


Diaries of a Social Misfit

by LadyLorena



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-17
Updated: 2015-12-17
Packaged: 2018-05-07 05:43:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 22
Words: 87,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5445362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyLorena/pseuds/LadyLorena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus Lupin and Sirius Black's adopted daughter ventures to Hogwarts. The story begins in September of 1996. During her time at Hogwarts and beyond, L'elly keeps a diary of what she sees as her world faces significant changes.</p><p>Cross posted to Fanfiction.net, originally posted in 2010.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1996: September

**1\. September-**

Dear Diary-

I shall name you Bobbie. I don't know why, really, but Daddy suggested it (he said it was a good, solid name, for a boy or a girl) and though Papa used to say Daddy was too silly sometimes, I think Daddy's right that I should call you Bobbie.

Tomorrow I start classes here at Hogwarts- since I am almost sixteen and Daddy once taught here, I know enough to start as a sixth year, even if I had to take all those annoying examinations over the summer to take the higher level classes- the OWL examinations were a pain in my young arse.

Daddy says things are going to be hard at school- not only classes, but because I had, until this past Spring, two fathers. When Papa died, Daddy stopped being as silly as he used to be- hopefully things will get better from here on out. I miss all the zany little adventures we used to have in Daddy's shabby flat and in the house of Black. I hope I can find a few friends here so I can write home about adventures at Hogwarts.

It has been odd, how things have been these past few years. Papa came to live with us (sort of) when I was thirteen. I have to say 'sort of' because he had to visit us for a few days at a time and he had to be in his Anamagus form most of the time. It was very strange hearing Daddy calling Papa 'Padfoot' and taking him out for walks so we could go to the park together. He didn't live in the same house as us until the summer before I turned fifteen- but he was still Papa nonetheless.

Daddy and I had been living in London in a very ratty little flat. It wasn't really a nice place, but until he worked at Hogwarts, it was the best he could afford. While he taught, I lived with the Weasley family- a lovely couple with a lot of children. Apparently, two of them are still at Hogwarts. After that, we went back to our flat for a year and then we moved into Papa's family house- the Black family manor. Papa hated it, but Daddy made the best of it and I just stayed out of the way of the adults; they were always working for the Order of the Phoenix. There were other students there, but I just hid and I don't think they ever realised I was there. I suppose it will be a surprise to them when I show up in their classes and know their names before they know mine. You learn a lot about people by watching and listening when they don't know you are keeping tabs on them.

Daddy says I mustn't be afraid to speak my mind, write everything down, and stand up for what I know to be right- very few students have two Fathers and even fewer are werewolf friendly. I suppose I will just have to find the ones who are and find my friends that way.

I need to get to bed now, it's lights out in Gryffindor tower and I have written a huge lot!

(This is the only time I'm going to sign my full name, so pay close attention!)

Good night!

~Lewellyn Wilde Lupin-Black

(note: I changed my name when I went to live with Daddy- he helped me to pick my name- before it was Jill Rowe…ugh, so terribly droll!)

* * *

**2\. September-**

Bobbie:

Daddy was right- classes will be difficult.

I met a few students in my year I think I will get along with- Neville Longbottom, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood, and Ron Weasley- his sister, Ginny, is a year under us. They've all been nice enough to let me sit with their friends at meals- and they've invited me to a study group for Defense Against the Dark Arts in a half an hour. I've only been to one of those classes and I think Professor Snape hates me even more than he hates Harry- and that's saying something! I'll have to write to Daddy and ask him why- I think it has to do with something he and Papa did back in their Hogwarts days. School is certainly going to be interesting this year. Harry warned me about Draco Malfoy, but he hasn't been so bad to me yet- then again, I've only been here a day.

Harry says Hogwarts doesn't have any good pranksters anymore, now that Fred and George Weasley are gone. I think I may try to amend that, if I can get any really good ideas- I doubt that Daddy will be any help there…Papa would have been though….

Papa would be happy that I'm in Gryffindor- I think Daddy will be too- I think he got a letter about it today.

Oh- something I forgot- Harry has this map that tells where everyone is in the school at any time- I think he uses it to avoid Professor Snape- Daddy and Papa made the map with their two friends, Peter and James, while they were here at Hogwarts. Hopefully I'll learn some more stories like that while I'm here studying.

I hope Daddy's O.K.- tonight I'll write him a letter so I can ask him about the pranks, the map, and Professor Snape.

I have to go study now!

Cheers!

~L'elly

(it's like Lily, Daddy's friend, and 'little elly'- from my first name- Daddy calls me that and now, I suppose, will my friends. Papa just called me Wilde.)

* * *

**First Full Moon of the School Year (26. September).**

Bobbie:

I really hope Daddy is alright…he was awfully blue in the letter he sent me- here, I'll paste it in.

_L'elly-_

_Hello, lovely- I'm glad to hear your first days are going splendidly. Don't worry about me. I am doing fine here at home and have Mr. Shorty here to keep me in line. Glad you have made some good friends. It's nice that the names Lupin, Black, and Potter are all together again. The map…well, be careful with it and don't break too many rules! The best passage out of Hogwarts is the one-eyed witch passageway and I challenge you to find the way to take the Whomping Willow._

_As for pranking, there is very little advice I can give you- that was Sirius' speciality. All I can tell you is whatever you do, don't get caught, especially by Filch._

_Ah, you have encountered Severus Snape- I am afraid that he may hold Sirius' prank against you- he won't be civil to Harry for James' part in it and I don't think he's too fond of me either, though, as you know, few are. Sirius pulled a stunt to lure Severus into following me to the Shrieking Shack one full moon- James stopped him and thereby saved his life, but not until after he found out what I really was. I'm sorry if he treats you poorly- he's never forgiven us either._

_Do your best in your studies- I miss you, little Wilde Child._

_Love-_

_~Dad._

Mr. Shorty is my kitten- he will be all grown up by the time I get back home again...I miss him already! He's too young to bring him to the school- Daddy let me rescue him from the road- we think his mother was hit by a car and we couldn't find any siblings...we did set out a plate of kitty food on the edge of the property though, just in case any other kitties in the area need helping. That was back at the house of Black.

I got that one first week- last week I got this one- I have written back, but didn't get anything in return yet.

_L'elly-_

_Hello, lovely!_

_Good job on your first Defense Against the Dark Arts examination- Severus must have had to look very hard to find those three points to take off._

_I heard old Slughorn was teaching Potions because no one else would take the job and Dumbledore somewhat coerced him into it with Harry's aid. Let me know if he needs help…not that someone like me would be welcome teaching there for the most part._

_Anyway, good luck on your Transfiguration quiz and look out for Malfoy- his father has no love for people like us and has most likely taught his son well- then again, I could be entirely mistaken, as you know I have oftentimes been._

_Love-_

_Dad._

I really hope he's alright- every once in a while he gets really down around the time of the full moon and all sorts of things get into his mind- last month he was thinking about Papa. He doesn't like to talk about it, but I know how to figure it all out- I listen to how his voice shifts when we are talking about certain things and I observe how he moves, what he does. Last time he kept flipping through his clipping book of articles and pictures of Papa. It looks like this time he's having issues with what he is- not only as a werewolf, but who he loved. It's too bad, really, how idiots treat him- he's really a great guy with a gentle heart.

Before I start being a worry-wart all over, I'll journey into another topic- Transfiguration. My goal this term is to learn to be an Animagus- I know I can be like Papa- that way I can help Daddy during the full moon.

About Draco...yeah, his father is a dumbass (I really shouldn't call people names, but it's so true!)- his wife was at the school yesterday (she said she was on some form of 'official business' with Dumbledore) and most of us didn't even know she was there and she was being a smarmy git- she didn't even look at Ron or Neville, she scowled towards Harry, and shot me a glare that would have pierced stone. I wonder if Draco told her who I was or if she knew some other way. I have a goal concerning Draco this term too- I want to find out if he's really as bad as they all say he is. Maybe he just needs someone to be his persistent friend without other motives. Considering the house I come from, I think I'm rather decent at being non-judgemental- and I am up to the task.

It's nearly time for lights out- cheers!

~L'elly

* * *

**30\. September-**

Bobbie:

I got a letter from Daddy today- he's fine.

_L'elly-_

_My lovely!_

_Got through the full moon alright- though Mr. Shorty was not to happy I didn't let him out hunting that night! Congratulations on getting full marks on your Transfiguration quiz- have fun and perhaps we could think of a Hallowe'en prank?_

_Love-_

_Dad._

I'm glad to hear he's better. I haven't told him about either of my goals this term, seeing as they are both a bit dangerous!

Professor Snape been particularly brutal lately- nastier than usual. I think that all the Heads of House getting nervous about the fact that You-Know-Who is back. Snape, too, I suppose...and even though I do not like the man, nor do I trust him entirely, he is in the Order and that has to count for something. I have to think that, like Daddy, he has his own task to do and it probably isn't very safe, nor very pleasant. Anyhow, I have to put this away before Professor Snape confiscates it- class is about to start!

Cheers!

~L'elly

* * *

Bobbie:

Oooh- he makes me so mad, that Professor Snape! He did take my diary, journal, or whatever you want to call this thought-book, and he read the last bit to the entire class- and then proceeded to question my goals, asking repeatedly what they were, and to go on and on about Mr. Shorty- how Mr. Shorty was the stupidest name for a kitty he had ever heard, and he talked badly about Daddy- he told everyone Daddy is a dangerous werewolf and that Daddy had nearly killed him twice. He then went on to say Daddy was mistaken in calling me his lovely because I am not technically his, nor am I lovely. Not to be surprised, he did leave out the bits about the Order. Ooo! I stood up, snatched back my book, and proceeded to say enough to defend the honour of my family and get me detention for a month. I told him that my book and writing before his class time was none of his business and he should be mindful of that. I told him that Daddy hadn't known what he was doing the one time he actually did any attacking- the other time James Potter had saved the Professor's skin- though I didn't see why. I ended by telling him that if my Daddy wanted to call me his lovely, then he had every right to, considering he took me in, made me family, and did more for me than anyone at Hogwarts could ever do. He told me I had detention as I was shoving my things into my bag and then leaving the classroom with a lovely slam of the door. I went to stew for a bit in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom- she's good company when a body needs to stew. I went to my other classes and didn't say a thing. I have to get going now though, dinner is soon- and I think that Daddy is getting a letter from the school about the detentions, so I had better write an explanation note about everything. I think I'll try to appeal to Headmaster Dumbledore on this as well- Professor Snape's behaviour was very uncalled for- not something he should be doing. Anyhow, I doubt he would have been so unforgiving had the offending student 1) not been me, 2) been in Slytherin, or 3) not had any relations to Lupin, Potter, or Black.

One last bit on this whole manner before I sneak off to the kitchens to swipe dinner and find a quiet corner to eat and plot my revenge in while writing a very angry letter to Daddy.

ROAR!

~L'elly

 


	2. 1996:  October

**8\. October-**

Bobbie:

Here's Daddy's latest letter:

_L'elly_

_Hey lovely!_

_I've never heard of Severus being so wicked other than once to Harry- you might want to talk to him if you need Severus-coping tips._

_Thank you for sticking up for me- I don't think you should get into trouble on my account though- you shouldn't have to worry about that at your age. I encourage you to take the matter up with Albus, but don't push it so far that the situation gets any worse. I hope things get better for you soon and I am going to write to Albus telling him what Severus is up to- I know Albus will listen to you, but I just want to remind him just why Severus might be so cruel to you in particular. Good luck, darling, and keep up the good marks!_

_Love:_

_Dad._

Why do I have the feeling that this entire situation is only going to get uglier very quickly?

Oh, and Harry, Ron, and Hermione are up to a Hallowe'en prank- Ron is trying to solicit his brothers, George and Fred, for help.

Gah!

~L'elly

 

* * *

**10\. October-**

 

Bobbie:

Headmaster Dumbledore has ceased my detentions, so I only got half a month stuck with Professor Snape, rather than the whole month- I am very grateful- scrubbing cauldrons and chopping up very gross things is not my idea of a nice evening.

Professor Trelawney said today that Firenze was crazy and a few of the Slytherins tried to get them to fight. Professor McGonagall put a stop to it right quickly, though it was not too hard to do. Surprisingly, Malfoy was nowhere to be found. Based on my assumptions, he should have been right in the thick of the mess! Being the curious little gal that I am, I snuck into Slytherin common room and found him asleep on the couch. He really is quite lovely when he's not being a smarmy git. He woke up when I was trying to sneak out and called for me to come back- I did, and he was very surprised- asked what I was doing there- silly me, I told him the truth- I was looking for him. He asked me why and I told him about Firenze and Professor Trelawney and how I was surprised not to find him there. He just sort of shrugged and stared off into the fire, so I asked him if I could take a seat near him. He didn't say 'no', so I did anyway and I just sort of watched him and the fire. When he heard his classmates coming, he first apologised, then started shouting horrid things at me, asking me how I got in there and who I had to trick to get the password, and he kept yelling that he would report me and that I should get out- so I threw a few Dungbombs in the fire and ran out the door.

What a strange way to end that adventure that was! I went back to Gryffindor tower and did some more homework before sneaking off to the library after hours and doing a little more reading on becoming an Animagus.

What a day!

~L'elly

 

* * *

**12\. October-**

 

Bobbie:

Oh my gosh, you will never believe what happened- I have HUGE news and it is NOT good either. Today, someone tried to kill Katie Bell! I overheard...ok, so maybe I eavesdropped...that she was under the Imperio Curse- one of the Unforgivable Curses! Someone said she touched a cursed necklace. They suspect someone but I couldn't quite hear who. I'm totally freaked out. I am going to have to write Daddy a letter about this for advice. Maybe this was totally random and someone is out to kill students! Maybe it wasn't, and Katie has an enemy! I don't think she could, she's just so sweet!

Anyway, I have to get to dinner before all the best stuff is gone. I will write more later.

Ta-

~L'elly

* * *

Just before bed-

Bobbie:

They say that Katie is going to be in the hospital for MONTHS! Everyone's got their own ideas about who did it, but loads of people say that it had to be the Slytherin kids because a ton of them were made Death Eaters this summer! Isn't that scary? They say that they did it on HIS orders- you know who I mean. It's absolutely crazy! I've got to get going, though- there are a few of us who are going to try to put protective spells up around our dormitory, just in case.

So freaky!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**26\. October (another full moon)-**

 

Bobbie:

Got a letter from Daddy today- he said he has his potion and not to worry about tonight- its lunchtime right now and I should be studying for my Potions test- but I'm not sure I care all that much, though we are learning about the Wolfsbane Potion and I think I might have a bit of an advantage in that area. Hermione says its not fair, but I think that considering everything she has a leg-up on, the playing field is even for this test. Its not fair how smart she is, so I ask her to check my work when I'm a little confused.

Oh, here's Daddy's letter.

_L'elly!_

_My lovely!_

_Good job handling the situation with Severus- Albus wrote me a wonderful letter about your approach to it- he was very impressed by your attitude and maturity- that's my girl!_

_On a less 'uppity' note (to use one of your words), I did get my potion for tonight and you needn't worry about a thing other than your Hallowe'en plans!_

_Love:_

_Dad._

Oops! I have to go- Fred is meeting Harry, Ron, and Hermione while George is meeting Ginny, Neville, and me about our upcoming Holiday fun. I'll write Daddy tonight.

Cheers!

~L'elly

 

* * *

**30\. October-**

 

Bobbie:

Ron can be such a total git sometimes. He has been snippy and intolerable today, ever since Ginny was caught kissing Dean after the Quiddich practice, which I heard was TERRIBLE. I know that our team isn't going to be as spectacular as it was last year, what with students graduated and Katie in the hospital wing, but this just seems like a nose-dive! I've heard some students saying that we should just hand the Quiddich cup over to Slytherin now and save the hassle and humiliation of playing the season through.

Anyway, I am terribly excited for our Hallowe'en prank and I truly hope that Ron can get his act together before we have to pull things off- it would be absolutely terrible if all our hard work was ruined because he can't stand the idea of his sister having a boyfriend. I think I would possibly have to smack him if he did ruin it for all of us who have worked so very hard on it!

Anyway, I have to get some last minute details touched up- but I can tell you that I sure DON'T want to run into Ronald Weasley again!

Argh!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**Hallowe'en-**

 

Bobbie:

Daddy wrote me another letter- so here it is!

_L'elly_

_Happy Hallowe'en, lovely!_

_Hey, its your favourite holiday! I hope to hear all about whatever it is you have been planning with the Twins- just don't get caught if Severus is in a bad mood . Papa would be just as proud of you, if not more, than I am of all your accomplishments thus far this term, academically and in the realm of getting into and out of sticky situations. You are carrying on both of us' work very well! I have to go feed Mr. Shorty- he's been very impatient since you went to Hogwarts- we've all had some difficult adjustments these past few months, haven't we? Keep up the good work, L'elly, you're doing a fine job._

_Love:_

_Dad._

I absolutely cannot wait until dinner tonight! I will write more after we pull off our project, but keep your fingers crossed- there is a lot of potential for things to go wrong!

I have to go do some set-up and try to make sure everyone is doing their part- co-ordinating this has been a lot of work, but great fun!

Cheers!

~L'elly

* * *

Still Hallowe'en-

Bobbie:

It's just before dinner. In five minutes, everyone will start for the Great Hall. By then, all of us in on this plot have to make sure that we are seen going to dinner and then we have to disappear very quickly. Hermione is staging one of her House Elf liberation protests just outside the Great Hall to provide distraction- Ginny's helping her with it. The guys and I have very little time to work very quickly and very secretly. I will update later!

Cheers!

~L'elly

* * *

Still Hallowe'en (around midnight)-

Bobbie:

This went marvelously! Ron and Harry set of a smoke screen in the Great Hall and while everyone was confused, Ginny extinguished the lights. When the haze cleared, everyone was too busy looking at the stars to notice what Hermione was doing. The fact that the ceiling now had the message:

Mouldy Voldy has no hair  
He doesn't have any underwear  
And on very cold nights  
He goes 'round in tights  
Pretending he's a lady fair!

drew attention away from her quite well. Neville's task in all of this was to read the poem out loud once the hall was dark and quiet- he did so spectacularly. While everyone was laughing, I charmed the house banners and Ginny cued the House Elves. Within minutes, whenever a house name was said, their banner would respond- Gryffindor chanted Byron, Ravenclaw recited Tolstoy, Hufflepuff lapsed into limericks, and Slytherin proudly sang 'Yellow Submarine'- thankfully Hermione and I know our Muggle music! Needless to say, when the lights returned to normal (the poem still spelled in the stars), the entire hall was quite surprised to find their plates stacked on their bowls balanced on their cups, supported by their silverware. We had all returned to our seats unnoticed. We are wondering how long it will take anyone to pin down who perpetrated the prank- ideally we hope to have folks guessing, but never to actually figure out our secret. Papa used to say that was the trademark of a good prankster- everyone knows who pulled it off, but no one can ever prove it.

I had better be sneaking back to bed- I think there is going to be some sort of bed check tonight and me hiding in the Astronomy tower is no way to keep my name off this prank!

Cheers!

~L'elly!

 


	3. 1996:  November

**1\. November-**

Bobbie:

The entire castle is talking about what we managed to pull off last night- and everyone has ideas, but no one can be certain who pulled it off!

Most of Gryffindor things that Potter had to have something to do with it, but they aren't sure- and anyone who knows of Papa's reputation is certain that I had my hand in the pot...but as I suspected, there isn't anyone who has proof! The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs are blaming the Slytherins, but the Slytherins are most certain it was the Gryffindors- as I heard Pansy Parkinson saying to Millicent Bullstrode, "There is no way any self respecting Slytherin would make such a mockery of the Dark Lord's name!" Glad to know we've struck a chord!

I just sent my letter to Daddy today- seeing as the Ministry is being boorish with some stupid werewolf laws- something about wanting them contained...I really have to get my hands on that newspaper and keep up with this, it could be bad- his letter may be confiscated! Thankfully the Ministry doesn't really know where Daddy lives, so we may be a little safer than most folks in our position.

Will write a little more later- I have to get to class...Defense Against the Dark Arts- and I am trying to keep on the safe side and not anger Professor Snape again!

Cheers-

~L'elly

* * *

After Quiddich practice-

Bobbie:

We are going to be utterly DECIMATED on the Quiddich pitch tomorrow. We're so bad, I heard that Ron was thinking of quitting the team so we would just forfeit, instead of having to suffer the total embarrassment that the game tomorrow will be. Ginny's trying to rally the team, but even she's having a hard time with that- after all, she is ON the team.

Collin has been trying to organise a cheering squad for the match, but we're all so nervous. The Slytherins will never let us live down the humiliation that tomorrow will be. I've been assigned to the glitter brigade, though, since no one can be sad with enough glitter. I have to charm the posters to sparkle. I also have learned how to shoot glittery streamers from my wand, so I will try to get that going during the team's fly-in before the game begins...but I don't think I'll have much use for them during the game itself.

Bah.

~L'elly.

* * *

Later Today-

Bobbie:

More from the curious encounters with Draco Malfoy!

I seriously think that young man is just very confused.

I was wandering near the Astronomy tower- it is rather nice up there in the evening just before everyone is called to bed and before Astronomy class- when I heard someone up there...being curious (I'm a Lupin-Black, the fault is inherited), I decided to check out the source of said noise. There was Draco, just sitting there rather tired looking and almost sad. I suppose I must have startled him- his head snapped up from where it was drooping over a book and he was suddenly alert and aware. I froze- I will admit, I am more than wary of him. He said the strangest thing, "Oh, it's only you." He went back to his book for a few moments while I went to look at the sky. He kept glancing over at me like I was either intruding or he was wondering what I was doing on such a cold night in such a cold tower with only a polo shirt and jeans on- whatever it was, he spoke to me again, "What are you doing up here, anyway?" I was a little startled, but I managed to shrug and tell him that I just wanted to look at the stars before bed- Papa and Daddy used to have stargazing evenings...

He got all quiet and so I asked him what he was doing up in the Astronomy tower- he said he wanted to get away from the noise in Slytherin and find someplace to read where he wouldn't be bothered. Logically, I asked him if I was a bother. To my astonishment, he said no. I asked him what he was reading and he showed me the binding- it was 'A Guide To Muggle Theatre- Stage Effects Without Magic'. I was secretly thrilled to see that he even had an inkling of an interest to read about theatre- Daddy and Papa took me to shows in London when they could and I loved it. After Papa died...Daddy didn't go to the theatre that much, and he went to the city even less. I told Draco that I liked the theatre and asked if he had been to any productions as of late. He said no- that his family didn't like him going to anything that was part of the Muggle arts and since there was a very very small community of theatre folk in the wizarding world and they were viewed as vagabonds, his family was more inclined to turn up their noses at it...but it still was interesting. I agreed with him that it was interesting and asked him why he had to do everything that his parents approved of- why didn't he step outside their boundaries every once in a while. He didn't answer. I didn't press the matter.

I shivered for a little while longer while watching the stars- and the moon- it was hardly there at all, but a tiny sliver still peeked out of the sky. I miss Daddy- I miss Papa even more...I can't see him when I go home on holiday like I can Daddy.

While I was thinking about Daddy and Papa, Draco had stood up and headed for the warm inside- he spoke to me again- which still surprised me, "Are you coming?" I nodded and followed him into the castle. We walked together in silence until it came time to part ways for our dormitories- he spun on his heel and faced me, "You won't tell anyone about the book, will you?" I shook my head and he handed it to me- something I had not expected, "Hang onto it?" I nodded this time and he turned around, heading for Slytherin- I tossed off a good night and returned to my dormitory. I had gone and caught a chill and needed a good hot cup of tea to start to ward it off.

So now here I sit in my bed, in my warmest night clothes, wrapped in every blanket I have...sipping my tea and scrawling in my thought-book while flipping through Draco's book. It is quite interesting...though it seems the authors can't figure out how the ending chair effect is done in Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Phantom of the Opera- I'm glad they haven't figured it out because neither have I and it is so much fun to guess at how the illusion is achieved rather than know and have the fun spoiled- that was the first musical Papa and Daddy took me to- I have quite fond memories of it. I am hoping that when he wants his book back, we can discuss some of the effects- it is rather fun to think of how the Muggles need all that rigging to get a set piece up off the floor...if only they could just levitate it and it would be so much simpler!

Well, I would love to write more, but I need to devote the remainder of my evening before lights out to getting warm- snuggling down in bed with all the blankets around me, hot tea in my hands, and this book in front of me...the next chapter is on The Lion King and I am quite eager to read it!

Good Night!

~L'elly

* * *

**2\. November-**

Bobbie:

I'm sitting at breakfast, drinking a LOT of coffee. I know, Daddy says not to drink too much of the stuff, but I did such a silly thing and stayed up over half the night reading! I got about four hours of sleep and I have so much studying to do today! I don't want to be awake, but I simply must stay awake long enough to meet Draco this evening and talk to him about The Lion King! I am so excited to talk about it! Hopefully, that will keep me from falling asleep in the library- I do NOT want to doze off!

I have to get going- I will write so much more later! Right now, my waffles are getting cold and they have strawberries on them! I can't waste them!

Ta for now!

~L'elly.

* * *

At lunch-

Bobbie:

Found a note on the table with my name on it.

_L.- can't meet tonight, Quiddich. Happy reading! -D._

Oh well, I suppose I can wait another day.

~L'elly.

* * *

After the game-

Bobbie:

Holy hell, we WON! Off to the party! I love being the glitter girl!

Yay!

~L'elly

* * *

Evening-

Bobbie:

Oh my gosh, Ron kissed Lavender right in the middle of the common room! Hermione was so upset that she ran and hid. I haven't seen her back yet. (I am currently curled up in a big chair, watching all the happy people- it is so wonderful, especially after yesterday's yuck!) I am going to try to talk to her tomorrow if she is still upset, but I guess she's been crushing on Ron for a hugely long time and that's why she's never tried to date anyone else. I know a few boys who would jump at the chance to ask her out if she showed any interest at all in dating.

Speaking of dating, my fellow cheer-leader, Collin, asked me out a few minutes ago. I told him we could try, because he's sweet and I like hanging out with him. I don't know if it's going to lead anywhere, though. He's younger than me, but that's not a big deal. Ginny told me that Collin has been working up the guts to ask me out for a week now and he's been driving her a little nutters.

Ooo! I forgot! It's November! My birthday is in nine days! Yay for 11.11!

Go 16 in '96!

~L'elly.

* * *

**3\. November-**

Bobbie:

I have read all of Draco's book in the past few days and have kept a list of things in the back of my Potions notebook that I was absolutely been fascinated by- I have got to see if there can be a theatre club started here at Hogwarts- we had a duelling club, according to the legends that I have heard, and a theatre club would be far less dangerous. Perhaps I should speak to Professor McGonagall about this! I got a reply, finally, from Daddy- my owl, Keef, is less than pleased- apparently he was stopped near London and someone from the Ministry tried to take his letter. This is what I gather, at least- it is difficult to communicate with an owl.

_L'elly!_

_My lovely-_

_I am assuming that your letter was waylaid by the Ministry because of their efforts to track and metaphorically tag every werewolf they are aware of- it is no secret what I am and I am assuming they will be making every effort possible to find me through you. You do not need to get into any trouble by keeping my location a secret- they couldn't find me even if they had our address, unless Albus himself told them._

_On a more positive note, your Hallowe'en prank was perfect- you are right, Papa would have loved it- especially your poem. I can almost hear both you and he singing it while skipping arm in arm around the house. Perhaps you and I will have to do so in Papa's honour when you come home for Christmas- if you are still planning on coming home for Christmas, that is._

_I am hoping that I will be permitted to visit the school one of these days- Albus was saying that he would love to have me come back to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom for the lessons on Boggarts- apparently Harry and his friends still talk about that lesson. I have no idea why._

_I am still thinking about how to help you deal with Katie's situation. I will write you again when I figure out just what to say._

_I do have some bad news for you- your biological parents have been trying to contact me and it seems they are yet again up to no good. Arthur and Molly Weasley are helping me to figure out what is going on- it seems the Rowe family is speaking rather cryptically in their letters and their phone calls that the adoption agency is getting and the agency is as confused as the rest of us. I think the Rowes are going to start a fuss about you having two fathers in an unconventional household. I am sorry, darling, that you have to deal with this, but I did not want them just up and causing trouble out of the blue- warning you seemed to be the best decision. They are wizards, even if they are rather unscrupulous ones, and that means they can find the school. If for some reason they try to cause trouble, go to Albus- I have already alerted him to the situation._

_I love you, my little L'elly- please don't ever think that because the three of us were never blood related that we are not a family- Papa and I both always thought of you as our own and as nothing less. Keep your chin up and be strong, child of mine._

_Start thinking about your birthday up and coming…it is, after all, in merely a week!_

_Love:_   
_Dad._

ARGH!

I am so angry at the idiots in this world! Firstly, what is the big deal if my father is a werewolf? He's never hurt anyone intentionally, he has everything under control, and he has checks in place in case things go wrong- why can't the Ministry just LEAVE US ALONE? Secondly, why are those dolts trying to contact my family? The Rowes were not good parents- they neglected me, left me in the cold, didn't feed me, and hit me- I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM EVER AGAIN! Daddy and Papa are my family, they love me, that is all I have ever wanted- I have a roof, I am clothed and fed, and I am cared for…this is ridiculous. If they dare to come to my school and bother me here, I am going to SCREAM!

Oh…damn, I forgot for a moment that Defense Against the Dark Arts had started- here comes Professor Snape.

Crap….

~L'elly

* * *

After Classes While Sitting In Professor Dumbledore's Office-

Bobbie:

He made me read my entry out loud in class, including Daddy's letter.

Normally this would have made me very angry, but not this time. He told me to go to the front of the room and he stood at his podium, glaring at me- 'Go on, Miss Lupin-Black'. Now you know how I usually get when told to do anything in front of anyone- I avoid it at all costs. This was different- maybe it was the anger, the feeling that I was going to be in detention for the rest of my life, or the plain and simple truth that if I did this without any remorse…someone in that class would stand up for me in some way. Harry always keeps quiet because he knows Professor Snape has it out for him, and no one else has the guts to say anything. I started reading- but doing it in the tones that emphasised exactly what I was feeling. I was practically yelling by the time that I got to the end. After reading my sign out, I turned to him and handed him the book, 'That is exactly what I said- check it if you don't believe me.' I swear, I am happy that I have a fairly decent hold on my temper.

He was not exactly sympathetic, 'Despite all your personal problems, you are not excused from paying attention in class. Five points from Gryffindor for your scribblings and another five points for your dramatic performance. Sit down.' I nearly was in tears I was so angry and frustrated. I walked back to my seat and threw my journal in my bag, laying my head on my arms and glaring forward at Professor Snape. I don't like him in the least. Now I am trying to think of what I am going to say to the Headmaster when he comes into the room- this is going to be a pleasant meeting, NOT.

I am feeling considerably cynical and rather defeatist. I am going to have a difficult time in this place already, I can tell. Who is it that I can talk to about this kind of thing here? Which of my friends are werewolf friendly and don't mind that my father isn't like other fathers? I keep thinking that we are normal…but we aren't a normal family. The Rowes were more normal than Daddy and Papa are. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to feel, and I have to say that I am going to most definitely be spending this evening in the Astronomy tower rather than around my classmates. I am thinking I am going to be skipping dinner as well.

I hear the door- the Headmaster must be here.

Wish me luck.

~L'elly

* * *

Astronomy Tower- Well Past Bed Call

Bobbie:

At the moment, I don't care if they catch me up here give me detention for the rest of my life- I am a bit tired of being around people and I really did have a stressful meeting with Headmaster Dumbledore and Professor Snape- and then Professor McGonagall as well. Why does everyone have to be involved in this?

The first thing I was asked to do was to read the journal entry exactly as I had read it in class. I did. Professor Snape started to speak and I just threw the book at his feet. I told him to pick it up, read it- obviously my life and thoughts were all a melodrama for his sorry amusement. I crossed my arms across my chest and turned to Headmaster Dumbledore, asking if I could leave. He told me no. I sighed and went to sit down, making sure not to be even more theatrical. I then glanced at Professor Snape, who, to my surprise, handed me my journal.

'I believe you dropped this, Miss Lupin-Black.'

I took it. Headmaster Dumbledore filled Professor Snape in on everything he knew about the situation, which wasn't much more than what I knew, including what I had gleaned from the papers and other buzzing around the school about the Ministry. Apparently the only people who had known until then were the Headmaster and Professor McGonagall. Professor McGonagall entered, talked to the Headmaster a bit and then to Professor Snape, and then she turned to me. She told me to go back to the common room and rest a bit so I would be ready to rejoin the rest of the students for dinner. I never went to dinner. I stopped by the kitchens on my way up to the tower and then have been sitting here ever since. I almost didn't start writing again, but I felt like I should, at least if I want to try to stay a little sane. I feel like I am falling off the face of this planet right now and I would rather be alone while I do it.

Oh, piss, someone is coming- I will write more later.

~L'elly

* * *

**4\. November (in bed at one)-**

Bobbie:

Remind me never to get lost in thought again- I may cease to return one of these days.

The someone who was coming was Draco- seems he sneaks up there quite a bit. I gave him back his book. I had brought it with me just in case- I had a feeling I might see him there for some reason. We didn't talk, just sort of sat there and watched the stars. I have no idea why he actually speaks to me and frankly speaking, I am almost afraid to find out. He's probably just digging for something- you know, he wants something from me that in time he knows he can get. Then he will go back to being the idiot everyone knows him to be and I will be wanting to strangle both he and his stupid father. Ah, the wonders of discovering cynicism. I am not sure this is a good thing.

I wrote another letter to Daddy- I told him everything and sent it out with Keef. I don't want to go back to the Rowes- I don't even want to hear about them again, let alone see them.

Which brings me back around to the one thing Draco said to me before he and I parted ways after sneaking back downstairs, 'Family is an indefinable term, Lewellyn, don't forget that.'

This, of course, confused me.

There are a lot of things that confuse me right now.

This seems to be a trend for the times.

I am going to crash now, I am very tired and my head is spinning- that and I have class tomorrow and have to get up at a ridiculously early time in order to get in and out of the showers before breakfast ends.

Ta and good night.

~L'elly

* * *

**5\. November-**

Bobbie:

Remember, remember, the fifth of November The gunpowder treason and plot...

Collin and I sat together and, after we were done eating, held hands- does that make this my first date? Doesn't a date technically need to be something that happens out-of-the-ordinary...you know, someplace else, or something completely different and special? I would think so. Sorry, Collin, but you're going to have to do better than that for this to actually be dating.

I finally got a letter back from Daddy about what happened to Katie.

_Lovely L'elly-_

_To start off, you are probably right that some of the Slytherin students are young Death Eaters. Be careful around them, especially Draco Malfoy. His father has fallen from favour and there is no telling what will happen in that situation. I have heard from Albus about what happened to Katie and her parents are thinking about taking her home as soon as she recovers. They will probably be in the hospital wing quite a lot over the next few months. Be sure that others are very kind to them when they cross paths- I know you are a good-hearted girl and will be very careful about what you say to them. They are struggling to understand how this all happened to their daughter at a place where children are supposed to be safe and supervised. Do not, under any circumstances, mention the student rumours or the theories about the young Death Eaters. Albus is handling those situations and any interference by a student could prove disastrous._

_On a completely different note...I have something rather serious to tell you myself. I wish I could sit down with you in person to talk to you about this because it all feels very complicated, but I don't feel like I can safely come to visit you right now. I have been growing rather close to Nymphadora Tonks. She is very persistant. I am very resistant. I am, however, attracted to her. She is NOT a replacement for your Papa. Sirius and I were friends, lovers, and a family. We were parents to you. She can't change that. If she gets her way...well, you will have to decide how you see her fitting into this family. I just don't want you to be surprised._

_You may be fairly confused right now because you thought of me as someone who could only love other men...but that's not entirely true. I tend to fall in love with men more often, but I can, and occasionally do, have romantic feelings for women as well. I know you probably never wanted to have this kind of talk with your father. I never told you this before because I always thought that Sirius was the last love I would ever have. I hope you don't think less of me because of this, but if you do, I understand. Please, just don't be afraid to ask questions or talk to me about anything that bothers you._

_I love you, and I always will- nothing and no one can come between you and I. You are still my little girl._

_Dad._

Oh.

Well this is different, isn't it? I'll write him back later tonight. I don't think any less of him- Daddy always thinks that these things are going to make me disappointed in him, but if anything, I'm terribly proud of him. He just keeps on ploughing through. You know, it must be kind of nice to be able to fall in love with anyone, regardless of whether they are a man or a woman. It's kind of cool, actually. I wish I could do that. It will, however, take some getting used to if Tonks steps into the family like that. He's pretty hesitant about the idea of a relationship (even a friendship!) because he's a werewolf. We had a talk about that when I was fifteen and I asked him if he would ever date again after Sirius and he said that he didn't think he ever could because Sirius was one of the only people who ever just took the werewolf thing in stride and wasn't afraid of it. Daddy is so afraid of rejection. He's so afraid of hurting someone who is close to him. I really hope he loosens up and finds his happy again.

At least I like Tonks. She's kinda crazy, and a lot younger than him. I think she'd be more of a mentor than a mom, but that would be cool.

Well, it's time I get to class- cheers.

~L'elly.

* * *

**6\. November (noon)-**

Bobbie:

I did something today that I thought I would never do- I skipped classes…all of them. I am hiding out in the Quiddich closet right now to keep from getting detention- I just hope no one finds me. I'd rather just tell everyone that I was sick, not that I just didn't feel like going to classes because I got a letter from my birth parents, who I can't stand.

_Jill-_

_It has been a long time since you have seen us, but we think you should remember us- your parents, Kim and Don Rowe. We heard about Sirius Black dying in the Department of Mysteries- it seems unscrupulous and suspicious to us. We also have been hearing some strange things about your father, this Remus Lupin- he's a single father, yes, but it has come to our attention that he is a werewolf. We started looking into it and found out you had two last names- and that the other one was Black…and that your second guardian was none other than the same man who broke out of Azkaban! Is your father queer? We don't want any daughter of ours exposed to that sort of thing! In addition, he's a werewolf! He is dangerous, Jill, and we are doing everything we can to get you out of there and into a safe, normal home. We are trying to bring you back to us, dearest- we do miss you a whole lot!_

_Your brother says hello._

_Mom and Dad_

I have a brother?

DADDY AND PAPA ARE PERFECTLY FINE!

This is going to be a very frustrating week….or what's left of it to be frustrating.

~L'elly

* * *

Same Day, Near Seven-

Bobbie:

I wrote a little article to Kim and Don. It tells them exactly what I think- hopefully they will drop this whole issue. Until I find out, I am headed to the Astronomy tower. I don't care about the fact that it is cloudy and grey, nor that it is supposed to start snowing tonight- I like it up there and it is a good place to sit and read. I found something in my trunk I don't remember putting there- Papa's book of Grimm's stories.

I'm still confused about this brother thing, he must be only about five, or he is well older and was taken away from the Rowe's before I was old enough to remember him- that or they are making it up as a way to guilt me. It's not going to work.

I have to go before someone finds me.

~L'elly

* * *

Later, Eight-

Bobbie:

I found a letter in the pages of Papa's book…it's really sweet, it was from Daddy- I was going to send it to Daddy…but I think right now I want to keep it tucked in with my things- a reminder that my parents loved each other very much and that love is what makes a family.

Here is part of it copied out-

"Sirius- I know our life together would be difficult, if we decide to overcome the prejudice in this world and carry forth with our plan. I would like to suggest something though that I think both of us want but have never said- let's finally adopt L'elly- I've been her foster father now from since she was ten years old...and she turns fourteen in a few months. Let's give her a pair of parents who aren't afraid to help her on her way, no matter how difficult that way is. Let me know what you think- I know legally it would be difficult and it would have to be done with much secrecy…but I believe Albus would be willing to help us- he is a wonderful friend who is willing to support our cause to great lengths. He knows, as you and I do, that it is not traditional structure that defines a family, but the ability to love each other- let us give a little girl a family."

He goes on to talk about finding a place to raise me, working to pay for the cost of living, and the daily worries that Daddy was always so careful to take care of. I am hoping that someday I can be as attentive as he is.

I am going to sign off now and lay on my back to watch the snowflakes drift down around me…they are the big fluffy kind that fall so quietly that it feels like the entire world is being draped in a huge white blanket, damp and cool.

Maybe I should take up poetry….

~L'elly.

* * *

**9\. November-**

Bobbie:

Well, Collin broke up with me today. Not surprising, but a bit of a let-down at the same time. Once again, L'elly is single. This shouldn't be something I am disappointed at, but I rather did like the idea of saying I had a boyfriend. Maybe I should say that I have one, he's just in Canada...no, that's just terribly pathetic.

Oh, I did write back to Daddy and I told him that he should think about dating Tonks, because she is sweet and she is funny and I do like her quite a lot. I haven't heard back from the Rowes and I hope I don't. I just don't want anything to do with those people. They had their chance, they blew it, and now they want another chance? No! It's not fair that I should have to see them again.

On an up-note, I am turning sixteen in just a few days, whee hee! I am going up to the tower this evening with my book of Grimm's tales. It isn't supposed to snow again tonight, but I wouldn't mind if it did. I can't wait for the world to be blanketed in white. Snow makes all things muddy look pretty and it makes me feel better.

I should get going. Class starts in just a few minutes!

~L'elly.

* * *

After Dinner-

Bobbie:

Ginny found a note with my name on it dropped on the floor right behind where we usually sit. It wasn't mine, though...not that I knew. I opened it. I'll paste it in here.

L'elly-

I would really like to see you again this evening in the Astronomy tower. If you could meet me there after hours, I will be there after nine.

Draco.

Yay!

~L'elly.

* * *

**10\. November (one in the morning, finally in bed)-**

Bobbie:

I met Draco in the Astronomy tower, just as he asked. It was very dark up there tonight- no moon visible, just a huge lot of stars. It was a clear, chilly night, and he had brought a blanket, so we sat under it and I used my wand to shed some light. We read Grimm's tales to each other and commentated on them for a good few hours (until a little after eleven). Then he started conversing. He asked me a few questions about my family, and then he asked me something I didn't expect.

I have a very good memory for things I hear, so I will try to transcribe the conversation to the best of my ability. Daddy says this is a particularly handy and amazing skill of mine.

"L'elly...are we friends?"

I told him I didn't know and that we didn't really know each other yet.

He continued, "Can we try to be?" If I wasn't surprised enough by the fact that he asked in the first place, I would be by this. This is Draco Malfoy, the most hurtful boy in the school...asking me if he can try to be my friend.

Of course, I had to ask him something, "Are you asking that honestly, or are you trying to get something from me?"

His reaction was interesting. First, he made a move to protest, like he was going to say something. Then he slumped a bit, and then he looked towards me- that signature sneer of his, gone. Then he rested his hand on mine. Shivers. I actually got shivers. Am I really crushing on Draco bloody Malfoy? Seriously, weird.

He shook his head, "No, I'm not trying to use you. This is serious. I don't exactly have friends here."

I asked him about Crabbe, Goyle, and all the other Slytherins, and I asked him about his somewhat girlfriend.

He answered again, "They don't really know me. Do you think any of them would read with me? Do you think any of them would bother to just stargaze with me, or would ever even think that I would want to?"

I sighed here- seriously, big sigh. I didn't really ever think about it all like that before. It was my turn to talk.

"So why do you stick around them? Why do you act like thay do, and why do you keep surrounding yourself with them? Why not do what you want to, instead?"

"Parents. Think of who they are- do you really think I could? Look at what they do- I mean, everyone knows my father is a Death Eater...and HE...HE isn't forgiving. That's why...I really need someone I can trust."

I was watching him- reading body language, you know? I may have had the shudders when he touched my hand, but that doesn't mean I'm not present enough to try to see if he's telling the truth.

"Yeah...we can try to be friends. You can trust me."

"Really?"

"Sure. Really."

He fidgeted for a while. He really looked uncomfortable in his own skin. I didn't know what he was going to do next. This kids is just as messed up as Harry, just in a different way. Harry's parents are dead. Draco's are forcing him to be something he's not, and if they aren't intentionally, then their jobs are necessitating it. I guess I've got a lot to learn about him, but maybe we're not so different...maybe he's just at the same place where I was when I was trying to figure out if I could get help and get away from Kim and Don. They didn't want me at all to be me- they wanted a good little girl...something without a spirit that would do their bidding and live their dreams without any of her own. Maybe that's what he's feeling.

Draco spoke, "Can I show you something? It might upset you...but...you need to know." I nodded. He shoved up his sleeve and showed me his arm.

Draco has the Dark Mark. Crap.

It might be time to upgrade my swearing.

Shit.

I must have reacted, because he quickly covered it and apologised for showing it to me.

I put my hand on his shoulder, "No- stop saying you're sorry. Sometimes, I'm going to be surprised. That doesn't mean you shouldn't have done it in the first place. You just might want to tell me a few things, like why you have it and why you needed to show me."

He told his story, "My father failed the Dark Lord. This is his punishment- I belong to Him now. I have a task...it's not something I can tell you about. I had to show you because...I know your dad is fighting against us. I know you probably are, too. I'm not going to stop you. It's not my choice, L'elly. Please, believe me."

Right now, I just have to trust him that it isn't. If I do trust him and he betrays me, I end up hurt and maybe dead. If I don't trust him and it's true, he has no one to talk to at all- I do nothing for anyone but myself out of my own fears. If he really needs someone...I need to be there.

I looked into his eyes. That was when I noticed that he was tearing up a little bit. Again, I don't know for certain he's not just a BAFTA worthy actor, here, but I'm willing to take that chance.

I put one arm around his shoulders. He almost smiled. He thanked me and leaned his head over on my shoulder. I just sat there with him for a while. He sat up and then tipped me backwards. We curled up together under the blanket and watched the stars until just before he started to doze off. I wouldn't mind sleeping under the stars, I've done it before on the roof of the building Daddy's flat is in, but I'd rather it be much much warmer!

Well, I do have a TON of homework to get done still today, so I should get some sleep. I love hanging out with the Gryffindor gang, but somehow, I get this feeling that Draco and I are going to be the very best of friends, more-so than I will be with the Gryffindor gang.

Here's to the future.

~L'elly.

* * *

**11\. November-**

Bobbie:

"You say it's your birthday"  
*na na na na naaa na na na*  
"It's my birthday too-yeah"  
*na na na na naaa na na na*  
"They say it's your birthday"  
*na na na na naaa na na na*  
"We're gonna have a good time"  
*na na na na naaa na na na*  
"I'm glad it's your birthday Happy birthday to you."

As of 6:45 this morning, I am sixteen years old. It is now time for breakfast. Since there's not much I can do to wear anything special or different today (bah, school uniforms are so DULL!), I have braided all my hair into tiny braids (like dreadlocks, but braids) and stuck flowers in them and then I have my glittery red headband and my sparkly gold nailpolish. It will have to do.

Off to breaky!

~L'elly.

* * *

Lunch-

Bobbie:

There was a letter dropped at my table again- Ron found this one. It's pasted below.

_L'elly-_

_Astronomy tower tonight? I have a surprise for you._

_D._

Erm...what? I guess I'm headed up to the Astronomy tower again tonight. Not that I mind, you know, because I'm restless enough as it is and being inside all the time is so NOT my style. Harry, Ron, and Hermione are always busy with other things, so I don't see them often. Ginny is pretty much the only friend I see very often. I don't really make friends easily, you see, and I guess I don't have many people that I talk to. I'm still the new kid and that means I have to try to break into existing cliques when it comes to finding friends...and I'm just not the kind of person who can do that very easily, you know? I'm that mousy kid in the corner who doesn't say much and isn't very well liked because she doesn't know what's cool or anything. I've tried so hard to be normal, after all the Rowes did, but I just can't seem to escape them, and now they're back and trying to run my life again. I don't like that. I like Daddy and Papa...I miss Papa. He was so funny and sweet and mischievous. He used to play little pranks around the house tried to make the best of the fact that there were all kinds of weird Dark Arts things around Black House. He put Santa hats on the house-elf heads that his family had mounted on the wall. He tried to hex the family tree so Bella's eyes were always crossed. He painted the master bedroom lime green at one point, just because he wanted to see the room different. He was so random and spontaneous. Daddy isn't quite so outwardly zany, but he did keep up with Papa fairly well. He offered to string mistletoe over every door way, just to see if anyone could catch a kiss from someone totally unexpected...like Professor Snape. He also was involved in the lime green room adventure, which involved a spectacular paint fight and a Jackson Pollock wall that was so insanely colourful that, by the time we were all done, we had a very crazy looking room that we knew we would never use as it was and we would need to take pictures of before restoring it to it's original colour or painting it something a little more normal. My parents are/were my friends. Draco, now, is my friend. Ginny is sort of my friend, though she doesn't really see much of me. I guess I have to find out if there is anyone else here who can stand my awkwardness. Maybe Neville would understand. He's kind of quiet.

Well, it's time for me to wrap up. I'll let you know what happens in the tower or if anyone knows it is my birthday.

~L'elly.

* * *

After Dinner, Before Tower-

Bobbie:

Professor McGonagall remembered. She brought me a cupcake with a candle in it during dinner. She's sweet. I hope she sticks around for the whole time I am here. She's a great house head.

TTFN-

~L'elly.

* * *

Eleven-

I escaped to the tower and met Draco there. He said he couldn't stay long, but he handed me a little velvet bag and told me happy birthday. I asked him how he knew it was my birthday and he said that he looked it up when he had the chance- he said that since he's a Prefect, it's a little easier to get information on other students. I opened the little sack and found a very pretty ring in it.

The ring, as I sit here trying to figure out how to describe it, is very simple. It is a silver band in the shape of a snake, very delicate, and rounded on all sides. The snake's head overlaps it's tail and it has two little emerald eyes. At first glance, it just looks like it could be a plain silver band with the emeralds set in it, but looking closer, you can plainly see the delicate etched scales and the taper of the body and the bulb of the snake's head. I absolutely love it.

When I saw what it was, I told him how beautiful I thought it was and I thanked him. He told me that the ring is a bit of a family heirloom that was given to him. He thought that I might like it, even though it was Slytherin-ish. I told him that I would wear it always. He blushed and I slipped it on. He asked me what I would tell the other Gryffindor students when they saw that I was wearing a Slytherin ring. I told him that I would say that it was from a friend and I liked it, so I would wear it when I wanted, house rivalry be damned. He seemed very happy and a bit relieved. I wonder if he thought that I wouldn't accept his gift?

Neither of us could stay very long today, so I gave him a huge hug before I thought I was leaving. It was probably around ten at this point- I think I remember hearing the clock toll. He hugged back. Being held was just so nice that I ended up resting my head on his shoulder. He then did something that may seem a little odd, but was nice at the time. He started dancing with me. Weird, isn't it? Dancing without music in the middle of the night at the top of a tower? Yeah, I thought so, too, but I just went along with it. We then went to the edge of the tower and looked out, just watching the forest and the lake and the way the barely-there sliver of moon glittered off the water. It was nice. We didn't really say anything, though. He was very quiet tonight. I wonder if he's got something big on his mind. When we ended up heading out, we hugged again and parted ways at the base of the tower- he was on duty roaming the halls, and I wanted to sneak down to the kitchens to grab some munchies- for some reason, cooked spinach sounded heavenly.

Well, I should get some rest- tomorrow is another busy day.

~L'elly.

* * *

**12\. November-**

Bobbie:

I just wanted to drop you a quick line about Katie- she was taken to St Mungo's. Apparently, considering what she's been through, she's doing well. Her parents were in the building this morning updating the Headmaster and her professors. I hope she makes a full recovery; I really like that girl.

~L'elly.

* * *

**13\. November-**

Bobbie:

Apparently, the Rowes are freaking out over my parents again and have written directly to Headmaster Dumbledore this time. They are insistent on a visit and he told me that he got a very urgent owl from them this morning saying how worried they were about me and how much they wanted to see me to make sure that I was alright. He won't let me read the letter because he says that the letter says some pretty terrible and unfair things about my parents that he doesn't think I need to see again. As much as I want to yell and scream when I hear about them, you just can't yell at Headmaster Dumbledore- he's too nice and feels more like your grandfather or something.

I'm on my way to the library to stew in silence for a while and do some more research on becoming an Animagus. The librarian doesn't seem to bother me when I go for those books, so I suppose either she's not worried about me trying, or she's got orders from higher up to let me look. I wouldn't be surprised if she did, actually. The one time I talked to Professor McGonagall about it, she seemed very supportive and she really did want to help me out. I should go talk to her again about it. Maybe she can help me learn in a private lesson or something.

Cheers-

~L'elly.

* * *

After Dinner-

Bobbie:

I never made it to the library. Instead I ran into Draco (literally, full, head on collision) in the hallways on the way there. He wasn't with anyone, so he didn't cuss me out for it- he tries too hard to keep up appearances when the two dunderheads he hangs out with are around, or when that girlfriend of his is around- Pansy or whatever her name is. I don't like her, she's creepy and kinda evil. Anyway, Draco wouldn't just let me go stew, he insisted on finding a space to talk, so we ended up in an empty classroom that he charmed to keep private. He had me tell him everything and then he took both my hands and told me to remember that they had no rights to me, they lost those when I was adopted. It still feels like they sure have one hell of a will to make my life miserable, though.

I don't think I've ever written down what it was that the Rowes did to lose me. I don't think I ever wanted to, but it's been seven years and I think I should try to now, since they are making so much trouble for me.

Daddy fostered me when I was ten. I had been taken away from the Rowes when I was nine. There are a lot of things I don't remember about being little with them. I remember being hit a lot. I remember being told that I had to cover up my bruises and not show the teachers what had happened to me. I was supposed to tell them lies about how I got them if they showed. It was Kim who hit me. She was a total bitch. She would yell and scream if I didn't do things her way and would snap at me when I started crying. Don didn't do anything to stop it. He just sat in front of the TV and drank a lot. Some excuse for a wizard he was. When I was seven, Kim left me at the grocery store because I wouldn't keep up with her and got distracted by a pineapple. I remember trying to find my way home and getting very lost. Kim pretended to be terribly worried when I was brought home by the police officer, but once he was gone, she hit me and told me to never do that again. I remember being eight and at school and asking her if I could go on a field trip that cost very little and her telling me that I could go if I could find the money, but I didn't have an allowance and I ended up stealing from a friend's mum's purse. I got caught and Kim beat me mercilessly. She always hit me when I did accidental magic. I remember running away from home and somehow making it to London. I was lost, I was scared, I had stolen ten pounds from Don's beer money box, and I had about three pounds left to get something to eat, since I hadn't been home in two days and I had only eaten what I could get strangers to buy for me or what I could steal...which wasn't much. I don't remember how I got caught, but I think an officer found me in Kensington Gardens asleep behind a shrub. He asked me all these questions and I finally just told him everything. He filed his reports and he got me taken away from Kim and Don. I only have one thing from their house left and that was a stuffed rabbit with one eye that I insisted I get when I left. Mr. Buns has been with me since I was three.

Daddy fostered me when I was ten, after being in care for a year. I remember meeting Daddy for the first time at the care home. He was dressed in a sweater with patches on the elbows and he was nervous. He fidgeted. The first thing I noticed when he came over to talk to me were his eyes. They were just so kind. He told me his name and he asked if I would like to get to know him and maybe come home with him. I had seen some of the other children adopted, so I knew that I would have other people to help me along the way. I nodded. Then I blurted out a very rude question- I asked him how he got the scars on his face. He told me that he had an accident many years ago, but he was alright now and didn't mind them. They reminded him to be more careful in everything. Being ten, that answer worked. My foster mother was a witch, she had requested that I be one of her charges, so she was able to help me understand that Daddy was a wizard. It was over three months into our visits and overnights and interviews that I finally found out he was a werewolf. I didn't mind it, either. I'd been around him on the days of full moons and he seemed normal enough to me.

I guess I didn't realise until when I found that letter in Daddy's book that he was my foster father until Papa and he decided to formally adopt me. I guess it never really mattered. He was always Daddy.

I went to live with him shortly before I turned eleven. I did get my Hogwarts letter, but I didn't feel ready- I wanted to have a home before I left it already. Daddy agreed that was a good idea and he taught me himself. He was a very good teacher and there are some classes now that I think I could practically teach- Charms, being the big one. I am very very good with Charms. I can also do a lot of protective spells and if you ask me anything about werewolves, I am an expert.

Wow. I did not expect to get that much of my story written out. It kind of feels good, anyway, to be able to see it all on paper. I mean, I survived it.

Guess I'm tougher than I thought!

~L'elly.

* * *

**15\. November-**

Bobbie:

Here's to impending doom.

Headmaster Dumbledore asked me yesterday about how I wanted to go about having the Rowe's visit. I told him I'd rather not, but he said it was best to let them see me here so they would at least understand that I am well and cared for. He said maybe, if they understood where I was and who I was, they would stop trying to tear me away from the life I have and that I love. Fine, whatever. It won't work, but if he wants to try this little experiment of his, I'll play along.

He also asked if I wanted Daddy here when they were. That would probably cause a war. I told him no, I could handle things myself. Daddy has things he has to do for the Order and I don't want them making his life any harder than it has to be because they're insensitive idiots. I think he's writing to Daddy about the visit, but I will also write to him tonight.

The Rowes are set up to visit on 22. November. The Headmaster told them that was when they could visit, so they had better clear the time to do so or they wouldn't get the chance.

Maybe they'll back down. I can only hope.

~L'elly.

* * *

**16\. November-**

Bobbie:

Time for another day of wandering around and doing homework. I've got the wandering bit down, thank you.

I'm worried about what the Rowes are up to this time. I'm sick of thinking about them. They're visiting two days before the full moon. I don't want them to be here then. The full moon is when I think most about Daddy and Papa and it's kind of my special time to think. It used to be my special time with Papa. He and I would make sure that Daddy had his potion and we'd spend the first part of the night playing games and thinking up stories. It was wonderful- just he and I. I learned a lot from Papa during those full moon nights. Daddy did most of my schooling, the serious stuff, but Papa taught me about other things. He was street-wise. He was tough. He knew how to pick a fight (though Daddy knew how to avoid them and to mediate them once they started). Papa was a wonderful storyteller and, when he wasn't telling me about his outlandish adventures, he was making the tales in books come to life and he was making up his own silly versions of them and letting me help. I have, somewhere in my trunk, a little notebook that I wrote all our stories down in after we made them up.

I think, if the Rowes are still here on the 24th, I will find that notebook and read those stories again. Maybe I can teach some of them to my brother, if he's real.

I'm meeting Draco again this evening. We decided that we needed to spend some time reading the Grimm's tales together because we both find them to be terribly funny. I also have some more recent German stories as well- cautionary tales that always have disastrous endings for the naughty children in the stories...and I find them to be just fabulously funny. I suppose that's Papa's sense of humour in me.

I'll update if anything interesting happens during Grimm's time.

~L'elly.

* * *

After Grimm-

Bobbie:

Nothing terribly fantastic happened tonight, but it was still a good night. We read the stories, we laughed a lot, and when it started snowing, we came inside. I would have liked to play a little in the snow, but I'm not sure Draco's quite for snow-play anymore. He may have grown out of it. I didn't!

G'Night-

~L'elly.

* * *

**20\. November-**

Bobbie:

Gah, I am so NERVOUS for Friday! I don't want to see the Rowes, I don't want to have anything to do with them, and I certainly don't want them to see where I go to school, even though I know they went here themselves. WHY did Headmaster Dumbledore have to agree to let them visit? I just want them to leave me alone!

GAH!

~L'elly.

* * *

**22\. November-**

Bobbie:

I've survived the first day of the Rowes' visit. Granted, they didn't arrive until after classes were over for the day, but I still had to deal with them for part of it, so it counts as a small victory.

They tried to hug me when they first saw me, but I didn't let them. Kim told me how much she loved that I had kept my hair long. As soon as they leave, I'm chopping it up to my chin. I've been meaning to do that, anyway. They introduced me to my brother. He's four. His name is Ben, and he is a complete brat. He got upset when his parents told him he couldn't come to Hogwarts for kindergarten and he threw a fit. Neither of them did anything to shut the little brat up.

They wanted to see where I slept, so I showed them Gryffindor's common room. They wanted to see my classrooms, so I showed them around a little and then we ran into Professor Snape. Surprisingly, he didn't snark at me for being in his hallway. I asked him if I could show Kim and Don his classroom.

He raised an eyebrow and was then awesome when he said, "I prefer not. The child would touch something and destroy it. It will not be allowed in my classroom." Kim volunteered Don to watch Ben in the hallway while she went in with me. He looked her up and down and then spoke, "Kimberly Hall, I presume?" She nodded and he continued, "You had no respect for the Dark Arts while you were attending here and I assume your attitudes have not changed. Your daughter, thankfully, has picked up some of her father's respect for the subject."

At this, Kim turned to Don and said something about that she didn't know he had excelled in Defense Against the Dark Arts and this is where Professor Snape earned his awesome points. He looked at Kim and said, "I did not mean him- I meant her father." At that, he turned and went back to his office, slamming the door behind him. Kim got all defensive and was asking what he meant, so I just shrugged and said I didn't know until she asked who that professor was. When I told her that was Professor Severus Snape, she got all quiet and didn't say anything until we got to the Great Hall for dinner, during which she insisted on meeting my friends, but since I usually sit alone to eat, I didn't have anyone to introduce her to. Thankfully, Luna decided to sit with me today. I think she scared them, but my brother was a little prat to her, telling her that everything she said was wrong. If that kid were mine, I'd have left him home with a sitter...and taught him some manners to begin with.

After dinner, Kim and Don were walking to meet Headmaster Dumbledore with me when Draco passed us. He was on duty, but he did see who was with me, and I am going to assume that from the look on my face, he knew who they were, so he stopped us, gave me a huge bear-hug, and then walked off. Don asked if that was my boyfriend- wow, so he can still speak. I told him that no, he wasn't- he was dating Pansy. Ben started spouting off how I was a liar and Kim just smiled and passively tried to shut him up. I wish I could just hex him.

Don asked me who the boy was, so I just smiled, "Oh, that was Draco Malfoy." Kim stopped trying to talk to Ben very abruptly as I waved them on, "Come on, then- we don't want to make the Headmaster wait and we're almost there!"

Headmaster Dumbledore took them to their guest room and I was dismissed to go do homework, thank god. Apparently they aren't leaving until Sunday.

I wish it was Monday already.

~L'elly.

* * *

**23\. November-**

Bobbie:

It is now Saturday evening and I am more and more convinced that Kim is insane and Don has no spine and Ben is the most irritating child on the planet. They are sitting in the common room trying to talk to my classmates and trying to find out about my habits and if anything interesting has happened to me while I've been here. Ginny is off somewhere with Neville. Harry and Hermione are conspiring about something while Ron and Seamus are studying. Luna is with Kim and Don, telling stories. She just made them gasp something terrible, so I hope she told them something utterly insane or something about one of Harry's crazy adventures. I bet she told them about that fight in the Department of Mysteries where HE came back. You know, that battle that happened at the end of last year where she and a bunch of other students nearly got themselves killed, but foiled the plans of a bunch of Death Eaters and showed the world that their leader had risen. Don even looks worried. I bet that's what she told them.

They met Harry a little earlier in the evening and he had to be rescued by Hermione because Don wouldn't stop shaking his hand and Kim wouldn't stop staring.

It's been a week since Draco and I met in the Astronomy tower. I wish I could just disappear back up there now, but nope, not going to happen.

This has been the longest day of my life, and it's not even over yet.

~L'elly.

* * *

**24\. November-**

Bobbie:

I found the book of Papa's stories. If the Rowes aren't out of here by noon, I start traumatising their son.

Long live the noble House of Black.

~L'elly.

* * *

After Lunch-

Bobbie:

Thank god, they're gone! Yay! I want to go dance somewhere, but I have homework to do. Bah!

I'll get to reading tonight.

~L'elly.

* * *

Night-

Bobbie:

I sneaked up to the Astronomy tower to read Papa's stories by the light of Daddy's moon. It was nice- just me and the night, until just before I was about to leave, just after the clock struck ten, when Draco showed up. He figured I would end up in the tower because it's getting rather predictable that I will be here when I want to just think. I almost told him to leave me alone, but thought better of myself. He asked me what I was reading and I explained to him what and why. He didn't seem upset by it. That was odd, I guess- yes, my father was killed by a Death Eater and fought you all to the end, but hey, let's hear some of his stories. Draco didn't mind it. He asked if I could read one of them out loud, if it wasn't too personal.

This guy is two completely different people, depending on who he is with. It's crazy! What kind of person does that to themselves?

Anyway, I totally read him one of them, and he thought it was so funny, and then he asked if he could read one out loud to me. I wasn't so sure about it, but I found one to let him read. It was fun to read the stories to each other. He did alright, for not being Papa, you know?

Well, we ended up heading downstairs to bed because it was very windy and a bit too chilly. It's not quite midnight, and after this weekend, I sure need a good night's rest.

Ta-

~L'elly.

* * *

**26\. November-**

Bobbie:

Got a letter from the Rowes. Not going to paste it in. I already burned it. It said I absolutely had to come home to them immediately over break for my own wellness or they were going to have no choice but to see if they couldn't have me taken away from Daddy.

For hell's sake, can't they just leave well enough alone and get out of my life?

Bring it, Rowe family...Daddy and I are up for the fight.

~L'elly.

 


	4. 1996:  December

**1\. December-**

Bobbie:

This hair has GOT to go. Apparently, Luna has some skill at this. After dinner, we lose the length- up to the chin, going for the simple with no bangs. We'll see how everyone takes it. All I know is this has to go. The Rowes liking it solidified my decision.

To the short of it!

~L'elly.

* * *

**1\. December (post-chopping)-**

Bobbie:

Luna did well- it's hacked. I'm happy, now to bed- there's not much left to say. Ginny says it looks nice at the new length. Good. We'll see tomorrow if anyone but my Gryffindor gals can deal with it.

Ta.

~L'elly.

* * *

**2\. December-**

Bobbie:

Well, reactions today weren't bad- most were positive. Neville seemed to be very fond of it, but there were also some very vicious taunts from Pansy and her friends. She's such an insufferable bitch. I totally wish Draco would just break up with her already. Why is he even with her? How can he stand to spend time with her, or to kiss her?

I know, it's none of my business, but he SO deserves better than that.

I got three letters today. THREE! I'm excited, since two of them are from family- Daddy and Tonks (might as well start getting used to it now, right?). The other one, the one that I am not sure I even want to read, is from...guess who? Yup, the damned Rowes. Just leave me alone, already!

I'll paste the letters in here this evening. I'll need thinking space after I read them.

Ta-

~L'elly.

* * *

Ten at Night-

Bobbie:

Letters pasted below: Daddy's, Rowes', Tonks'.

_L'elly, lovely-_

_Albus wrote to me about your visit with the Rowes and I also got your letter from last week. I am so sorry that they are not letting you make up your own mind about who you call family. I know how important that is to you._

_Oddly enough, and his may even surprise you, my little Wilde child, I got a letter from Severus as well. He simply said that I had better not let, "those imbeciles" take my daughter. I take it that he met them and was none too well impressed?_

_The full moon went fine. I still have a good stock of Wolfsbane and I know where I can find it, should something drastic happen. You don't need to worry so much about me, though it is one of the many ways that you are so very much like Sirius. He used to check in on me religiously from sunset onward, regardless as to when moonrise was in the day or night._

_Now, about you. You mentioned in your letter that you think Draco may be in some kind of trouble- that maybe he has been asked to do something that could endanger the school. Why do you say that? Do you know for certain that he is a Death Eater? I know you're very close to the boy, but please, be careful. This is no game, and if he is, he may be asked to kill you or yours and that isn't an order he can just ignore. He must do as he is commanded by his Master, lest worst things befall him or his family. Unlike Tonks' mother, Andromeda, you do not have the family connections that can protect you. She may have rebelled from her family, but she is still the sister of Bellatrix Lestrange and Narcissa Malfoy and that carries some weight. You do not have that kind of protection and must be a vigilant and careful._

_Now, on a more current note, how do you feel about your end of term examinations? Do you have any friends you can study with?_

_I am at the Burrow at the present, and Molly and Arthur both send their love. They've offered to be your first stop over the Holiday break, as I will not be able to meet you in London. Don't worry, I will be there in time for Christmas Eve and after Christmas we will strike out on our own- we'll have a day or so on our own as we travel the old-fashioned way to visit Tonks and her parents, Andromeda and Ted._

_Keep working hard at your studies and be cautions. I am so glad we will get to see each other again soon._

_Dad._

_Jill-_

_You absolutely must not go home with this Remus Lupin over the Christmas holidays. We've recently discovered that he was, and may still be, a member of a dangerous revolutionary group called the "Order of the Phoenix" that was active the last time that You-Know-Who was terrorising the country. Please, Jill, for your own safety, come home to us this break._

_Love-_   
_Mom and Dad (+Ben)_

_L'elly-_

_By now, I figure your father has told you that I've fallen pretty hard for him and he's being resistant as ever- something about being too old, too poor, and too dangerous for me. I keep telling him that age isn't any worry, money can be found when needed, and I'm an Order member- I eat danger for breakfast. You know your dad, though- stubborn, as ever._

_I just want to make sure that you're alright with this. I'm not trying to replace Sirius. I would never do that. I am not going to ask to be your mum, though if you want me to be, I will do my best, and I am NOT trying to steal your dad away from you. I love Remus, and part of that means that I make sure that I protect his family and don't do stupid things that would hurt either of you._

_I've invited you both to come to Tonks House, my parents' place, after Christmas at the Burrow. I hope you can come to meet my parents. They may be crazy for naming me Nymphadora (we'll just blame Mum's family for that one!), but they're wonderful people and I am sure that they will adore you and you will like them._

_Anyway, I miss you loads and can't wait to see you!_   
_Tonks._

Ok, Daddy's letter first for Lewellyn commentary!

Wow...Professor Snape actually wrote to Daddy? It's no surprise that he doesn't like the Rowes, but the fact that he wrote a letter to Daddy is shocking- I mean, don't those two completely despise each other? And they actually agree on something? THAT is what is impressive!

The fact that Daddy's worried about me seeing Draco is understandable, but it's cool that he doesn't tell me NOT to be around him. I think he, of all people, understands what it is like to be close to someone whom everyone else thinks is wicked. I didn't know that Tonks is Draco's cousin. That's a little weird, but no stranger than some of the things I've heard at Hogwarts. How does that work if Tonks marries Daddy? Does that make Draco and I second cousins or something? Can we still maybe someday eventually date? I think it's alright, since we aren't blood relatives or anything.

I'm excited for Christmas at the Burrow- I love spending time there because Molly notices me- where I am, when I'm not there- she's everybody's mum. It will be fun to meet Andromeda and Ted. Tonks is persistent- she's going to get what she wants, somehow, even if it takes her ages to get it. You have to admire a woman like that.

Onto the Rowes' letter. That's just hilarious. Moving on.

Tonks...Nymphadora- what a sense of humour! She's so sweet to be asking how I feel about her pursuit of Daddy. I'll make sure to write her back tonight, as well as Daddy. I'm thinking of finding a creative way to dispose of Kim and Don's letter. Maybe I'll drop it in something nasty in Potions class.

Someone's coming- three guesses who, and the first two don't count.

~L'elly.

* * *

**3\. December (Midnight-thirty)-**

Bobbie:

So, did you guess who? Yup, Draco.

I swear, I see more of him than I do my housemates some days. He asked me what I was doing up there, other than maybe studying for finals (which I am not doing yet). I told him. He asked if he could read the letters. I had to tell him that he couldn't. As much as I would like to just spill everything, he can't know about who is in this second Order. He was hurt, but I did a little explaining.

"Draco, my father sometimes writes things in his letters that, if HE could get into your mind, would endanger our side. I'm sure there are some things you can't tell me, either."

He seemed alright with it and then asked if I would read out-loud anything that I could. O.k., fine. I could do that. I told him about Snape's letter to Daddy and I told him about how Daddy had not said to avoid him. I read the Rowes' letter out-loud. Draco grew up wizard and anyone who did knows about the members of the old Order. I also asked him about Andromeda. I mentioned that I had met her daughter and she was a family friend. I said that Daddy had mentioned the connection and I asked why I hadn't heard of it before.

He explained, "Well, my mother and her sisters are daughters in the house of Black. You know that, right?" I nodded- I'd seen the Black family tree, "Andromeda married a Muggleborn wizard- you can guess how well that went over in the family, especially if you know anything about how Sirius was treated by his mother when he was sorted into Gryffindor. Sirius and Andromeda were both thrown out of the family and the family pretends they never existed."

"Well, that sounds like a stupid thing to disown someone for, but I guess some people still do it."

He was a little uncomfortable, probably because he'd risk being thrown out himself if he ever did as he wished. I don't know how stupid and stuck-up his parents really are. With Death Eaters, appearances are loyalties and they ensure survival.

After a few more minutes, we parted ways and here I am scribbling in Gryffindor Common room.

I should get up to bed-

~L'elly.

* * *

**7\. December-**

Bobbie:

Draco sent me an owl today saying to meet, as usual, up in the Astronomy Tower, for books and fun. He is such a literary nerd, but heaven knows he won't tell anyone else about that! Anyway, the Grimm's tales book still has a few stories in it that we haven't gotten to that are just begging to be read aloud.

Now, however, it is time for a study-time planning meeting with the gang (Neville, Ginny, Collin, Seamus, the Trio, and Luna) to schedule a series of study sessions before we tackle our exams the week of the sixteenth. We are absolutely not gong to use Hermione's proposed schedule: every evening between Monday and then for four hours. HELL NO! Study parties should not suck dry our souls and create zombies out of us- firstly, that's the job of the actual examination, and secondly, no one is going to be zombified before HE comes to power. Really, I'd rather be a flesh-eating undead monster as a last resort, preferably after a battle versus evil.

Anyway, I have a date with destiny...or at least with the destiny of the dreaded study debate and then with the unlucky Grimm's characters and Draco.

Cheers!

~L'elly.

* * *

**8\. December-**

Bobbie:

So...there's quite a lot of story to tell about last night. Nothing naughty or scandalous, mind you, but I think I'm going to have a lot of pages taken up telling you everything that went on.

To begin, we did read Grimm's tales for quite a long while, at least until it started snowing. At that point, the book went away and my camera came out. We started catching snowflakes on our tongues. We were laughing and playing and having a wonderful time. The snow started falling more heavily- it was falling so heavy that it was hard to see more than a metre in front of our faces. We sat down and curled up together by the wall, my book tucked up with us and a huge fuzzy blanket wrapped around our shoulders. He tugged the blanket full around us and held me close. I was a little uncomfortable at first- not because of what he did, but because I'm not so sure how this relationship thing works. Is this a relationship like that? I eventually relaxed against him and I guess I fell asleep.

This morning, I woke up in a room I'd never seen in a gorgeous, richly draped bed that was astonishingly comfortable in a very simply decorated setting. It was heaven. One bed over, on a very plain cot, slept Draco. There was a coffee percolator on the dresser, along with scones and place settings. There was a serving tray on the dresser as well. I dozed off again. The room seemed safe. A little while later, I woke up and he was up and he was sitting on the edge of the bed, just waiting for me to wake up. He smiled, happy to see me, and then brought over coffee and scones on the breakfast tray, then climbed under the covers with me. We ate breakfast together and then I finally decided to drag my arse out of bed. I feel so lazy!

So...yeah. Not sure how to deal with this, and I don't really think this is quite something I can write to Daddy about- maybe I can tell him that I think I like a boy and I want help knowing how to tell him. At least that seems simple enough, right? Here I am, sixteen, and what the heck just happened?

No idea, but I liked it!

~L'elly.

* * *

**9\. December-**

Bobbie:

Study schedule:  
12, Thursday- 6pm-9pm 14, Saturday- 6pm-9pm

Exam rounds:  
All next week

Brush-up studying:  
16, Monday- 6pm-9pm

Argh.

~L'elly.

* * *

**14\. December-**

Bobbie:

If Hermione's study sessions don't kill me, exams may just finish me off.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**15\. December-**

 

Bobbie:

I got a reply from Daddy about dating. He's only slightly helpful.

_L'elly-_

_Dear, you're growing up and this is something that other people won't be able to give you much advice on. You could go the Tonks route, which is very very direct, or you could do what Sirius did, which was to drop a series of little hints just about every chance he could get until I broke down and asked him what he wanted (to which he responded by kissing me...I was not expecting it!). You could also find your own way. You don't have to be overtly blunt or frustratingly evasive. This is something you have to approach yourself, as every lover is different and every person you date is going to have a different idea as to how your relationship could go. Some people like the direct route. Some like playing games. Some will be scared off by bluntness, and others will get so frustrated that they give up and stop paying attention to the little hints (believe it or not, I nearly did). There are just so many different types of people._

_Whatever you decide, take things slow, let them come naturally, be careful, and follow your heart. If you do that, you will find your path and if you trust your instincts, you will likely discover what works for whomever this lucky person is._

_Just be safe._   
_Dad._

I suppose he's right, though, as unhelpful as it all seems.

~L'elly.

* * *

**16\. December-**

Bobbie:

I think I completely died in the Potions exam today. I really thought I knew this stuff, but the examination was just so insanely hard! I tried my best, I did what I could, and I still feel like I totally failed at it.

Unfortunately, I have to face the study group tonight. I do NOT want to tell them how badly I think I did.

Bah.

~L'elly.

* * *

**19\. December-**

Bobbie:

I'm trying to forget that I still have tomorrow to get through before the examinations week is over.

Today was full of fun, though, for Ginny and I, who slipped off (with our McGonagall's permission, of course!) to do some Christmas shopping in Hogsmeade. We didn't really buy much, but it was wonderful to just be out and not at the school.

When we got back, apparently Romilda Vane tried to slip Harry a Love Potion. I find that terribly funny.

Here's to surviving tomorrow- one more day, the Slughorn Christmas party, and then we're out of here!

~L'elly.

* * *

**20\. December-**

Bobbie:

Sneaking a moment to write during Slughorn's party. Not a bad group here, if you ask me. It's entertaining, but when Filch dragged in Draco, I wanted to rush over and ask him if he was alright. He wasn't looking well. Professer Snape whisked him off and I've lost track of him. Harry's gone, too. This is probably not a good sign. I'm off to find where they both went.

~L'elly.

* * *

Later-

Bobbie:

Alright, so being sneaky is not something I am very good at. I went after Draco and Harry and ran into Professor Snape instead. He was heading back to the party. I smiled and he raised his eyebrow and I wondered what he was going to do.

He asked me a question, "Did you overhear anything?"

I shook my head, "No- I'm just trying to find Draco- I'm worried about him."

Here's the weird part- he just hmpf'ed, "You should be. He went in that direction." He pointed and I thanked him. It was strange, but at the same time...it made sense. It verified that there was something to be worried about. I keep getting this nagging feeling that Draco is way in over his head.

I followed the direction that Professor Snape pointed, thanked him again, and tried to think of all the places that he could be. I also had his Christmas gift in my handbag and wanted to give it to him before we departed from school. I would much rather do that tonight, than deal with it while getting on the train tomorrow.

I decided to start my search in Slytherin house. No luck. Then I thought again, and checked the Room of Requirement (which I did find!). No luck. Then I thought about that classroom we ducked into back when I was dealing with the Rowes. That one turned out to be lucky.

Draco was sitting on a table, his back turned to the door, not doing anything at all, that I could tell. He was just silent.

He was also freakin' gorgeous in his black after-hours suit.

I wasn't silent, but I walked over to him and he didn't turn to me. I placed my hand on his shoulder and he didn't jump. He just glanced at my hand to see who I was and went back to staring down at the floor. I figured, what the hell, I'd join him, so I sat down, too.

Now, I don't know what he and Professor Snape were talking about, so I don't know what kind of a funk he's in at this point.

I also don't mind silence. So much can be said by not saying anything that it makes it a shame that so many people think they have to fill every moment with idle chatter.

So we sit. Eventually, he speaks.

"Did you hear what he said?"

Why is there all this paranoia about what may have been overheard?

"No. I just ran into Professor Snape and he told me what direction you had headed off in."

"There's something I have to do- and it's going to hurt a lot of people. I can't stop it, I can't get out of it. The job is mine. Whatever happens, stay safe."

I sighed, "I'll try, but you know that we're on opposite sides on this one- I don't know what I'll be asked to do, either."

"Yeah, but you still have a choice and a chance to do what you need to."

He has a point. A very good point. So I told him that. Then I asked him if I would see him after break. He told me that yes, he was going to come back to Hogwarts, I shouldn't worry about that. We went qui I smiled and told him the same, then I reached into my bag and pulled out what I had gotten him for Christmas. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a little package.

I insisted that he open his first, so he did, and his face lit up when he saw his gift- I had found, in a very cluttered bookshop, a very old, leather bound copy of "Hamlet"- it really is beautiful.

He smiled, "Shakespeare was a wizard, you know...my parents can't complain at all about this...thank you so much. It's beautiful. I've never actually read this play. Again, thank you. Now it's your turn."

I carefully opened the soft package and opened the little silk bag in it. In the bag (gorgeous and deep forest green, by the way), was a silver oval locket on a delicate chain.

It is beautiful. The surface of the silver is etched with a leaf motif. I love it.

He told me that he hadn't put anything in it because that was for me to decide. He offered to clip it around my neck. I let him. I thanked him, then gave him a big bear hug.

Here's where things take a gold-star turn. When we finally started to pull apart, he stopped and kissed my cheek. I blushed a little, but then returned the gesture. I kissed his cheek back. He actually blushed a little, too. It was adorable.

He then spoke, "So...we should get going. The others are bound to wonder where we've been."

"Yeah, we probably should."

"I'll miss you while we're on holiday."

"I'll miss you, too."

He paused, "I care about you a lot, Lewellyn- please, be careful."

We both had gotten up from the table and were walking together towards the door. His hand was on the door handle when I responded.

"You, too, Draco- I don't want anything to happen to you, either."

He smiled and held the door for me. He gave my hand a quick squeeze before we parted ways, and that was it. I'll probably see him tomorrow on the train, but that's not exactly time I'll have to talk to him.

And that settles it- I am falling for Draco bloody Malfoy.

I will never hear the end of it if the Trio finds out...

~L'elly.

* * *

**21\. December (happy Yule!)-**

Bobbie-

At the Burrow- we boarded the train this morning. I wish we could wander London for a while, but we have to get to Weasley Central straight away. Harry, Ron, and Ginny were, of course, also headed to the Burrow. When we got off the train, Molly hugged all of us while Arthur made sure we all had our luggage and we all piled it into his car (Engorgio charms are magnificent!).

Upon our arrival, Harry and Ron disappeared off on their own and Ginny ran off to her room to find the cat. Molly sat down at the kitchen table and gestured for me to have a seat. I love Molly. She asked me how I was and if I had many friends at school. She then asked me if I was alright with Daddy and Tonks, and I told her that I was. Then she asked how I thought I did on my examinations, and I told her about them all, including the terrible experience on the Potions exam. I doubt I passed. She was very consoling and offered to bake me lemon bars. See why I love this woman? I asked if I could help in the kitchen. Now, I'm at the table, jotting down this entry before dinner, munching on a lemon bar with tea.

I'll write more later- I'm sure I'll have the time.

~L'elly.

* * *

**22\. December-**

Bobbie:

The boys (H+R) were talking about Draco today. Apparently they suspect that he's up to something as well. I think Harry wants to talk to Daddy about it when he gets here. I wish they'd just lay off Draco, though- they act like he's pure evil. I know he's done some pretty nasty stuff, especially to Harry, but that's not reason enough to class him as completely wicked. I think it comes down to appearances. Until Lucius Malfoy was tossed in Azkaban this past year, Draco was the son of one of His most bad-ass generals. Harry is the enemy. Of course the boys have to hate each other! What do you think that He would do if Draco was best friends with His enemy? Nothing good, that's for sure!

Anyway, we'll see what happens. Daddy is supposed to be here on Christmas Eve. I can't wait!

Ta!

~L'elly.

* * *

**23\. December-**

Bobbie:

Well, I had an interesting day day today. We got our grades this morning, and I did NOT fail the Potions examination! I actually didn't do all too terrible. I passed with an Acceptable. I'll take it!

On another note, Ron noticed my locket today. He asked me where I got it. I told him that a friend of mine gave it to me. He asked who, so I told him that it was from no one he knew. In truth, he doesn't really know Draco, so it's not really lying, right? I don't care at this point, anyway- I don't want to deal with the crap I would get if they knew.

I did put a picture in it, by the way- I managed to snap a picture of us playing in the snow a few weeks ago. I shrunk it down and cropped it so I could fit it in the locket. It's nice to have a picture of our happiness right close, especially with trouble brewing on the horizon.

Ron is bugging me. Now he wants to know where my ring came from.

Shove it, Ronald.

~L'elly.

* * *

**24\. December (Christmas Eve!)-**

Bobbie:

Daddy arrived today. I got in a hug before Harry filched him and ran off with Arthur to discuss Order business. What's a girl to do? Borrow an Extendable Ear, of course, and follow them. They didn't think to charm the room for secrecy, so I had a clear shot at listening in. Daddy mentioned that He had a werewolf named Greyback working for Him. Apparently this is the werewolf that bit Daddy. Then Harry reported what he overheard Draco and Professor Snape talking about. Snape had offered to help Draco, who protested, saying he had a plan, but it was taking more time than he had anticipated. Professor Snape said that he had made an Unbreakable Vow to Draco's mother about all this. Someone started to walk my way, so I retracted the ear and bolted. I was not going to get caught.

I wonder what it means? I just hope Draco's alright.

Anyway, tonight is a full moon. I'm helping Molly get everything ready for Daddy. She said she would sit up with me and we could read together from Papa's book. She's so sweet.

~L'elly.

* * *

**25\. December (happy Christmas!)-**

Bobbie:

This morning, I went down to breakfast and Molly had a gift pile with something for everyone. I snuggled up to Daddy. We may not have gotten our alone-time yet, but it's Christmas and we're together, so that's what matters most. The twins have been making us laugh since they got here.

I got a very lovely, colourful, warm sweater from Molly, and she knitted a scarf for me in the Gryffindor colours. I'm going to wear them when Daddy and I set out this evening. He said we are going to travel Muggle style to meet Andromeda and Ted. I'll definitely need to keep warm!

I'll write more one we set out.

~L'elly.

* * *

Evening-

Bobbie:

So just before we left, guess who showed up at the house? Percy Weasley, with the Minister in tow! They were there to try to get Harry to be all pro-Ministry. Ha! That's a total joke!

Anyway, Daddy and I set out a little after dinner and now here we are, walking, apparently, the first leg of our journey. Daddy said he's got everything arranged so we can travel undetected. Apparently, his mission for the Order has him in a bit of a dangerous spot, so we have to be very careful and very quiet about our movements. I'm fine with that. It means we have more time together. Molly is sending our trunks on with Arthur at some point, so we don't end up without our things- she says this is especially important for me, so I can keep up on my studies over break. Really, so long as I have clothes and the gifts Draco gave me, I'm fine with having an excuse not to study over the holiday...

We're on break right now, from our walking. Daddy found a safe spot that we can rest a bit before we move on. He's looking at the maps to make sure we're on the right path. He hasn't asked yet about the locket, but I did catch him asking Molly before we left if she knew where I had obtained it from. He hasn't asked me directly, yet, though. I wonder if he somehow knows, just doesn't want to know for sure? I mean, I would have some pretty mixed feelings if I were him, thinking about my daughter and one of our enemies being very close friends. Heaven forbid that I tell him how I feel about Draco, or that he kissed me on the cheek!

It's about time to get moving again- time to put away the writing and get walking- Daddy's got a pretty strict schedule he's having us follow so we get to Tonks Central tomorrow evening.

I wonder where we'll sleep tonight?

~L'elly.

* * *

**29\. December-**

Bobbie:

Things have been insane since we got here!

Daddy and I arrived, as planned, on St. Stephen's Day in the late evening. We crashed into bed and didn't wake up until Tonks barged into each of our rooms late the next morning. Apparently, there had been some tension between Remus and Andromeda and Ted when they had initially met, but Tonks tells me everything is fine now. Andromeda is cool- she said I could call her Andi. So now I've got Andi and Ted to add to the family tree (presumably...by the eyes Tonks keeps making at Daddy, most likely). St. Stephen's Day was spent out playing together and eating leftovers from Christmas. The next day, we went to a nearby village and Andi asked me to pick out a Christmas present from she and Ted. I found a lovely pair of silver shoes and she then asked if I had a dress for New Year's Eve. Of course, I didn't, so she took me to a dress shop and she had me try on all these fabulous gowns- she said I could try on whatever I wanted and I could pick out one. Such a decision! I decided on a strapless tea-length dress. It's black, so simple, with rhinestones along the top and a sheer silver ribbon at the waist that ties in the back. It even has tulle under it, so the skirt poofs out a little! I am so excited for when I get to wear it!

On Saturday, Tonks, Daddy, and I went down to the sea and watched the waves before coming in and having hot chocolate with Andi and Ted. We all (even Andi in her elegant wool dress!) went sledding that evening- it was such fun!

That brings us to today- it's just after lunch right now, and we've been sending out owls all day to invite people to the New Year's party. Of course, it's mostly Order members- we've invited everyone who stays at the Burrow, Kingsley, of course, and Minerva. Andi refuses to invite Fletcher, and I can't blame her. We invited Dumbledore, but he already turned down his invitation (personally, with a face through the Floo Network- some business with the Ministry, apparently). I asked to invite Luna and Neville, so I've been permitted to ask them along as well. Luna really is one of my only friends.

I wish I could invite Draco, but I just know how terribly that would go over, what with him being a Death Eater in the middle of the Order, and all.

Anyway- off to sit down to think up decorating. Tonks and Remus have been told to go off and have a day to themselves and Andi, Ted, and I are working on the party- it's loads of fun and I really am getting to like my new family members very much.

This could work out, you know!

~L'elly.

* * *

**30\. December-**

Bobbie:

I heard back from Luna today! She's going to be coming, and she said she had heard from Neville and his gran is going to make sure they both get here safely. I talked to Andi, and she extended her invitation to Neville's gran (Augusta). Remus thinks it is a great idea, too. He told me what Neville's parents did and how they ended up in St. Mungo's. It's absolutely terrible! Poor Alice and Frank...we're going to have to make sure to take down Bellatrix for that. She's just so evil!

On a happier note, I sent Draco a holiday card and got a reply, Of course, I didn't let him know my address. I gave instructions to Keef to wait for a reply and I told Draco that Keef would either wait there or it would sit someplace hidden outside, but it knew to do what it needed to in order to make sure he had the opportunity to respond.

_L'elly-_

_It was amazing to read your letter. I miss you. Holidays here are rather boring- I mean, they're spectacular, but it just seems so...void of any meaning. I am very happy to see my mother, though. Dad's still in Azkaban. We're visiting him on the third. Mom managed to pull some strings so we could see him for ten minutes._

_Mom asked where my book came from- I told her that one of my friends gave it to me. She asked me who, and I told her that she didn't know you. She pried and I finally told her you are a girl...and Mom was beaming. She said I didn't have to say who, but she hoped we were happy. I told her we were and then she asked what Pansy thought of you. I told her that Pansy didn't know and I wasn't planning on sharing that with her._

_Pansy...I've wanted to talk to you about her for a while now, but I just don't know how to tell you what is going through my head. I have to look like I have a girlfriend that the Dark Lord approves of. If I were to be seen as being close to you, we'd probably both end up dead, whether or not we dated...not that I am saying we should, or anything, since I don't know how you feel about this all. I'm fine with being just very close friends for now. It's safer._

_Whatever you are doing to celebrate the New Year, have fun. I wish we could celebrate together, but it isn't in any way safe, not for you to be here, nor for me to be there. I hope that one of these days, I can introduce you to my family, you can introduce me to yours, and we can all sit down together for tea or something. It might be fun._

_I'll see you when we get back to school. Mom and I have been reading "Hamlet" together in the evenings. Ophelia was just talking in flowers. It's fascinating._

_Your friend, Draco._

_P.S.- We really should think up nicknames for each other, or something. I've always wanted a nickname._

He's never had a nickname? Well, we're going to have to change that! I wonder what he has in mind?

Oh Draco, I, too, hope we can all get together for tea some day! Being all secretive about each other can't be good for us...

Well, back to decorating- Andi's been cleaning all day and Ted's been working on charming things to sparkle. I think we have crystals hung from just about every place in the house that could possibly hold them. With the candles she's charming to float (just like at Hogwarts!), the house is going to look spectacular.

Ta!

~L'elly.

 


	5. 1997:  January

**1\. January (just barely!)-**

Bobbie:

It's 1997, and has been for about four minutes. Neville's gran is hilarious and she and Ted have been trading stories for something like the past hour. Neville and Luna are playing Exploding Snap. I was playing with them, but I need a break from everyone. Tonks tried to kiss Daddy at the final chime of the clock, but he dodged and she ended up stumbling into Kingsley instead. He took it well. Daddy vanished off somewhere- he said he had some business to do. Gah.

I just wish that this year was going to be an easy one- I wish that everything suddenly would turn out all right, and we'd all be one happy family and things wouldn't be so hard to figure out, but I know that's not going to happen, by any measure. If anything, things are just going to get worse.

The party, however, has been fabulous so far. Minerva and I played a game of wizard's chess, I got to dance with Daddy, Tonks challenged me to an intense game of Twister (Luna also competed, and Neville called out the challenges- and I so won), and Andi's gearing up for karaoke. It's going to be a blast, especially since Ted is HUGE into Muggle rock music! Hermione is excited, though she says she can't sing, and Ron is trying to egg her on. Someone got Harry a little tipsy, and he seems eager to try his best...I keep dropping hints that he should sing Free Bird. The twins have joined me in this mission and we seem to be doing fairly well in convincing Harry that he should sing. We'll have to see if we're successfull in a few minutes!

Oh, and another fabulous thing- Daddy brought my kitten here! Mr Shorty is still pretty short, but he's having so much fun with all the people and I am so happy to have him back! I think I am going to take him to school with me- he's old enough and he's absolutely adorable.

It's nice to be able to forget about all the crap that is going on in the world and to just be with friends and family.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**4\. January-**

 

Bobbie:

I think I've finally recovered from the party.

Harry can't sing worth a lick. Hermione, on the other hand, isn't terrible. She and Luna sang some crazy 70s pop music. Harry did try Free Bird. It was hilarious. Fred and George insisted on being his backup singers. We had a blast, and I think Andi took pictures.

I got a note from Draco this morning. Arthur brought it over. He said he found it in his mailbox at work just before he left last night.

_L'elly-_

_Saw Dad today- he didn't look good. He's tired, he's not eating much, and he's grimy. I wish he could come home. I know I shouldn't be complaining- with the mistake he made, he's lucky that he's alive and that the only thing the Dark Lord did was to leave him to the Ministry._

_How was your party? New Years, for me, was spent in the presence of Aunt Bella and the Death Eaters that she decided were worthy to enter the house. It was decadent, but I think I would have rather been anywhere else than there during most of the party. Of course, I acted well, but I just don't think the part fits. Unfortunately, it's where I've been cast and there's really not much I can do to change that. I have a rather beastly director._

_Have you thought any about if we should do nicknames? I'll find you when classes start again and maybe we can think of something._

_Oh- I finished "Hamlet". It's beautiful. I'd love to talk to you about the play when we get back. I've been keeping a notebook of what I thought about the play as we read it- predictions as to what was going to happen to each character, and so forth. I was so surprised that everyone died in the end. I was sure that something would go Hamlet's way and his father's death would be vindicated without so much sacrifice on Hamlet's part. We'll have to talk when we get back to Hogwarts._

_Your friend, Draco._

I would like to feel sorry for Lucius, but I'm not sure that I can, right now. Maybe if HE wasn't around, things would be different, but He's around and they're not, so I can't see how I can be sympathetic. I do, however, feel sorry for what his family has to go through. I suppose, though, that they did make their own beds when they decided to return to His service and all after the whole no-body thing. Couldn't they have just disappeared? Would he have bothered to look for them anyway? I don't know. Maybe.

I have thought about the nicknames, and it could be fun. We'll have to see what we think up when we get back to school.

There are so many things that I can say about "Hamlet". Draco is, in a way, a tragic figure. He is in the position Hamlet is in after his fate is sealed and decided. Yes, there are places that he can turn back from, but that means admitting that you were wrong and it means going back on your plans. It means realising that the sacrifices you made to get where you are weren't worth it because where you are is wrong. Draco's got that same decision- at some point, he's going to cross that final thresh-hold and there's going to be no turning back- he will end up fighting his friend to the death, if need be. I just hope that he realises it before he ends up dead.

I could go on and on, but I don't feel like writing much more- it's snowing out and Ted wants to play- I'm game! I think Tonks is also ready to hit the snow, so we'll go out and get in some serious fun while Andi and Remus sit inside and do stuff on their own.

Cheers!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**5\. January-**

 

Bobbie:

Back at Hogwarts. I've settled my things in and gotten Mr Shorty all set up in his little corner with his food and pan and all. So far, he even seems to be getting along with Crookshanks. I hope it stays that way or Mr S is likey to get eaten by that monstrosity of a cat!

I've been waiting to hear from Draco. Nothing yet. I would seek him out, but he's busy being all Slytherin-y with the girlfriend and the dunderheads, so I'm just staying here with Luna and Neville, playing with the kitten. We'll see what happens this afternoon. Right now, this piece of string is the most important thing in the universe, second only to the adorable kitten who is playing with it.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Evening-

 

Bobbie:

Heard from Draco. He managed to slip me a note when he slammed into me in the hall. His friends snickered, he snickered, and they all made snide comments about watching where I was going. When he hit me, he slipped a note into my bag. I really hate his friends, monstrous gits.

_L'elly-_

_Astronomy tower?_

_D._

If I were feeling really vindictive, I'd stand the sot up for what he did in the hall. Unfortunately, I'm too bloody nice.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Night-

 

I should have stood him up. He tried to justify what he did, nearly knocking me to the ground like he did, and then he was miffed when I didn't want him to tell me how he had to do it. I told him to just sod off if that was how he was going to deliver messages. I did the least ladylike thing I could think of in that situation- I stripped off my vest and my button-up shirt (yes, down to a tank-top in the freezing cold) and showed him the huge bruise on my shoulder, then lifted the edge of my shirt and showed him the bruised ribs from where his arm hit me. I guess that got his attention, because he just kind of stopped everything. He slipped off his coat and draped it on my shoulders while continually saying how sorry he was. He picked up my discarded clothing (hadn't bothered with a coat, myself) and then he handed them to me and asked if I could forgive him. I sighed, accepted the clothes, and told him that I could, but the next time he did it, I wasn't going to let him get away without a fight...and he might end up with more than a nice collection of bruises. He asked what I meant, and I told him that I fight dirty- really, really dirty. There was this boy, on the playground at school when I was five, and he spat on me...so I broke his nose and knocked out a few teeth. You can bet that Kim beat me senseless for that one, but it was completely worth doing in the first place.

Well, after that threat, Draco just sort of smiled and said, "Well, I guess I would deserve it, wouldn't I?"

Then he hugged me- a big, all-encompassing bear hug that just makes you want to snuggle down and never leave... So I opened up the coat and had him hug me from inside of it, so we were both nuzzled up close to it's warm. Mmmmmmm...

Yes, it was nice, yes, it was sweet, and yes, it was so totally awesome. I just wanted to stay there.

Then he asked me, "So...thought about nicknames?"

I told him, sure, I had, but I didn't know what to call him. I didn't know if there was a nickname he particularly had always wanted, or what. He then shrugged and said he didn't know. He then asked me what my full name is. I told him- Lewellyn Wilde Lupin-Black. I asked him if he had a middle name, and he told me he didn't. Well, nothing to work with, there. I had no idea what to call him. Help! He asked me if he could call me Wilde. I wasn't sure at first- I told him that had been what Papa had called me. He got quiet for a minute and then told me that he could think of something else, if I wanted. I told him not to. It's time that I let someone else that means a lot to me call me by my middle name.

So now it was my turn to figure out something to call him and I'm stuck. We sat down near the edge of the tower and snuggled while I thought. Really, what do I call my Draco? I don't have anything I call him but his first name, which alone seems to be a rarity.

He tried to prompt me, "What do you call me when you're thinking to yourself?"

Hrm...love, snugglebuddy, pretty, precious, "Mine," I answered. He chuckled. I'm glad I can amuse. I sure as hell wasn't telling him I called him precious.

He asked another question, "Well...nicknames come from shortened names or from things that you think about a person- characteristics."

O.k., so how does that help? I'm not calling him Blondie or something crazy! He has beautiful eyes, striking features, and a gentle voice, when he drops that damn sneer and sarcastic, biting edge. He's very Harvey Dent, you know? No, I'm not going to call him Harvey. Too many people would wonder why I was comparing him to a giant, invisible rabbit.

"So, Wilde, what do you think of me? Let's see if you can come up with an adjective that will work."

Great, this is a trap (or an ego stroking trip) if I've ever walked into one! "Well, you're beautiful, sweet, gentle, strong, confused as hell, and stuck between a rock and a hard place. Not much there I can use for nicknames, unless you want me be addressing your letters to Sweetheart or Stuck."

Again, I got him to laugh. He's got a great sense of humour, too- you can see, sometimes, that he just wants to burst out laughing at some of the things that happen in class, but he can't. He's so conflicted! What the hell do you nickname somebody who is so secretive like that?

He started trying to help, trying to think of things that might help, "Wait a second, let's look at theatre stuff- I mean, there are plenty of plays we've talked about with my theatre book- are there any that particularly stick out?"

Yeah, there's one, but I'm not sure you'd appreciate it...well, here goes, "Phantom." I had my fingers crossed- how would he take that?

Remarkably well, "How so?"

"Because the ghost- his name is Eric, in the book, he's got two completely different sides to him. He really just wants to be like everyone else- he wants to be loved, he wants to walk out in the sun, and he wants to be accepted, but the only thing that people see him for is what's on the surface. The see him as a monster. He's a brilliant engineer, an architect, and an inventor, but the only thing that anyone in the Opera takes him for is a crazy nuisance, at best, and a cold-hearted killer, at worst." Again, fingers crossed.

Draco thought for a moment, "How about that, then? Can I be your O.G.?"

It's unusual, I'll admit, but I asked if that was what he wanted and he smiled and kissed the top of my head, "Yes. I like it. I know it's weird, but it fits. I just hope I don't end up dying alone under a theatre."

I agreed with him that would suck, but there were worse places to spend your dead time. I then reminded him that I wasn't going to let that happen.

I'm in deep. I don't know which way is up. I was sitting on the roof with a Death Eater, nicknaming each other, snuggling, and I know that I'm likely to end up facing that choice some day of sticking with him and letting his fate drag me along, or I may have to fight free or abandoned him. I'm not looking forward to that.

Anyway, after our nicknaming, we just sat there snuggled together until the clock chimed eleven and then he said he had to get back to Slytherin house, as Pansy told him she would come hunting for him if he wasn't back by half past. I gave him back his coat, put back on my layers, and we parted ways.

In too deep...

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**7\. January-**

 

Bobbie:

The sign for Apparition lessons was posted in the common room yesterday. I think I am going to sign up- it may prove handy when push comes to shove. It will also be nice to be able to get places without having to be side-along Apparated by someone else!

Yay, wizard driver's license!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**10\. January-**

 

Bobbie:

Draco ran into me again in the hall today, but this time, he did it much more carefully and he palmed me a letter in the process. Apparently, there's a charm for shrinking notes for a short time, because by the time I got to it this afternoon, it was a much larger note than I remembered.

_Wilde-_

_Pansy's starting to get suspicious. She's driving me mad. She knows that I have something I have to do, and she knows that I like 'alone time', yet she doesn't want me to do either without her there- she is always accusing me of cheating if she doesn't know precisely where I am at what time...so we're going to have to be very very careful this semester. If word were to get to her about us...let's just say that word would also get to places I really can't have it getting._

_That being said, do you want to meet to study for the Defense Against the Dark Arts test that's coming up? Monday in the Astronomy tower? Believe it or not, that place is pretty safe for us...let's just say that I have a trustworthy lookout, and leave it at that._

_Is it bad that I think I am starting to miss you when we don't meet in the tower, when I see you in classes every day?_

_We've made it this far through the year, hopefully we can get through the rest. I'm still getting used to this letter writing thing- it isn't exactly something I've done a lot of in my lifetime, but you make it seem so easy and your letters sound so much like you...I hope mine are at least passable. I'm not that great of a writer._

_Let me know when you want to meet to study. Professor Snape's Dark Arts exams are even worse than his Potions exams were...and I never thought I would ever say that._

_Cheers-_   
_~O.G._

1- Study break Monday? Check!  
2- Letter good? Check!  
3- Pansy a bitch? Check!  
4- Missing you not entirely pathetic? Check!*

*O.k., so maybe it is pathetic, but seeing as I am doing it, too, I really don't want to call myself a complete loser, so I am going to say that no, it is not pathetic!

On that note, I've got a Potions essay due on Monday that I haven't started yet...off to do some studying and library legwork!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**14\. January (two in the morning- what am I thinking?)-**

 

Bobbie:

Oh wait, not thinking- hence the still being awake this damned early. Draco and I studied from ten until just after one, when we both declared ourselves completely exhausted. He shared some very interesting insight on the hexes we were learning about by telling me how they were performed and how he had learned to do them.

I have to admit, knowing that he knows some of these spells is utterly terrifying and brings this whole thing back to reality. He's not just teaching me how to better defend against the whomever and whatever that is out there, he's teaching me how to defend myself against him. It makes me think...and it makes me sad. I shouldn't have to be thinking about the fact that my best friend is telling me how I might have to one day face him...and possibly kill him.

After studying, though, it was snuggle and talk (or not) time. He told me that he wished things could be different because he really thought we might have a chance, but he couldn't risk it. Talk about an emotional roller coaster! I'm up about the fact that this means he, too, sees something in this relationship, but I'm down about the fact that we can't do anything about it. Talk about bummer!

Anyway, we snuggled and nuzzled and brushed noses and it was all sweet and soft and blessedly quiet.

And here I am, now, alone in my bed, in Gryffindor tower, writing in a diary.

Is it sad that I'd rather still be in the freezing tower, curled up with my friend, than sitting here by myself?

Oy.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**15\. January-**

 

Bobbie:

I talked to Luna today after dinner. We were sitting in a nook, by ourselves, just talking, and I asked her if she could keep a secret and, if so, where we could go to talk. We ended up in her dormitory in Ravenclaw. I just...needed to talk to someone who might understand...

So I said to her, "Luna...have you ever had a friend that you know very well, but he put on a mask to show the world that was completely different than the person you know?"

She nodded, "Oh yes. There are a lot of people that way. Most of them aren't very happy."

I agreed, "Right...well I need to tell somebody something and you're one of the only people here that I trust won't freak out and won't tell anyone else."

She sat quietly and just nodded for me to continue.

"I've got this friend...and we're very close. I mean, I don't think he really shows himself to much of the world, because if he did, he'd probably end up in a terrible jam. I wouldn't want that, so this can't get out. The problem is, he has to keep up appearances and have this one kind of girlfriend so his parents will be able to protect him, but I'm falling for him, and I'm not that type. I think he's falling for me, too, but he won't do anything about it because he's too afraid. I just need a girlfriend who can help me out."

Luna nodded again, "I think I know who you're talking about, too. Not many people notice the little things that happen around here, like when you first started wearing that ring. I see thing. Things other people don't quite see. The little moments. It's Draco, isn't it? He's not who he seems on the outside, is he?"

Cat's out of the bag.

I admitted it. God, it felt good. She reassured me that she wouldn't tell anyone, that my secret and his secret was safe with her. God, I hope it is, or else we're probably all dead. She seemed to understand that. For as flighty as she seems, Luna has a striking grasp on psychology and on human behaviour. I guess that comes from so much watching.

Luna knows. She knows where I got the ring and the locket. I showed her the picture in the locket, which she said was wonderfully sweet. She told me that she was sure she didn't have to remind me to be careful, but to make sure that I kept a good watch on things, because I couldn't ever know what was coming if I didn't keep a weather eye on the horizon.

I thanked her profusely. I'm tired as hell. Off to bed.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**18\. January-**

 

Bobbie:

Goyle should be beaten with a very sharp stick. With a nail in the end.

I wasn't doing anything today at all. I was just too close to Slytherin house or something, I guess. Anyway, the son of a bitch jumped me and pummelled me. I barely got any good strikes in because he came at me from behind.

My eye is swollen from where I hit the floor, my hips hurt because he was sitting on them while he beat my back and sides, and I have bruises all over the damned place. Moving hurts.

I'm writing to Daddy tonight and then I'm sleeping all day tomorrow. Screw this shit.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**19\. January-**

 

Bobbie:

Luna found me after dinner. She's trying to convince me to see Poppy. Right now, all I want to do is sleep and not move.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**20\. January-**

 

Bobbie:

McGonagall sent me to see Poppy this morning when she saw me wincing at the breakfast table. I was out of classes for the day and she fixed me up at least enough so I can get back to moving around again. Despite all the potions and cures in this world, there isn't much you can do for an old-fashioned bruise.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**21\. January-**

 

Bobbie:

I got a letter from Draco at the start of today- it was wedged in the portrait-hole door.

_Wilde-_

_Goyle was bragging about what he did to you on Saturday. Is it as bad as he made it sound? Did he really jump you from behind and beat you until you stopped resisting? I could barely contain myself while he was gloating- I wanted to strangle him...but I couldn't flinch. I pretended I was too absorbed in my book to notice, but anyone watching should have been able to see my fingers were gripping that book with white-knuckles. I hope no one noticed._

_Are you alright? Did you go see Mme. Pomfrey? Please tell me you'll recover from this- I don't know what to do..._

_I need to see you._   
_~O.G._

I know what to do- I'm going to leak to Ginny what happened...and I'm going to ask her for tips on hexing the shit out of Goyle without being caught. I hear tell she's good at that...but it can't be confirmed because she hasn't been caught yet...

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**22\. January-**

 

Bobbie:

Daddy wrote back.

_Lovely L'elly-_

_I spoke to Albus about what happened and he assured me that Goyle is being taken care of. I'm less concerned about that than I am for you. Was there a reason behind this attack? Were you the target, or was I? Are you in danger there?_

_I hope that you are recovering well. I hope you have friends to help you deal with this situation. I am going to keep in touch with Albus to make sure you are alright. I trust that you can take care of yourself, but there are other people out there who might want to make that terribly difficult for you. I just don't want anything terrible to happen to you._

_Be careful and vigilant._   
_Dad._

Don't worry, Daddy, I will be.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**23\. January-**

 

Bobbie:

Goyle's ugly mug isn't going to ever quite be the same, the git. Ginny's got some powerful stuff up her sleeve. Not only did she teach me a few hexes, but after I hit him with them (and he subsequently got them taken care of), Ginny stalked him in the hall and nailed him with a few more particularly nasty hexes.

I answered Draco's letter today- I told him I'd meet with him tomorrow, since tonight was the full moon and I wasn't sharing that with him. I told him I'm hurt (emotionally), pissed, and bruised.

I hope he meets with me- I want to yell at someone.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**24\. January-**

 

Bobbie:

I got a letter from Daddy today.

_L'elly, Lovely!_

_I hope you are feeling better after Goyle's attack. I got another letter from Albus yesterday about Goyle being inexplicably hexed in the hall yesterday...twice. I take it that you had something to do with at least one of these incidences? Good for you._

_The full moon went fine. I am at Tonks Central, as you called it._

_Keep your chin up, child of mine._   
_Dad._

I'm glad he's doing alright- I worry, sometimes, that he's not telling me things because he doesn't want me to think about so much going on with him when he thinks that my school-work should be my biggest concern. I wish parchment and ink was the only thing I had to worry about! Instead, I worry about Daddy, I worry about the Order, I worry about the coming storm, and I worry about Draco. School-work seems so insignificant when I think about all the things that are happening in my family. Really, when homework is about something ancient and dead, how can it seem relevant, when the living are in so much peril?

I wish I was back with Andi and Ted and Daddy and Tonks...things seem so much simpler at their home, even though I know they really aren't.

Ah, sigh.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Night-

 

Bobbie:

I met with Draco, right? Well, this wasn't exactly a friendly meeting. He kept saying that he was sorry that he couldn't do anything to stop things like Goyle pummelling me, and I just couldn't deal with this crap. I yelled. I told him that he made this decision. I told him that if he wasn't going to find a way, he wasn't going to be talking to me, because I wasn't going to be the punching bag for his friends. I was pretty harsh. I don't want to see it on paper, because I know that some of what I said was vicious and mean and said out of anger. I'll fix it later. Right now, I need to be mad. I'm going to go sleep. Tomorrow, I'll find a place to hole up and read all day or something.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**25\. January-**

 

Bobbie:

Hid in the storage closet in Gryffindor today. Luna found me. She asked what was going on and I told her that even I wasn' sure. She sat down with me and we talked things over. I feel much more calm and a lot better now. I will have to patch things over with Draco, at some point, but this isn't all my fault and I'm not just going to let him get away with not feeling guilty about my injuries. Not saying anything does not equal disapproval.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**27\. January-**

 

Bobbie:

I suppose this is the day I am supposed to start fixing things with Draco. I found a note taped to the underside of my desk in Defence Against the Dark Arts.

_Wilde-_

_Please, can we talk? I feel terrible about this whole thing. I need to talk to you in person. Can you ever forgive me enough to do that?_

_O.G._

I'll let it sit for a day...I'll write back to him tomorrow. I'll set the time and place. He can just wait on me.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**28\. January-**

 

Bobbie:

Date set for Operation Guilt the Heck out of Draco:

Sunday, 2. February, evening after dinner, Astronomy tower.

This should be interesting.

~L'elly.

 


	6. 1997:  February

**1\. February-**

Bobbie:

I had my first Apparition lesson today. I can't take the test with the others, but I can go through the lessons and take the test later. You have to be seventeen in order to take the test. I won't be in time to take it here. I'm terribly disappointed, but, at the same time, if I take the lessons now, I can schedule to take the test (at an extra fee, of course) in November. Bah. Hang the rules! What if HE comes back? Shouldn't I be able to get out of dodge as soon as possible, including by Apparating? Apparently that's not the way the Ministry sees it, bloody blighters. Ah, well, rules are rules, right? I can't just go around doing what I want to until I'm 'of age'. Just you wait, world...

I didn't manage to go anywhere quite yet, but I'll get there- it takes a lot of concentration, according to our instructor, and I'm pretty terrible at concentrating this week. Maybe next week.

Wish me luck!

~L'elly.

* * *

**2\. February-**

Bobbie:

Draco is meeting me this evening. I'm only sort of looking forward to it. I mean, his 'friend', or whatever Goyle is to him, beat me up! Does he think I'm just going to be all, "Well, no harm done!"? Honestly, I'm still rather irritated that he's so silent in all this. I mean, I kind of understand that he has to be careful to not jeopardise whatever it is that his task is, but at the same time, does he have to be such a git while doing it?

I miss him, too, so that doesn't make any of this easier. I just wish that I could make all this crap with Him go away so we could just see where this all goes.

Bah.

~L'elly.

* * *

**3\. February-**

Bobbie:

Why do we always meet on Sunday nights when we have early classes the next day? You would think that we would get it into our heads that this is NOT a wise idea.

So it's something like 3 in the morning...so what? Really, are classes and sleep that important?

YES.

So...a lot happened tonight. To start off, Draco said he would meet me after dinner, so I was there RIGHT after dinner. I didn't go do homework, I didn't talk to friends, I just went off and headed up to the tower. He kept me waiting for an hour and a half. I was about to leave when he showed up and started in on this long litany of what had happened, including Pansy not wanting to let him go off on his own, and I just about had it. I cut him off and I told him that he was making excuses and I didn't want to hear them.

Draco replied, "They aren't excuses- I really couldn't leave! I don't know how to explain where I am now to Pansy when she is in a good mood! If I were to just up and leave, she'd be furious and I wouldn't know what to say!"

"Well, maybe you could try telling her that you're just visiting a friend, or that you're stargazing, or that you just want to have some time to think things through and get your evil mastermind wrapped around your dastardly plans...I don't know, make something halfway true work!"

He changed the course of the conversation, "That's not what we're up here for, though- we're not here to discuss how I deal with Pansy."

"No, we're here to discuss how you deal with that son of a bitch, Goyle."

Oooh, that didn't go over too well. He nearly turned and left, but I guess he thought better of himself, "Do you realise what could happen if I stood up for you?"

"Yeah, you'd end up tortured, with your head on a pike."

He paused, "You may not be that far off with that one."

"I know."

He asked me if I was healed from it...if I still hurt. I nodded and stripped off my outer layers, down to my bra (and yes, it's still very cold out), and I turned my back to him. I know my bruises back there are still particularly nasty- they're in the 'turning green' phase. I was chilly, but I just stood there until he reacted.

He walked up behind me and gently traced his fingers around the bruises- around my shoulder blades, down my spine, "Lewellyn..."

You know he's feeling bad when he uses my full name.

I slipped my layers back on. It's still cold- I'm not going to freeze my ass off any longer than I have to! Once I was back to rights, Draco gestured for me to come to him and I did (not sure why, I should have made him come to me...ah, hindsight). Well, it wasn't surprising that he ended up holding me after that. He was pretty well shaken, what with the whole my-back-looks-like-a-topographical-map thing. Really, what else should any sensible person do?

I heard the clock strike half-past ten and I wondered if I should get to bed. He asked if I could stay and just talk. I asked him about what. He said it didn't matter...and I did. I know, I shouldn't have- I should have insisted on getting a good night's sleep so I wouldn't fail miserably in Defence Against the Dark Arts tomorrow. I should have told him that I wasn't going to forgive him so easily...I should have stayed pissed. Instead, I sat down with him and we just talked and talked and talked until after two in the wee hours of the morning. What the heck is with that?

I'm still miffed at him, but we're back on speaking terms. I still want to pummel Golye, but I feel like maybe, just maybe, Draco will find a way to stand up for what he believes in, instead of what his parents believe in.

Maybe not.

Maybe I'm just way too optimistic and, like Papa and Daddy, I want to find the good in people when maybe there just isn't any there.

This is all too confusing- stop the world, I want to get off!

~L'elly.

* * *

**4\. February-**

Bobbie:

I've been in such a good mood since Defence Against the Dark Arts! Professor Snape asked me to demonstrate a counter jinx today, and it was one that I actually knew, thanks to my conversations with Draco. He asked me to stand in front of the class and perform, and damn, I did it! I am so excited...giddy, actually, to have done something right! After class, Professor Snape actually spoke to me, too!

He walked up to me and said, "I'm surprised, Miss Lupin-Black, at your performance in class today. Unlike some of your more notorious classmates, it appears that you are actually here to learn."

I think that was a compliment, so I said, "Thank you, Professor."

He just nodded and swished off. Score!

Wheeee! I've been listening to Abba ever since- there's nothing like bouncing down the halls to "Super Trouper" and "Mama Mia" when you're in a great mood!

Nothing's going to bring me down today- not those bloody Slytherin dunderheads, not the fact that I am totally tired, not even the fact that there is this gathering storm and He is gathering followers. None of it matters right now because I DID SOMETHING WELL IN PROFESSOR SNAPE'S CLASS!

Yay!

~L'elly.

* * *

**6\. February-**

Bobbie:

I'm still kind of riding the high from two days ago, even though I sat down with Luna and we talked serious stuff today. She's been getting the vibe that everything is going to go terribly wrong at the end of this school year and she knows that I'm in the same boat. I've been hoping it was just me thinking this and I could just blow it off, but apparently not. In a way, I'm glad to know it's not just me, because that means I have someone to talk to about it. Luna's a good person to keep secrets.

In other news, more Apparition lessons up and coming. I am hoping to make progress this go around. I know it takes a lot of time for some people to Apparate anywhere. I'll get it, I know I will!

Oh- I got a letter from Andi today, too!

_Dearest L'elly-_

_I have enclosed some of the photographs that we took during our New Year's party. I thought you might like to have them with you, especially the ones from Free Bird. We all had such a fabulous time! Ted and I are looking forward to seeing you again and we both invite you to come and visit us over your Easter holiday._

_Have fun at Hogwarts and don't let your studies get you down. You are a very smart young lady and you can do whatever it is that you set your mind to._

_Peace, child._   
_Andi._

She's such a sweetie! The photos she sent are absolutely wonderful- especially the one of Harry, Fred, and George singing "Free Bird". I love it!

Well, off to a good laugh, then some studying. I'll write again after my next Apparition lesson to write about how it goes.

Cheers!

~L'elly.

* * *

**8\. February-**

Bobbie:

I Apparated into the circle today! Progress!

Next time, maybe I can move a little farther across the room!

~L'elly.

* * *

**11\. February-**

Bobbie:

Other than listening to 80s pop music for most of the past few days, things have been rather uneventful. I got a letter from Daddy today about my Apparition lessons (I wrote to him on Saturday).

_Lovely Lady L'elly!_

_I am so happy to hear that your Apparition lessons are going so well. You may not be able to get your license quite yet, but keep at it and you will be able to appear wherever you need to in no time! I'll set up your Apparition test for the day after your birthday, just like you asked. No matter what happens, that time slot will be yours!_

_I am so proud of you, Lewellyn Wilde. You have flourished as you have grown and I know that Sirius would be so happy to see you growing into the lovely young woman that we always thought you would be. You're such a wonderful daughter. I love you._

_Dad._

I'm tearing up, just reading it again. I love you, too, Daddy. I miss you.

Mr Shorty is kneading my leg with his little needle toes. He's happy. It's nice to have a happy kitty to snuggle with when you're missing your human family.

~L'elly.

* * *

**13\. February-**

Bobbie:

Oh my god, it's THURSDAY THE THIRTEENTH! HIDE THE CHILDREN!

Te he he!

~L'elly.

* * *

**14\. February-**

Bobbie:

I hate St Valentines Day. There are always students trying to slip love potions in drinks and there are WAY too many people wearing pink.

I think this must be what hell is like, if it exists...a sea of pink and girls with faun eyes following around oblivious boys, sighing and twittering, hoping to get lucky. It's sickening, really.

If I were allowed to wear something that wasn't this uniform, I'd be wearing one of my gothy black dresses and a long black veil, just to bring some sort of balance to this whole disgusting mess. I'm surprised the world doesn't explode from an excess of pink and candy hearts.

Ugh.

~L'elly.

* * *

**15\. February-**

Bobbie:

Not much to report. Apparition is going well. Will write more if anything interesting happens.

~L'elly.

* * *

**18\. February-**

Bobbie:

I haven't seen Draco in a while. I'm worried. He's been looking haggard in classes- like something isn't quite right...like he's always carrying something far too heavy to bear alone. I hope he's alright.

On another note completely, the full moon is going to be on the same day as our fourth Apparition lesson. I hope I don't go and lose an arm or something on accident. I don't want to end up going all to pieces in front of everyone!

Still trying to find a bright side...

~L'elly.

* * *

**22\. February-**

Bobbie:

Did fine in Apparition- no loss of limbs for this gal! I've been doing a bit better, I think. I'm still worried, of course, about everyone and everything, but I think, thanks to Luna's confidence, I'm doing better at dealing with the possibilty of the unknown popping up and changing the world I know. If He decides to drop in tomorrow, I may not be entirely ready for Him, but I'm not going to let that possibility spoil my today.

Looking brighter!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**23\. February-**

 

Bobbie:

Got a letter from Daddy today.

_L'elly of mine!_

_The full moon went well last night. Tonks decided she was going to stick around to see what happened to me on a full mooon night. I suppose she couldn't have been too traumatised; she cooked a HUGE breakfast for me the next morning (with a lot of help from Andi, but still, she did a wonderful job)._

_For your Easter holiday, I've been thinking about what we should do- I don't know if I'll be able to meet you right off, due to the Order, but I do want to see you as soon as I can. I can have Molly pick you up- how does that sound? You can start your break off at the Burrow your first week and then come to Tonks House for the second week. Let me know if that sounds good to you and I'll set things up from there._

_Anyway, you should probably stop reading this and go and get back to your studies. I am sure there is something you should be working on right now!_

_Dad._

Yes, Daddy, I'll get right back to studying...as soon as I write you and tell you that your idea for the holiday sounds lovely!

Ta!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**24\. February-**

 

Bobbie:

Well, the Rowes wrote me again. I am not defiling these pages by pasting in their wretched letter. The things they say about other people are utterly disgusting. I'm going to go and talk to McGonagall after classes tomorrow and see if she can't give me any advice, other than to keep disposing of their letters in creative and theraputic ways.

Wish me luck.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**25\. February-**

 

Bobbie:

McGonagall was in a meeting with Headmaster Dumbledore when I got to her office, but she invited me in and all three of us talked about the situation. Dumbledore assured me that if I didn't want them in the school, they wouldn't be allowed here. They both were very reassuring and both of them are very supportive of Daddy as well. Neither of them are going to let the Rowes take me away from him.

If I can make it to November, it won't matter what they do, anyway, because I'll be of age.

Stuff that in your pipe and smoke it, Kim and Don (+MonsterChildBen).

~L'elly.

 


	7. 1997:  March

**1\. March-**

Bobbie:

This has been a HUGELY eventful day! Firstly, we had our fifth Apparation lesson and I managed to travel all the way across the Great Hall. I'm feeling great about this!

Secondly, Ron nearly DIED and it's his birthday! I have no idea how it happened, but the rumours are flying that one of the Slytherins left something poisoned with Slughorn and, when Harry went to get an antidote for some love potion that Ron accidentally took, he drank the poison and he nearly died! He was only saved because Harry remembered that a bezoar can counter most poisons. Ron sure is lucky that Harry paid attention in Potions!

Because of all this, our Hogsmeade trip was cancelled- so that was a complete downer. I suppose, though, when one of the students nearly dies, keeping everyone else contained is a good idea, especially what with what happened to poor Katie at the start of the year.

Is Hogwarts really not safe anymore?

The Weasleys are visiting Ron in the hospital wing right now. I'll try to catch Molly on her way out. I really need to hear that things are going to be alright, even if no one really knows for sure.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**4\. March-**

 

Bobbie:

I talked to McGonagall today about setting up lessons with her to become an Animagus. I've talked to her before and she knows I've been reading a lot about it. She warned me about how dangerous and how difficult it is to become one and how I would have to dedicate a lot of time to this. I am up for it. I told her so. I think that it helps that she knows how much it helped Daddy when Papa could be there for him during the full moon, when it was necessary to fight to keep Daddy from being dangerous to others, as well as when it was just so he'd have someone to keep watch over him when he was under the influence of the wolfsbane potion and vulnerable.

We start lessons on Friday.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**7\. March-**

 

Bobbie:

I had my first Animagus lesson today. We went over quite a lot of book stuff and general information. We also talked about what animal it was that I would be best suited to turning into. Right now, I'm thinking big...and cat. I'm really liking the idea of a panther, or a lion, but we'll see. She says that it isn't entirely up to us, that our magic and our spirits will guide us during the process.

This is going to be a whole lot more difficult than Apparition, or even getting a compliment out of Professor Snape.

Bring it on!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**8\. March-**

 

Bobbie:

Quiddich today ended up with Harry taking a bludger to the head. Maybe I would feel worse about this if I didn't think he was a bit of a stuck up prat sometimes. He acts like some of those old superheroes- like he's the only one who can change the world for the better. I've got news for you, Potter, we all change the world in our own ways. Your way may be more visible, more historical...but what I do may stick with an individual for the rest of their lives.

Here's to being revolutionary just by being kind.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**10\. March-**

 

Bobbie:

Gryffindor house was like a miniature war zone today and it's as cold as hell there right now. Ginny and Dean are in a spat and Ron, who got out of the hospital today with Harry, was fighting with Lavender. I really feel sorry for that girl. Everyone knows that Hermione and Ron should be dating and Lavender is just stuck in the middle. We all also know that, nice as Dean is, he's not going to end up with Ginny. Harry and she are much more suited to one another and we just all know that they're going to get kissy one of these days.

I hope it's soon, because this is getting old.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**12\. March-**

 

Bobbie:

Despite all that's happened in the past few months, I'm still missing Draco a huge lot. I know there's a sweet, caring young man under that posing. I know that he's terribly conflicted and in a very difficult position...and I wish I could just tell him to run away from it all and we'd find a way to hide him.

I wish.

I think I'll write him a letter...nothing seriously heavy, mind you, but a little bit of hinting that, if he needs a place to stay, we'll find the means.

Things have to level off, someday, don't they?

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**14\. March-**

 

Bobbie:

Second Animagus lesson today. Nothing huge happened, but we did work on some advanced Transfiguration and I did manage to end up with retractable fingernails by the end of it. McGonagall helped me to change them back to my normal nails and then had me repeat the process and reverse it myself. It's so much easier to do once you've been guided through it by someone!

I'm completely excited- this is HUGE progress! I hope I can make it to a full transformation before the end of the school year!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**17\. March-**

 

Bobbie:

Happy St Patrick's Day!

I think I may have learned something about Draco today. I was snooping about with my Extendable Ear and I came across Harry entering Myrtle's bathroom. Since I don't think that Harry is secretly female, it means he's in search of something more than the loo. I followed, got out my Ear, and did a little listening. I found out that Draco has been very upset and has been talking to Myrtle about his task and the problems he is having with it's execution. Apparently, whatever it is, he doesn't think he can do it and he's terribly afraid. I had to put away the Ear and dodge before I could hear the end of the conversation.

Now I'm even more worried.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**18\. March-**

 

Bobbie:

I was walking to the library after classes today when Draco paced me and tried to talk to me without being obvious that he was talking to me. I could barely make out what he was saying, but I did get that he wanted to talk to me, so I followed him to the empty classroom that we had met in before.

Let's go over the things that were going through L'elly's mind at this point:

1\. God, I miss him, he's so gorgeous.  
2\. I hope this means he'll finally tell me what's going on.  
3\. I'm so worried.  
4\. He's risking talking in public- something's wrong.  
5\. When the hell am I going to get back to the library?

Notice how the school work comes last on that list...

Anyway, when we got to the classroom and he charmed it to private, he sat down on a table and folded up his legs under him, "What do you know?"

I was still standing, "Absolutely nothing more than what you've told me- I mean, I overheard that you were talking to Myrtle and that you were pretty upset when you were talking to her, but that's just from a little creative eavesdropping."

He looked puzzled, "Creative eavesdropping?"

I smiled, "You know...when you use something Fred and George invented to listen in a little more closely..."

"Ah."

I sat down next to him, "So, what's up? I mean, you're obviously not doing so well..."

"What do you mean?"

"Honey, you're looking haggard and tired, you've got dark circles starting to form under your eyes, and you look like you're completely drained. I know that people are writing this off as just being the end of year stress, but I know something's got to be up, you know? I'm not completely stupid."

He kind of smiled, "Yeah...things are a little rough right now. I hope I'll feel better after the holiday. I'll have two weeks to get things straightened out, you know?"

"No, I don't know. You haven't told me much of anything, Draco."

That, I think, hit a little close to home- he looked guilty as sin...you know, like I'd struck a chord.

"Wilde, you know I can't tell you what I'm doing...I just have to do it. I really wish I could tell you everything. Please believe me."

I wanted to ask him what he had done recently that would convince me that I should believe him, but then I realised I was fiddling with the ring he had given me. I looked down at it. I don't know what's going on in his world outside of Hogwarts. I don't know how what is happening with the Order is influencing what happens with the Death Eaters and how that all plays against him. I just don't know a lot of things. What I do know is that he is my friend and I can't just let him fall. This is not the way this is supposed to happen.

I sat down next to him and he put his arms around me. We just sat there together for a few minutes, me resting my head on his shoulder, his cheek resting on my hair. It was one of those moments where, for just a little while, things are perfect. I was sitting next to my best friend...warm, safe, and content. I wish we could stay that way. There are a lot of things I wish.

"I believe you. Just promise me something?"

"What?"

"Make sure to take care of yourself- when this is all over, I want there to be something left of you for me to snuggle up to."

He kissed the top of my head and told me he would do his best. We sat for a while and then we parted ways a little bit later. He had places to be and things to do and I had to get to the library. That doesn't mean I wouldn't have stayed there if I could- I was all ready to just drift off with him.

There are so many things about him I am going to miss if something terrible happens at the end of this school year.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**21\. March-**

 

Bobbie:

It's getting near the end of the month. I had my third Animagus lesson today. I did my best, but this was just a completely off day. I didn't get much transformed, though I did end up with a tail. I have to say, that was an interesting experience!

Break starts in less than a week- guess what I'm thinking about- not being in class! I really do miss the family.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**26\. March-**

 

Bobbie:

I didn't hear from Daddy after the full moon on the 23rd. I'm trying not to worry, but that isn't working too well. I am on the train to London right now. I'll ask Molly about Daddy when I see her at King's Cross.

Yay for a week at the Burrow!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Evening-

 

Bobbie:

Ah, back to the familiar insanity of staying at the Burrow over break. I'm sharing Ginny's room again. I don't mind it, it's nice to spend time with her. I am hoping this is an uneventful break so I can get caught up in all my homework!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**31\. March-**

 

Bobbie:

Last day of March. I'll be heading out with Andi and Ted on the second. Molly told me that Daddy wasn't going to be able to meet me at the Burrow during break because he was working undercover in a very dangerous place and needed to not leave there until the task Dumbledore had given him was finished. Oof. That's what I get for having revolutionary family. Tonks isn't even around. The Order is all busily planning and doing and I feel like a schmuck because I just go to class. I don't like that, I want to be in the midst of something.

On the up side, I have a lot of my homework done for the next week of classes and I'm going to try this evening to get a jump on the stuff for later so I can have some free time during classes.

Off to the kitchens, though- Molly insisted that I help her bake cookies this afternoon.

Ta!

~L'elly.

 


	8. 1997:  April

**2\. April-**

Bobbie:

Ted and Andi came to the Burrow today and had tea with Molly and I before I said my goodbyes, gathered up my things, and headed out with them. We stopped in a little town for supper and then made our way back to Tonks Central. It's so much more quiet here than it is at the Burrow! I am so happy to have space and time to think!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**3\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

I got an interesting letter today. Pasted below:

_Wilde-_

_It's been just Mum and I for most of this break. She's sending me to London for no reason other than to have time to myself (and, I suspect, so she can have time alone with Aunt Bella). Could we meet? I'll be there until the end of break. Could you maybe meet me on Sunday? The owl knows where to find me if you wish to reply._

_O.G._

Of course I want to go to London! I talked to Andi and Ted. I told them what was going on- they both know that I am friends with Draco, even though they don't quite understand why I am close to someone who didn't want them in their family. I tried to explain to them that he's not like his parents, that he just does things to stay on their good side because of Him, but I'm not sure how much of it got through.

Andi and Ted, do, however, like the idea of being in London for a day trip. They're arranging to be there on Sunday, so I will write Draco back tonight and let him know when and where to meet us. Andi wanted our meeting to be very public, just in case someone decided to make trouble (from either side). I think the Tate Gallery is a great place to meet. Andi agrees, though she's not sure it's public enough. Ted's alright with my idea. He likes the art museums, apparently. Andi let me pick where to meet Draco in the museum. I've asked that we meet on the bench in front of the Lady of Shalott. I spent a lot of time sitting on that bench, watching that painting while Ellen Terry, to my right, watched me intently as she held high King Duncan's crown. These paintings are marvellous. They are huge, too! You would never imagine that someone could paint something so elaborate and so detailed on such a huge canvas- I mean, wouldn't you get lost and forget where you were in the painting? I have no idea- this isn't something I have any idea how to do. I'm not a painter by any stretch of the term.

It's a date, then- Sunday, just before tea, by the Lady of Shalott. Maybe we can take tea, after.

Whatever, I'm just happy to be seeing Draco. I hope he gets along with Andi and Ted.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**6\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

In London. We've arrived a bit early to the Tate, so we wandered the Blake gallery for a while. Now we're just sitting here, staring at the Lady. She's gorgeous.

I'll write later, once this meeting has actually taken place!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

After supper-

 

Bobbie:

Today was lovely.

I wish upon a fish that it could be longer. I'm back home with Andi and Ted now. We had a grand day in London.

So, let's start at the beginning (a very good place to start). Draco met us promptly when I had asked to meet him in the gallery. He shook hands with Ted and offered the same to Andi, who just hugged him instead. He then hugged me. He asked if we wanted to wander the gallery for a while, and we did- he liked the Dadd painting, 'The Fairy Feller's Master Stroke'. I like that one, too. Draco knows so much of the history of it beyond what is on the caption in the museum. He told us all about the different characters Dadd had given the fay in his painting and how they related to different pieces of literature. I think he was trying to impress Andi and Ted a little, too, but I don't mind. It was a fascinating art history lesson! After we were done in the gallery, Draco insisted on taking us all to tea. He asked us to come to The Orangery at Kensington Palace and treated us to tea. I don't want to know how much it must have cost him, but he insisted, as he said it was his treat since he had asked us to meet him. I think Andi was impressed with his sense of decorum, though it is a bit old-fashioned. I was just glad to get to take such excellent tea! We wandered the gardens and the four of us just talked for some time- it was very relaxed and just a lovely day. When he had to leave, he shook Ted's hand again, hugged Andi, and then hugged me and kissed my cheek. Oy! I blushed, I know I did! He headed one direction and we went another.

Andi, of course, wants to know all about what it is that he kissed my cheek for- but I'm not so sure I want to tell her just yet. I mean, he is the son of her sister, yes, but he's also a Death Eater, and just how well would this all go over, especially since Andi's kind of my grandmother and that makes Draco and I's relationship all very weird?

I think this all just stays with me for a while- she can sit and guess like the rest of them!

The holiday ends this Wednesday, and Andi and Ted are going to take me to the station on Wednesday so I can head back to classes. Ugh. I so do NOT want to go back to school yet.

Well, can't stop the inevitable, right?

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**9\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

Back at Hogwarts. There were all sorts of reunions and happy students cheering in the halls as they returned to their favourite classes. All I want to do is hide under a rock and get this year over with! I know, this is my first year here, right? I should be in the same boat as all those cheering youngsters, but I'm not. I really don't know how to handle all the things that are happening at once:

Kim and Don (+MonsterChildBen)  
Draco drama Exams Missing (and worrying about) Daddy

Couldn't we just have one thing to be worrying about at once, please?

Anyway, we're all getting settled in and Luna wants to meet to brush up on classes this evening. I think Ginny, Neville, Collin, and Dean are all coming along, too.

Speaking of Ginny and Dean, Ron is still very grumpy about the subject. The whole Ginny dating bit is very upsetting for him. Though I suppose I can understand why, he still needs to just let her grow up.

See, there I go, worrying about something else. I need a hobby.

Cheers.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**10\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

Back to the daily grind. I am not looking forward to Professor Snape's class. I heard from one of the other students that he likes to give large tests on the first day back from break. We'll just have to see.

I miss Daddy.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**11\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

Fourth Animagus lesson today and WOW! I managed to turn my hair tiger stripes! I know I was thinking that a large cat would be good, but this is just totally awesome! I'm going to turn all Bengal and stripey! Of course, I decided to leave my hair all wicked colourful after the lesson- why turn it back when it just looks so bad-ass?

I am going to go now and write a letter to Andi and Ted about this- maybe they know how to get in contact with Daddy and Tonks and can pass along the amazing news!

So excited!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**13\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

So remember that high from a few days ago, thanks to the phenomenal turning colours of the hair? I came down from it today. I was up in the Astronomy tower, actually doing homework this time, when Draco showed up. He said he figured that I would be up there, not because of homework (though really, I do need to get my arse in gear for that class!), but because I tend to end up there to think on Sunday evenings.

As usual, Draco didn't look that well- he still looks somewhat ill all the time. He let me finish my assignment and then proceeded to commence the small-talk- you know, the how are classes going kind of thing. He kept looking around, nervous. I know he's paranoid about being found out, but really, what is going on? This is a whole new level of paranoia.

I got sick of it, "Ok, you're acting like something is going to jump out and eat you at any given moment. What's going on?"

"Somebody saw us in London."

Ah, shit, "Are you alright?"

"Not really, but if I can finish what He's set out for me to do, I should be able to make up for it."

"Was it worth it?"

He looked at me as though I were crazy, "Of course it was." Phew! I was worried he was going to say that it wasn't and then I would feel terrible. I snuggled up to him and we just sat for a few minutes, waiting for nothing. I love our silent times. We don't talk, we just sit close together, cuddled close, and it's amazingly relaxing and it just feels safe.

I hate the fact that I know it has to end.

I almost fell asleep, and that's when we decided to hug and part ways. I'm back in the dormitory, finishing up the last of this upcoming week's assignments- I think I'm finally ahead of the game!

Whoo hoo!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**15\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

Letter from Daddy! Hooray! I miss him terribly. Seriously, I wish I could see him right NOW. I started crying while reading the letter and it's not even something I should be emotional about!

_Lovely L'elly!_

_I am so sorry that I did not get to see you over your spring holiday. I wish that I could have, but the task I am set to is terribly dangerous. Thankfully, I think I may be able to start writing again, once in a while._

_I got your message through Andi- I am so proud of you! If you do not have your orange-and-black hair when I see you next, you will have to show me what you can do, especially if you are able to transform completely! It sounds like you are making fantastic progress. Minerva is a wonderful teacher and I am so happy to hear that you like what you are learning from her and that you and she are having some one-on-one time, even if just in your extra lessons. If things go awry, you are going to need a strong guide at Hogwarts and she is more than capable of helping you and your friends out along the way. Remember, she is a member of the Order, too. She's a strong ally._

_I am so proud of you and so happy for you. Keep up your good work. I will do my best to write as often as I can spare. I miss you, my little Wilde Flower._

_Dad._

Well, at least he's open and honest about the fact that things are not going as they should. That's one of the things about Daddy that I adore- he and Papa didn't try to pretend that bad things weren't happening. They may not tell me to the full extent, depending on how much they thought I needed to know to be safe, but they always made sure that I wasn't completely in the dark.

I miss them both. At least I know I can, at some point, still go home to Daddy.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**18\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

Fifth Animagus lesson today. I turned myself halfway into a tiger! My skin was striped, I had some funky fur patches, a tail, whiskers...but still pretty human. I also got this bad-ass growl going. Couldn't quite roar, though. McGonagall was laughing as I tried. So was I, after the outcome...man, I sounded funky! I had to have her help with returning to human- I got the fur gone, and I managed to snake back the tail, but the striped skin...well, that one wasn't so easy. I'm getting there! One of these days, there's going to be a full-blown tiger wandering around Hogwarts!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**21\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

The older students had their Apparation tests today. Most people passed, from what I heard. There is a huge hubbub about that in the halls, and also about the breakups. Ron and Lavender split, and so did Ginny and Dean. Oof.

And tomorrow is the full moon.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**23\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

Got another letter from Daddy today.

_L'elly, Love!_

_The full moon went fine and I am safe, for the present._

_I have a bit of advice about your Animagus lessons. Talk to Minerva about registering. Since the sentence is Azkaban for a year if you do not register and are found-out, you may want to, but if she is willing to keep your secret, you may want to not, in case the Ministry ever falls and Voldemort takes over the registry and all. I know the details of it are public, but I would not want you to be in danger from it, nor would I want you to not have it on your side if you need a secret escape._

_Just be careful. This is advanced and dangerous magic you are using. I know Sirius talked to you about it a few times, I know you are well-read on the subject, and I know you are careful and wise and skilled. That doesn't keep me from worrying- I know you understand this._

_I'll write when I can._

_Dad._

I am always careful...paranoid careful. Don't worry, Daddy- I'm working with a pro!

(I also, apparently, have a knack for it!)

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**25\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

I made a full transformation today! It was so cool! I got to prowl in the classroom a little bit before I had to be turned back (don't have that down quite yet...guess that's the next thing we're working on!).

So EXCITED!

~L'elly.

 


	9. 1997:  May

**2\. May-**

Bobbie:

Seventh Animagus lesson- turned all the way into a tiger (GRRR!) and half the way back. I got stuck with paws, orange, and whiskers. I'm getting there, though!

Wish me luck- Harry's decided to make sure I can do a Patronus charm this evening. I have no idea why, but I suppose he decided that it makes him feel important to be watching over his godfather's daughter while here.

Doesn't he think Papa taught me anything? Granted, I never produced a full-bodied Patronus, but I did get close!

Bah.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Evening-

 

Bobbie:

I so TOTALLY Patronus-ed! Guess what? It's a tiger, too! I could totally maul Him! ROAR!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**4\. May-**

 

Bobbie:

I asked Draco to meet me today. He said he couldn't- something about his duty to the Dark Lord. Gr. I want to find Him and beat Him about the head and shoulders with a sharpened, pointy stick...with a nail in the end...a rusty nail.

I wonder if anyone has just tried shooting the bastard?

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**5\. May-**

 

Bobbie:

Well, I wrote Daddy last night with my question about guns+Him and Daddy wrote back already.

_L'elly!_

_I can't write long, but yes, we did try that, and no, it didn't work out too well. Let's just say that a few good wizards didn't have shielding charms up in time and he just rebounded what came at him straight back._

_Good job on your Animagus work- keep plugging along. Have you talked to Minerva yet?_

_Dad._

Ok, so heavy artillery is probably also a no...

And yes, I talked to Professor McGonagall. We've got a plan.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**6\. May-**

 

Bobbie:

I completely hate Harry right now, the git.

I was out wandering, like I tend to do after classes, just because it is good sometimes to wander. I don't usually get in trouble for it, because I suppose I am the least of the troublemakers here. I just like to let legs go where legs will. I ended up near the hospital wing. I had no idea why, until a few moments later, Professor Snape came by, half-carrying Draco. I gasped- Draco was covered in blood and barely concious. I felt like panicking, but didn't. Instead, I rushed ahead of them and flung open the door to the hospital wing.

"You've got a patient coming!" I yelled into the ward. I then waited by the door until I saw Professor Snape and Draco and I held open the door for the both of them. By that point, Mme Pomfrey was headed for the door and was exceptionally concerned to see the state of Draco. Professor Snape told her to get the dittany. I closed the door and kept back. Professor Snape held up a hand and gestured for me to come forward.

Holy crap, has the world ended?

Anyway, I did as he indicated. For the moment, he's being cordial to me, and I'm not going to not take advantage of this. I watched as Mme Pomfrey opened Draco's clothing and carefully wiped off blood before applying her poultice. I watched, silent. I bit my lip. I wanted to cry. He already looked terrible, from whatever stress he's been under, but he just looked so fragile laying there, half awake, and so pale, with scars running all across his chest.

Mme Pomfrey looked at us both, "I'll take care of this- he should be fine." She looked specifically to Professor Snape, "I trust that whatever you're not telling me has a good reason behind it."

He just nodded, then turned to walk away. He paused, "Miss Lupin-Black. Come here."

I did as he asked. In a low voice, he continued, "Is there something you would like to say?" I know my face probably wasn't that hard to read.

I sighed and wiped my slightly tearing eyes, "Look...I know there's something he has to do...and I know you know what it is...and I know it's probably going to turn out badly for some of us...but he's still my friend. I know you probably don't like that and all, but I'm worried about him. What happened?"

"Firstly, and this is not to leave this room, I have no problem with your friendship with Draco. I rather wish that things were not so complicated for you both, as I think you do him good. Secondly, Mr Potter and Mr Malfoy were fighting. Potter cast a spell he recently learned by words only- he did not know what it was going to do when he cast it. Had I not been nearby, the fool would have killed Draco."

"Oh...Harry's such an idiot sometimes."

"While I will not argue that point with you, I do need to go deal with this situation." I must have looked pale, "You, on the other hand, should sit down- perhaps you can keep him company. I am sure Madame Pomfrey will permit it."

I thanked him and he swished out of the room- how fair is it that every entrance and exit he makes from a place is completely and totally dramatic and...goes swish? I may not really like him that much, but he's got a certain flair that I completely envy.

I walked back over to near Draco and sat down. It's where I am now. Mme Pomfrey hasn't complained about me being here, but she's walking this way now, so we'll see.

Wish me luck.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

One hour later-

 

Bobbie:

I'm still in the hospital wing. Draco woke up about fifteen minutes ago and wanted to know how he got here. I told him what little I knew and then he just dozed off again. I suppose, with all the stress and fear from whatever caused so much blood loss, he must be exhausted. Right now, this quiet hospital wing is our sanctuary.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Ten at night-

 

Bobbie:

I ate dinner in the hospital wing with Draco when he finally woke up. Mme Pomfrey had taken his soiled clothing and washed it, so he was in his unders and a white t-shirt she happened to have around while under the blankets. I asked him what happened. He told me he didn't remember much- that he had been upset in Myrtle's bathroom and that Harry had come in. They had hexed back and forth. Draco said he tried to Crucio Harry to just end the fight- he didn't think that he could have whatever Harry overheard out and about because it could ruin whatever it was he has to do. Harry interrupted the spell with whatever it was that slashed him- he said he thought it was Sectum-Sempra. I don't know. I've never heard of that spell before. Draco said that he remembers immense burning pain and a lot of blood. I told him that he had been drenched in it when Professor Snape brought him in here. We talked for a little while before Mme Pomfrey came back with his clothing and set it, folded, on the bedside table. He thanked her. She looked surprised.

"You are free to go when you feel rested enough to return to your common room. If you can walk together at least part of the way, I would recommend it, just to make sure your legs are willing to carry you."

We finished dinner and I pulled the curtain around his bed and went to look out a window while Draco changed into his clothes. After, we walked down a few corridors, holding hands, before we parted ways. He gave my hand a squeeze and walked off towards the Slytherin common room. I just kind of stood there for a while. I didn't really want to go back to Gryffindor tower. I mean, who there would understand? Who would even give a rat's ass? Nobody.

I ended up wandering around in the dungeons for a while- the cool and damp feels nice sometimes when you feel all hot headed and want to rip Harry's limbs off.

Now, I'm actually getting to bed early. I feel completely deflated...and so far have managed to avoid Harry so I don't try to dismember him.

No dismembering, Lewellyn, bad girl. No cookie.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**7\. May-**

 

Bobbie:

I talked to Luna today. You know how she's the only person I've told about Draco? Well, today I told her about what happened yesterday and she's decided that I need a good shoulder rub and some tea while we talk about what could happen and how I can deal with Draco being with the Death Eaters, if that is what happens this summer.

I love that girl.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**10\. May-**

 

Bobbie:

WE BLOODY WON THE QUIDDICH CUP WITHOUT HARRY!

That's right, he was in detention because of his hexing Draco, and we still won! Take that, Saint Potter! Ha! Ginny is one bad-ass seeker and the game was AWESOME! We totally trounced them!

Even though I'm not too fond of all the recent drama in Gryffindor tower about who is dating who, we did have a completely wicked surprise- Harry came in, we were all partying, and then Ginny bounded over for a hug and instead they kissed! We were all silent, then I gave a whistle and the gossip of Gryffindor is all about where they wandered off to after! Of course, we continued our party after they had left.

I, for one, was insanely pleased that we did it without the Boy Wonder.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**13\. May-**

 

Bobbie:

It's been a week since Harry nearly killed Draco and I've been doing a lot of thinking. Talking to Luna was great, but what if Draco doesn't survive this end of the year thing and I lose him for good? What happens if they kill him over the summer and I never see him again? How do I deal with that? It would be just like when Papa just didn't come home... I don't know how to cope with another death where I don't get to say any kind of goodbye or whatnot. Aren't people my age just supposed to lose grandparents that they can hug one last time or something? Draco is my...my...my Draco. I don't know what to call him. I wish I could call him my significant other, but he's with Pansy (bah- crazy bitch) and there's nothing I can do about that.

Really, though, what do I do? How do I deal with this? How do I deal with the fact that he might just not come back, same as with Papa?

It's an utterly terrifying thought.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**17\. May-**

 

Bobbie:

I got a letter today that kind of scares me.

_Wilde-_

_We've got less than a month together. I'm so sorry. I wish it could be different. Please, promise me you'll try to stay safe._

_O.G._

The note came in a black envelope from an owl. He's taking extra care to cover his tracks. I'm going to try to meet him again this week, but I am not quite sure how to get the message to him.

I need to make sure he's alright.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**20\. May-**

 

Bobbie:

Draco was missing from classes today.

This does not bode well for my worrying.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**21\. May-**

 

Bobbie:

Gah! Boys kind of suck, you know? Here I am, worried about Draco, and so I find him today and side along him in the hall and I whisper to him that I was wondering where he was yesterday and I wanted to know if he was alright.

His reply?

"Fine, Lewellyn. Why can't you just mind your own business and keep your nose out of mine?"

That little ass! Here I am, worried about if he's alright, and he blows me off! Fine, be that way! Next time, I won't bother!

ARGH!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**23\. May-**

 

Bobbie:

Daddy wrote a one line today for his post full moon letter. Something really must be up.

_L'elly_

_Am fine. Hope all is well with you. Miss you._

_Dad._

Everything is obviously NOT fine if all you can take the time to write is one line!

~L'elly.

 


	10. 1997:  June

**2\. June-**

Bobbie:

Study party schedule:

2nd, 4th, 6th, 10th, 12th

Exams start on the 16th. I almost hope that whatever Draco is up to, it happens before exams. Hermione has gone all crazed study-monster again. We're meeting for three hours in the evening each day. I think I am going to have to tie her up and leave her in a closet somewhere.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**3\. June-**

 

Bobbie:

I re-read the warning letter Draco sent me back on 17. May. I know we've been at odds since, but his birthday is on the fifth and I really want to see him. I'm going to try to patch things up. I miss him. I can't end the year on a sour note and just keep my fingers crossed that I'll get a chance to fix it next year. The way things are going, I might not. I don't know what all is happening, but Daddy's not writing long letters, Draco is jittery, and even Dumbledore's been missing on and off...and that makes me very very nervous. I mean, he's been known to vanish for no reason before, but he's been doing all this private study with Harry and that can't bode well for the rest of the wizarding world.

I'm drafting a letter right after I sign off here.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**5\. June-**

 

Bobbie:

I got a letter much earlier today from Draco. We're meeting in the Astronomy tower late tonight. He says that we won't get in trouble. What do I care if we get in trouble or not? I don't think I have anything I can give him for his birthday. I wish I did, but I don't. I just want him to know that I'm here for him and I think I may love him, you know? I certainly don't want to leave him feeling alone at the end of this year.

Anyway, I have to finish lunch before we head off to other classes. I'll write more later.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**6\. June-**

 

Bobbie:

It's something like two in the morning and I have classes tomorrow. Lovely. No, really, it is. I had a great night.

So here's what happened. We met at ten and sat together kind of awkwardly for a while and then we both had brought a little of our homework with us, so we studied together for a while. We heard the clock strike half past eleven. That's when I put aside my pen and my books.

"Ok, so you were kind of an ass to me two weeks ago. I kind of wanted to slap you. But I miss you and I've been thinking about what would happen if you died or something over the summer, so I'm not so mad anymore...so I hope you had a happy birthday, and I won't hex the crap out of you."

He paused, still hunched over an assignment, his pen frozen, before he started chuckling, "Wilde...you have no idea how glad I am to hear your voice. Thank you for NOT hexing me today."

I stopped, "We've been talking for all this time."

"Studying, yes...but that doesn't really count. I just love to hear YOU- your strong, bold self." He put away his class work, "This is the best birthday present I could have hoped for."

"What else did you get today?"

"Some insanely expensive watch from my mother...and all kinds of things from my classmates...sweets, trinkets, toys, all that stuff...but nothing I really need."

"Lucky."

"Maybe...but I'd rather give it all back and just be able to spend my time with you."

Awwww...how does a girl follow that up?

"Draco, that's amazingly sweet." I kind of wanted to just kiss him. I didn't though. I should have. I'll be kicking myself for that one for a while. He just looked amazing, even though he's got such dark circles under his eyes and you can see a light scar on his face from where Harry attacked him.

I came over and sat right next to him and put my arms around him and kissed his cheek. He hugged me back and kissed my cheek. I really wanted to just snog him, but I was just too afraid. We nuzzled and cuddled and held one another and kept each other smiling and content. I honestly think I love him. I may want to just slug him sometimes, but he's still my Draco.

He spoke, "I'm so sorry, Wilde, that I was wicked to you in the hallway. I'm being watched...I should have just told you that."

"Probably would have saved me plotting my vengeance."

"Forgive me, Wilde?"

"Honey, I already told you that I'm not mad about it anymore."

He nuzzled down against my neck, "I know, I just don't want to break this."

I know what he means, "Neither do I." Holding him there, him holding me...it's just so perfect. So peaceful. The world falls away and I stop worrying about homework and the ensuing chaos and everything terrifying that is probably coming our way. It's just us.

I heard the bells toll midnight.

I asked him if he wanted to get to bed so he could get to morning lectures and he said no, "Can't we just stay here for a little while longer? We've got so little time left."

"Draco, what's coming?"

"You know I can't tell you."

Grr. Alright, fine. I can handle this. I really can. I just let it slide by. Whee hee, Lewellyn's growin' on up.

We tipped back and stared up at the stars. We just watched them for a while. I saw a meteor or something. I made a wish. I know it won't come true, but at this point, anything's worth a shot. We held hands and watched the skies. He sat up. It was getting late...I think it was close to one at this point. I remember hearing the bell toll out while he was sitting up, leaning over me. He stroked my cheek. I blushed. He helped me sit up a bit. I curled up against him. Snuggle snuggle. Bell tolled one. We cuddled and touched and we were nose to nose, both breathing so lightly, like we're afraid to break whatever enchantment has us suspended without time. He brushed his nose against mine. I wondered if he was going to kiss me. He moved in a little, then stopped and pulled back, his lips brushing my cheek. Damn. I was hoping...but then again, I didn't take the initiative either. There had better be a next time, because I am not going to hesitate when that opportunity comes.

He started to say something, "I..."

"Yes?"

He hesitated, like he was trying to figure out what it was he was going to say...maybe he was trying to figure out if his timing was right, "I'm going to miss you, L'elly."

Damn. I was hoping to hear something else. I'm a hopeless romantic...and a bit of a chicken.

"I'm going to miss you, too. Will you be back next fall?"

"I hope so."

We held each other. The clock chimed half past. He kissed my forehead, "Now we should get going. My lookout said no later than two...so I've got to stay on his good side and get out a little early so he'll do this again."

I agreed. We gathered up our homework and got ready to head back inside. He took my hand and squeezed it. I didn't let go. He didn't pull away. We held hands as we walked down the stairs.

At the base, he squeezed my hand again, "Some day, Lewellyn Wilde. Some day."

He walked off. I heard a second set of footsteps join him later along the hallway. I darted back to Gryffindor house.

Here I am, now, sitting in the tower, wishing that I could have just walked off hand in hand with him. I also wish I would have kissed him- I had the PERFECT opportunity! Oh well, live without regrets. That's Papa's way and I'm trying to do so my hardest.

I have to say, though- tonight is mine. I'm not telling Luna, I'm not telling Daddy or Andi...tonight belongs to me.

To us.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**10\. June-**

 

Bobbie:

Fourth study party was today. Hermione is neurotic and nearly drove Neville and I mad. Luna is blessedly zoned out most of the time and doesn't let it get to her so much. I know she notices, but she's also able to just tune out and not take it so personally. Ginny's doing alright in the study group. I try not to pay attention to Harry, and Ron bugs me right now, too. Gah!

I forgot to write earlier that Draco said we had to be quiet this week...he dropped me a scrap of paper on Monday that combusted after I found it. I won't be pasting it in here, obviously. He said he would send me a meeting date when he could pinpoint one, but to break contact until I got notice. I am worried, scared, and don't want to be trying to concentrate on school-work.

I hate exams. They should be outlawed.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**13\. June-**

 

Bobbie:

Something is coming. Draco sent me a note again today- he said that whatever is happening, I need to stay put this Sunday. He told me that he will probably only see me one more time- this Saturday in the Astronomy tower. He even set a time frame. I can't stand this. I've drafted him a letter- here's the first go at it. I'll copy it out if it sounds alright after I read it in a bit and revise it, if needed.

Draco-

I know you have to leave at the end of this year, and even though I don't understand why you can't do what you want to and why you have to follow the wills of others, I have decided to trust that you are going to somehow be safe and we can find each other again at some point. I am really scared that this next year is going to be a hell-hole around here, and dealing with it without you is going to suck. Completely suck.

Anyway, you probably already figured that, and this letter is not all about the possibility of next year being rough.

I just wanted to write to tell you that, if you decide you can break away, run away, blast your way free...whatever...you've got a place with me. My father...you don't really know him. He's a very private person, but he does respect me and my decisions. If I told him he needed to just trust me on this, he would. He does. I know he's got other things on his mind right now, but things work out when people stick together and I am willing to take risks and fight that battle whenever I need to. You got that? I'm willing to fight for you, all you need to do is take that first step.

You can do it. You are strong. I know you say He'd find you. I know we've talked about this and you tell me He'd hunt us down and I would be the one to suffer first. I still think that it's possible to hide you- He's powerful, but there are people on our side who are, too- it's not just Dumbledore v. Him.

It's hard for me to write this letter- especially after you told me to just not talk to you all this week...and you set a meeting for such a specific place and time. I'll be there, don't worry...wouldn't miss you for the world, but that doesn't mean this isn't hard and it doesn't feel like it couldn't be a permanent goodbye. I don't know how to handle that. Permanent goodbyes...are rough. I didn't get to say goodbye to Sirius. Nothing left after to say goodbye to, either... You know what I'm getting at here. Please, I don't want to have to say it, and I don't want to go through it again, either- not sure I could, at this point.

I'm not sure what to say we are to each other, but I don't want to lose you like that, and if we end up on opposite sides of this fight, you know I can't hurt you. I just can't, and I don't want to see one of my family members be your downfall, either.

There are so many things I want to say at once. Things I don't know if I should say, or if I should wait and say them when we meet. I don't want to screw this up.

I guess it will have to wait. If I don't get the courage to say it then...I'll write it down and hand the note to you so you can read it after whatever happens...so you can decide then what to do about it.

Peace-  
Wilde.

I don't know if I will send it, or if I just needed to see it in print. I will bring it with me to our meeting on Saturday. I just need him to know that I think I love him.

Gah.

When did life get so crazy difficult? I thought things were supposed to be easier when you got all grown up and suddenly all those things that you-will-understand-when-you-are-older come to you as one great, mystical revelation.

I feel kind of cheated, you know, by that damned saying!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**14\. June-**

 

Bobbie:

I should probably start at the beginning. I went up to the Astronomy tower tonight and met with Draco. No surprise there. The surprises started when I got up to the tower.

He was standing on the edge, looking out. He did not turn to face me and told me that this would be the last time we saw each other this year. Apparently, the something that is on his mind so much lately is going to happen tomorrow, hands down, no stopping it.

I should probably tell someone, but what would I say, exactly? "Oh, hello, Professor McGonagall, Draco is more antsy than usual and something sinister will probably happen tomorrow. No idea what or where or an exact time or anything, but just figured you ought to know." Like that would be taken seriously.

Anyway, back to my story.

I'm obviously worried at this point, right? He's telling me he's most likely leaving. I asked him what was going on.

"Draco, just tell me- I can't deal with all this cryptic bullshit. You're here right now, I'm here, and we're alone. Let's just get this out in the air so we can figure out how to deal with it."

He closed the distance between us and stood right in front of me. He took my hands and was having trouble finding words. I just stared at him. When he relaxes that sneer and becomes, well, himself...god, he's so beautiful.

He wasn't saying anything, so I spoke again, "What's wrong? I'm scared and I don't want to lose you. Please, just talk to me..."

We were standing there, his head down...he wouldn't look at me. Another bit of unusual. I let go of one hand and touched his cheek. At this point, I'm thinking that the way he's talking, I either make my intentions damned clear now, or I might not get the chance to do it later. You know I'm stubborn and determined, and I am not leaving business unfinished. If I get this one shot, I'm going to take it, you know? So there I am, my hand resting on his cheek, the other hand holding his, and he finally looks up at me.

He was crying. Not, like, sobbing, or anything, but he was definitely crying, tears streaming down his cheeks. So here we are, two terrified kids trying to be all grown up...and I end up the one talking again.

"Draco, what's going on?"

His free hand came up and he touched me on the lips. I smiled a little and locked eyes. I wanted him to know I'm not afraid, right? He stepped in. Our noses touched. I could hear him breathing...this is just like before, when we almost kissed and he almost said something...and I know he didn't say what he was thinking then. Hesitancy like that means he was trying to figure out what to say and when to say it. I've wondered what he almost said and I've been hoping it was what I almost said, too.

We linger for a moment. I lean into him. I think he realised that I wasn't resisting and this was his moment to make his move before I made mine, because he kissed me. He started out so lightly and I think he was trying to read my body for signals on how to continue. Having never kissed someone before, I was kind of unsure of myself in this whole thing...but that didn't stop him. He was all gentle and slow and god...

Damn.

Seriously, HOT damn...

And it didn't stop at one simple little kiss, either. That kiss...or series of kisses? What do you really call it when it's one of those kisses that lasts, like, forever (ok, reality, probably five minutes...but time just kind of stops for you) and it starts out with just the lips, but crescendos to where there's the whole mouth involved and then tapers back off to just a simple brush from parted lips? It was a total brain-eraser. I liked it. A lot. After, I was in a daze, so he just kissed my forehead and pulled me close and held me there. It took a while, but he finally said something.

"L'elly...I'm sorry, but after tomorrow, this tower isn't going to be the same for either of us. I want what happens now to be able to be our last happy memory of this place."

"Draco, is something terrible going to happen tomorrow?"

"Yes. Please, be safe. Promise me you'll stay out of the way of whatever happens. For us...it's going to be bad either way. No matter how it turns out, it's going to, well, suck."

I promised him I would. God, I hope he's alright. Scared isn't even the right word to describe my emotions...probably more like terrified- petrified, even. After that, he held me for a little while longer before walking over to near the wall and picking up a package, wrapped in brown paper. He handed it to me and told me not to open it until after tomorrow. I don't know why- I am guessing it is his theatre effects book- the one we first started reading together. Maybe there's something here I am not seeing. I am thinking that's probably it. I told him I would wait and he gestured for me to sit down with him on a blanket he had spread out near the centre of the tower. I did, and we ended up laying back, watching the stars. I love stargazing with him- the stars aren't just the constellations from Astronomy class...they still are beautiful. They still are mysterious and they still make me feel incredibly small. I love them.

He eventually sat back up and told me that he had to get going- the person who was making sure we didn't get caught could only wait so long. He then asked me to promise him something else.

"Will you promise me that, no matter what happens tomorrow, you will still be able to look at me after? Just imagine me doing the worst thing in the world...would you still be able to talk to me?"

I had no idea what he was getting at, but whatever is coming must be absolutely atrocious, especially if he's so worried I'll never speak to him again after it. I promised him I would and said what I didn't think I could say out-loud.

"Of course I will...I love you."

Holy. Shit.

Yeah. It's a big deal, the first time you say that to someone other than your dad or your best friend...and you mean it in a way that doesn't apply to either of them. It's seriously heavy.

And I did it! Squee!

The amazing thing is, he didn't react in horror or anything. He broke my gaze, shook his head a little, and then took my hand.

"Yeah...Wilde, I love you, too."

Holy. Shit. Again.

I really didn't know what to do at this point- I mean, saying that ALONE was such an accomplishment that I never really thought about what happens next. He stood up and offered to help me up. I accepted, picked up the package,and then he folded the blanket. He tossed it over his shoulder and, before he turned to leave, grabbed me in this huge, strong hug, like he never wanted to let me go.

"I hope this isn't goodbye..."

Again, I was at a loss for words. I really suck at this, don't I? What do you expect, though? This is my first kiss, from a guy I really do love and I care about immensely...even though I have no idea how to make something like this work. I said the first thing that came to my mind.

"It's not, if I have anything to say about it." I also handed him the letter. He tucked it in his coat's inner pocket.

He chuckled a little- I could tell he thought it was sweet. He kissed me again. This time was shorter, but still, amazing. He gave me one last squeeze, turned around, and left. I could swear that I heard him sniffle as he closed the door.

He just walked out.

I know- he was having a HUGELY difficult time dealing with whatever is all going on, and I know I am a big ol' complication- a wrench in the gears- to those plans. I wish things were so much more simple.

A girl's first kiss is not supposed to happen at goodbye...but mine did. I'm not complaining- it was awesome (in every sense of the word), but I just wish that we had all the time in the world to move on from here and to figure out together what comes next...but apparently we don't.

There are so many thoughts swarming in my head. I have no idea even how to put them all into words. I want to run dancing through the halls, which, on my descent from the tower, I very nearly did, until I almost ran full into Professor Snape. He was right near the tower! I hope he didn't hear anything... Anyway, I want to sing and dance and shout and scream out in utter bliss, but I also want to cry and throw things in frustration and to just spin until I get dizzy and fall over and throw up so I can just wretch out all the bad, queasy feelings that are rolling in my stomach. Whatever Draco has going on tomorrow...it's not going to be good.

I wish I could talk to someone about this...someone that wasn't just paper. This is definitely not something I can tell Luna.

I'll talk to you tomorrow. Maybe after some sleep, this will seem a lot clearer.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**15\. June-**

 

Bobbie-

Today has been a living hell.

Draco was right. God, I hope he's alright.

And I am not sure how to cope with this.

Daddy is going to take me home soon...I can't...I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS HAPPENED!

Draco was up in the tower (according to Harry) and he was going to kill Dumbledore...his wand was out, he wanted to do it, but he hesitated and couldn't and SNAPE KILLED DUMBLEDORE! How fucked up is that? Seriously, 'screwed up' is not a strong enough phrase- I can justify the stronger cussing.

Good god, my best friend had to kill the Headmaster...this past term makes so much more sense, knowing now what I didn't then. Harry says he wouldn't have done it, that Dumbledore was convincing him to stand down and find another way and that Draco was just a mess up there...and I so want to believe him. I may despise Harry, but he's had a hobby of turning Draco into the bad guy in every story, if he could...so the fact that he's saying otherwise speaks volumes.

I did what Draco asked, I stayed out of the way. I stayed out of the battle... Daddy was worried I had tried to fight or something when he found me, but I was sitting on my bed in the tower, scared shitless and crying. I just wish that I didn't find out about Draco. I wish he was safe sitting beside me and I could just curl up in his arms and not be so worried about what they were going to do to him once they got back to Death Eater central. At the same time...I know what happened and I know he couldn't do it. Maybe this will help Harry to understand that he's not evil, too...he's just another mixed up kid on a mission given to him by someone else. In a way, they aren't so different, even though they would probably refuse to see that.

Draco was right. No matter what happened today, we were both going to end up miserable.

I hope he's alright. They dragged him off with them- the Death Eaters, that is. I think Harry said something about Snape grabbing him and hauling him off. I can't really call him Professor Snape right now...it just doesn't feel right. If Draco really did fail in his assignment, if he was really supposed to kill Dumbledore, oh god, I hope he's still alive. I hope that whatever it is in Snape that made him heal Draco and that told me that he wished that Draco and I could just be friends will win out and he can protect Draco long enough for him to get back here in the fall. Maybe then, if he needs to flee, we can figure out a way to get him out of there.

I just wish I could help him.

I hear Daddy coming- he's talking to Tonks. I'll write more after we get back to wherever it is we are going back to- probably Weasley HQ. Maybe not. I don't want to be anywhere right now, or at least, not anywhere Harry is going to be. Not anywhere where I'll overhear them talking about Draco like he's the same as his parents. He's not. I know that.

Sigh. I'll write later.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**16\. June-**

 

Bobbie:

We aren't going anywhere for a while. We're all staying here for Dumbledore's funeral. I want to crawl under a rock and hide. I wonder if Daddy has figured out yet that it isn't just Dumbledore that I'm crying for.

~L'elly

 

* * *

**17\. June-**

 

Bobbie:

I overheard Tonks and Daddy talking today. Apparently, Bill Weasley was mauled by Fenrir Greyback during the battle and Fleur was very insistent that the wedding go ahead as planned. Tonks used that as leverage. Daddy really doesn't have an argument left to stand on. That was only the start of the discussion I was Extendible Ear-ing in on. I also heard them talking about me.

"Remus, Dumbledore's death isn't the only thing she's down about. It's obvious there's something else there! You need to go talk to her."

"But she's still my little girl- I don't think I should rush her into telling me anything...it's not going to help her if her dad starts poking his nose into her business. She's sixteen. She's old enough to tell me when she's ready."

"Remus, L'elly is almost an adult! Talk to her one on one like you are both grown, not like she's a child. Something is hurting her and her way of asking for help is to not ask at all."

"How do you know that for certain?"

"Because she's just like you, you silly toad! If you won't talk to her, then I will."

"Maybe that's best, anyway...after all, maybe this has to do with something that she needs woman to woman time for. Maybe this has to do with someone...not something."

"Do you have an idea?"

"Yes, but she need to tell you on her own. We'll talk about this later, after you and she have had a talk."

Oh, fun. Parent time. Tonks is coming up the stairs...best put away the Ear.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Three hours later-

 

Bobbie:

So...that wasn't bad, actually. I told Tonks that I had heard their conversation and that this wasn't all about Dumbledore. I told her that obviously, I felt bad about his death, but he's not the one I'm scared for, because we know where he is and where he's going to stay. She was pretty confused. I told her that I didn't want her telling Daddy quite yet about what was going through my head. I'd tell him myself, but I really did need to just tell someone EVERYTHING. She sat down on my bed and I spilled the beans. I started from the beginning and told her all about his books and our theatre discussions and how we would stargaze...all up to what happened these past few weeks and how we were both so scared about what had happened in the tower and how it had violated our space...our tower...it wasn't ours anymore. I started crying again and she hugged me and told me that it was going to be alright, somehow, and she would try to find a way to get me in touch with him over the summer, just so long as we didn't give away the position of the Order when we managed it.

I am so grateful that she understands. I guess when you fall in love with a reluctant werewolf, you have to kind of understand when your future step-daughter falls in love with a reluctant Death Eater. She didn't tell me I was crazy, she told me I was brave, and she didn't tell me I shouldn't have, only that love hurts sometimes this way. She said she wouldn't tell Daddy, but she would tell him that we had talked and that I would tell him when I was ready.

I thanked her. She really is going to make a good step-mom.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**18\. June-**

 

Bobbie:

To start out, I've been thinking a lot...I may not be seventeen yet, but these past few days have grown me up quite a bit. I love Dad...but it's time to start calling him Dad, rather than Daddy. I'm an adult. I need to start showing that.

Anyway, Dumbledore's funeral had a huge showing. People from all walks showed up and it was depressing as hell. I never wanted to be there. I actually sneaked off part of the way through because I couldn't deal with it. I went into the castle and picked my way up to the Astronomy tower.

That used to be our tower. It didn't used to be the site of a battle. It didn't used to be the site of a murder. It used to be our space to sit and snuggle and gaze at the stars. I am so angry that it has been stolen from us. I know, he was part of that, but what choice did he really have? I miss him. I want to see him desperately so I know he's still alive. I miss his laughter. I miss his eyes. I miss his arms around me. I miss everything about him, from the curve in his back that my arms rested in when we held each other to the smell of his clothes...

Harry found me. Freaking Harry. I still don't like that kid and his behaviour here didn't endear me to him any more. I was a mess, having sobbed for a good long time over Draco, then wiped my face on my sleeve (smudged clothes and streaked skin) and shoved back my hair (mop-on-a-stick look). Talk about the last person I wanted to see at that time- Dumbledore's Mini-Me, the bloody Boy-Who-Lived-To-Grow-Up-Annoying.

He offered to walk me down to Dad. I refused. He started in on something about Dumbledore's death and it being hard on all of us in the Order and I just exploded- now, I didn't yell too loud or anything, but I was beyond irritated.

I think I sort of remember what I said, or at least the gist of it, anyway.

"Harry, this isn't all about Dumbledore! I didn't just lose my headmaster up here, don't you get it? Draco is my best friend. I know him better than any of you in that clique you are always hanging around with. This wasn't his decision- he was so scared, he was hurt, stuck, BROKEN...and now he's alone with those...those...GOD! This isn't fair, and you should know better than to make assumptions about somebody based on what they have to do in order to survive!"

He tried to protest...said my name (Lewellyn...full first name...) and told me he had lost friends to this fight, too...and had the AUDACITY to mention Siruis.

And that's when I really lost it.

"DON'T YOU DARE ASSUME YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE WHO LOST SIRIUS! HE HAD A FAMILY- A PARTNER, A DAUGHTER...AND WE LOST HIM, TOO! I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY GOODBYE TO- NO PLACE TO GO TO SEE WHERE HE FELL! HE WASN'T JUST YOURS!"

Oh yeah, L'elly was pissed. I did everything I could to restrain myself and still found myself yelling. At least I didn't haul off and slug him. I was very tempted to knock him on his sorry ass.

And that's when Dad came in. You want to talk about an awkward moment, there it was. The worst part is, I didn't see him until AFTER what I said next.

"Potter, imagine, if you can wrap your perfect brain around it, that maybe I loved Draco and maybe he was my first kiss. Maybe he was the only guy who ever treated me like this little mediocre witch with the weird family was alright, just as she was, family, fight, and all. Maybe, just maybe, I'm thinking about the fact that he could be dead, he could be tortured, and again, for the second time in my life, I'm not going to have anything to say goodbye to. I'm going to get second-hand news of his death and there won't be any seeing him go, any last moment eye contact, or a goodbye barely breathed...he'll just be gone."

Can of worms...opened. Foot. In. Mouth.

Because there was Dad, already broken hearted, Tonks right freakin' behind him...and I just brought up Sirius.

Dad just looked at me and said it was time to go. I didn't say anything. I realised that he must have been what made that sound I heard just after the loudest part of the tirade...I realised then as I was walking out that he probably heard me yelling about Sirius' death. I realised then that he probably just heard me tell Harry that I love Draco.

Dad hasn't said anything about it yet...I hope to hell that he doesn't. I don't want to see that look on his face that says he just can't handle anymore, but he's going to suffer in silence because that's what he does. I don't want him to ask why I called our family weird. I don't want him to think about the fact that I kissed the son of our enemy's lead general. I really don't want to see that reaction. I don't want to know what he and Tonks will talk about tonight at the Order meeting. I just want to go hide under a rock, but what with all hell just having broken loose, you can bet this summer is going to be Lewellyn on a tight leash.

Oh joy.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**19\. June-**

 

Bobbie:

We're at the Burrow. Molly insisted. She wants to make sure everyone is alright before we all head our different ways. Andi and Ted are coming to get Dad, Tonks, and I tomorrow to head back to their home. Fleur is busy preparing for she and Bill's wedding and she's making sure he's fine the entire time. Despite the fact that she can be pretty annoying, she's a good person at heart.

Someone's knocking- which tells me it's not one of the youngers. I'm going to bet it's either Dad or Molly.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Evening-

 

Bobbie:

That was Molly who knocked. She wanted to see how I was holding up. I told her everything, same as I told Tonks. I need Mom figures right now. I will tell Dad...but I know he's going to be hurt by it. I don't want him to be. I guess that's Sirius in me...he always tried to keep things from Remus because he hated seeing that suffering-in-silence look that he gets in his eyes when he puts everyone else before himself and ends up miserable for it. I just...I need to see how other people react to it first. Tonks took it alright. Molly just hugged me. She told me that she understands that Draco's probably just as scared as the rest of us. She told me she hopes his parents are watching over him the best they know how. She did everything she could to try to make me feel better, so I hugged her back, thanked her, and asked if we could do some baking therapy. As soon as I'm done writing, we're making pies.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**21\. June (1 am)-**

 

Bobbie:

Andi and I sat up reading from Papa's book tonight. I am sitting now in the window of my room and I am watching the full moon. Ted and she have made this officially my room. Apparently, this was an empty room until Ted and Dad retrieved my bed and dresser (along with Dad and I's other stuff) from Order HQ. I guess since Dumbledore's dead, the protection around the place is gone- all his spells and everything that kept it secret. I would say that I miss that house, but more of what I miss are the memories Papa, Dad, and I all made in it. We made so much out of so little... I know that Dad didn't bring all of Papa's things here- he couldn't manage to bring it all. Sirius' clothes, I think, are largely still there. I hope I can go back and get them some day. I hope Harry doesn't do anything stupid with that house. If he does, I'll beat him with a stick.

I should get some rest. This has been a long week.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Late afternoon-

 

Bobbie:

Oy. Oy. Oy. (No, not singing AC/DC). Dad and Tonks came to talk to me today about what I had said back on the 18th when I blew up at Harry. He wanted to know what all I had been talking about.

"L'elly...we need to talk about some things."

Here goes, I thought, "Let me guess- kissing Draco, weird family, Papa."

"That would be about it, yes. Do you care to elaborate on any of that?"

Tonks plopped down on the bed next to me, "Come on, El, it's time you told your Dad what you told me about Draco. You made sense then, you can make sense now."

I started telling Draco and I's story, just the same as I had with her. I flipped back through the pages of this diary to make sure I got things straight and that I told him all of what was going through my head. I told him about the night before the battle. I told him about our kiss and about saying goodbye without actually saying it. I showed him the ring and the locket.

He sat down in the chair across from the bed and stared at the picture in the locket for what seemed like a long time, "You really think he's not willingly against us?"

"Dad, I know he's not. He was terrified all semester about what would happen if he failed his assignment...which, according to Harry, he sort of did. He was so freaked out that he wouldn't be seen with me at school because he said that if he were, his mother could bear the brunt of the punishment for it. He told me that the choice he had was to do what he was told or to risk his family turning up tortured and dead. You didn't see him looking more and more ill as the year went on and all...I did. I watched him fall apart. I stargazed with him late into the night, and I was a form of sanity, I suppose. What else was I supposed to do, just leave him to deal with things on his own?"

Dad just sighed and closed the locket, "No...you care too much to be able to do that. We raised you too well for you to just be able to walk away when someone needs you."

Tonks put her arm around my shoulder, "So, one down. Two to go. You're doing fine, El."

I smiled, "So...weird family?"

"Yep, what say you?"

"I say that I do have a kind of weird family- I have two dads and a step-mom and I'm totally adopted...so I actually have two other parents and a little monster brother, too, but they're idiots. Families with one parent are easier to explain than families with three and two genetic donors."

Tonks reached forward and took the locket and ring from Dad, "She has a point there, Moony."

"That she does, Nymphadora." He turned to me, "You don't need to explain about Siruis. I know his death is still hard for you to deal with because he was just gone- nothing there to bury, nothing to help you come to terms with it. I hope you don't have to go through that again with your friend."

Tonks opened the locket and handed me the ring, "Aww, this is sweet! You two are so cute playing in the snow! He looks so different when he's laughing and happy than when he's a jackass little snot."

She handed the locket back to me, "I guess you've figured out by now that your relationship isn't going to be easy, right?"

"Yes...I mean, we spent all year meeting in secret, never talking in the hallways, and hiding our friendship from the other students. We both just wanted the secrecy to end...but we couldn't. It's just the way it is."

Dad shrugged, "Well, I suppose if you are willing to accept that, then there's nothing we can do to stop you and we shouldn't, anyway. You understand the dangers, you understand what is going on in the world, and you are strong enough to stand on your own. We've raised a capable, strong young woman."

"Thanks, Dad."

Tonks tousled my hair, "You're remarkably like your dads, El. Now come on, let's go dive into the pies you and Mol sent home with us. Mom's been eyeing the apple one all day and I think Dad might have already tried to sneak a piece of the berry."

And that was it. We went downstairs, we had pie, and I didn't have to worry about hiding Draco from the family anymore. I think after London, Andi and Ted have things pretty well figured out.

Somehow, we're all going to be all-right.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**23\. June-**

 

Bobbie:

I realised yesterday that I never opened Draco's package. I was going to get to it yesterday evening, but Ted tempted me into a game of exploding snap from which there was no return.

Ten minutes ago, I finally opened it. It was, like I had suspected, his theatre book. I just sat and hugged it for a minute and then opened it. He had written a letter and tucked it inside.

_Wilde-_

_By now, you know what I had to do and I've either done it or died. I'm hoping that I'm still alive as you are reading this. You probably know if I am or not._

_I am going to try to write to you as often as I can over the summer. We need to keep close._

_I want you to have this book. I won't be able to have it from here on in and I know you will cherish it just as much as I did. I know you will keep it safe and you are the one person I know who will look at it in as much wonder as I did._

_I love you, L'elly. I hope you got the chance to hear it from me in person before we parted. That's the problem with writing these things ahead-of-time- you never know what happened in the hours between when I wrote this and when you are reading it._

_If I'm alive after the tower, I will see you in the fall, come hell or high water, and I will write to you this summer._

_Stay safe._

_O.G._

I'm happy. I'm quiet. I'm going to go take some tea and snuggle down on my fluffy bed with the book.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Later in the day-

 

Bobbie:

I'm getting a new look. It's time to shed this shell. We're chopping the hair and dying it. I'm also going shopping with Andi. I need some vintage funk in my life!

Go punk me!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

24\. June-

 

Bobbie:

I took a chance and wrote to Draco care of his father at the Ministry. I know his father is in Azkaban, but maybe someone is forwarding mail to Malfoy Mannor.

I can only hope.

I miss him.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**26\. June-**

 

Bobbie:

Andi, Tonks, and I went to London and went shopping today for girl time and fun. We found some fun boutique shops and hit up lunch at an Indian restaurant off the beaten path. We also went to the Victoria and Albert Museum and wandered the galleries. That's the nice thing about charms- you can make your many parcels cram all into one tiny handbag. It was such a lovely day and Andi bought me some amazing clothes. She and Tonks said I needed retail therapy and I wasn't going to argue with that.

Just a highlight of some of the wicked things I found:

1- Amazingly gorgeous 50s sundress in light yellow with sunflowers  
2- Best peep-toe burlesque shoes EVER  
3- Large floral print 60s tent dress  
4- Gorgeous Gunne Sax maxi dress from the 70s  
5- Straw hat with flowers  
6- Patent leather pumps in dark red  
7- Corset (leather, dark green!)  
8- Floor length skirt (with train) in royal purple

Dad would flip over the corset, but it is amazingly soft and fits so well...and since Andi said that I should have something utterly stunning so she could take me out late some night to something insanely formal, I'm not going to argue!

Despite all the crappy things that have happened so far, this summer might not turn out so bad after all!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Late evening...probably night-

 

Bobbie:

Dad just told me that Lucius Malfoy has been released from Azkaban on His orders.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I hear back from Draco.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**28\. June-**

 

Bobbie:

I've been so worried about Draco. I got a letter from him today.

_Wilde-_

_I got your letter, along with a note explaining where it was found. Apparently, your Arthur Weasley has been keeping an eye out in my father's mail for things that are sent to the Ministry that shouldn't just wind up in the rubbish bin. He pulled your letter, figuring it was important since it was hand-addressed. He sent it in an envelope to my mother. She opened it and saw your first line, read it (I suppose it is what parents do), and then handed it to me. She promised me she wouldn't even tell my father what it is that she read if I didn't want her to. I told her to please keep quiet about us for the time being. We can't have Him finding out about us._

_I miss you, too, L'elly. I really do wish that we could see each other this summer, but I don't think that will be possible._

_You probably have already heard from those on your side, but my father is home. I don't know entirely how, other than that He had a lot to do with it. Father looks terrible. He stepped in the door and Mother hugged him, then sent him upstairs to bathe and change clothing. I didn't get the chance to see him until after Mother had helped him untangle and wash his hair. She later told me that she was afraid she might have to cut it off when she saw how snarled it was. I am so glad he is home, but at the same time, I am terrified as to what it means. What does He have planned?_

_Don't try to write back quite yet- the owls are even being searched._

_O.G._

I'm not even sure what to say...

~L'elly.


	11. 1997:  July

**3\. July-**

Bobbie:

I got a second letter from Draco today. I have been somewhat bored around the house the past few days, as I have not been able to convince Andi that I really need to get out of here for a while. I know it's not entirely safe, but I would rather live a little dangerously and see something different than sit entirely still while Tonks and Dad are out on missions and such.

Anyway, the letter.

_Wilde-_

_Things have been far too calm the past few days. Father reappeared and then nothing has come of it. Something terrible is coming, or I may be entirely paranoid...you get that way when you live so long being afraid of what may come next. I suppose I am just so terrified of what He has planned to punish my family for Father's failure in the Ministry a year ago. The Dark Lord is NOT kind and is not at all forgiving. We may have been shamed in the rest of the wizarding world, but we have not yet been humiliated in front of the Death Eaters. Please, Lewellyn, be sending your happy thoughts our way...I don't know if we'll make it out of here alive without some positive energies or prayers or whatever it is that you believe in coming our direction._

_I love you, L'elly._   
_O.G._

I love you, too, Draco.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**5\. July-**

 

Bobbie:

Dad and Tonks are getting married tomorrow. I'll have someone to call 'Mom', if I feel like it. It just seems weird to call someone that I've known by her name for so long by anything different.

Tonks gave me a little ring to wear on my pinky. Apparently, it comes from her family and was passed to her by Ted. It's this little amethyst stone set in silver. It's gorgeous and simple and will go with my yellow sundress that I am wearing for the very small wedding tomorrow. Ted is officiating. It is going to be quick, simple, and involve all of us heading over to the Burrow for coffee after.

I have to go keep Tonks sane now- she's freaking out a little about what colour her hair should be for tomorrow. I'm encouraging hot pink.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**6\. July-**

 

Bobbie:

The wedding today was simple and short. We did as planned and had coffee at the Burrow after. I then went home with Andi and Ted while Dad and Tonks went off for a week in France.

I am so tired, I just want to sleep for two days.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**8\. July-**

 

Bobbie:

Dad and Tonks are depressing...I mean, they sent us an owl today with a picture of them in Paris and they're just so disgustingly adorable and happy. Usually this wouldn't bother me so much, but when I'm missing Draco and worried so much about him...it's just way too much to watch happy lovers that are so damned cute when you don't have your other half, you know? It's just sad!

You know, I think I'm jealous. Damn it! I want!

Bah.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**9\. July-**

 

Bobbie:

So...Andi asked me today why I was so blue...and I told her everything. Not that she hadn't figured it out already, I mean, she was there in London and all. I'm not exactly good at hiding much from family and they're here all the time, watching me and figuring things out. Andi asked if it was alright if she shared with Ted, and of course, I consented. Everyone who knows about us (Tonks, Dad, Andi, Ted, Molly) knows that, for safety's sake, they have to keep mum. I suppose that these dangerous times do have that one bright side- it is a lot easier for people to believe that some secrets simply must be kept, well, secret.

Anyway, I should go and rejoin the family. We're having pizza night!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**11\. July-**

 

Bobbie:

Since about ten this morning, I've had this sinking feeling...something's wrong, but I can't tell what or with who...is it Dad? Is it Draco? Is it something with Molly or Luna or Neville? It's strong...I'm queasy. I feel sick...I've been in bed for most of the day.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**12\. July-**

 

Bobbie:

Dad and Tonks got home today and Tonks noticed that I'm a little...twitchy. You remember the 'bad feeling' from yesterday? It's still lurking. It's lurking so intensely that I felt sick after lunch. Something out there is seriously wrong. I mean, what kind of ick sticks around like this unless it is either serious bad, or bad fish?

Anyway, I got the chance to corner Tonks after tea and I grilled her madly about she and Dad's trip. Ooooo! I got some juicy stuff, but she made me promise NOT to write it down! She's all blushing and she's got her hair bright pink for the moment and she's terribly excited to be home.

Ooo! More big news! We got an invitation on Friday to Bill and Fleur's wedding! I am so spectacularly excited to go. I wonder what I should wear? No idea!

On a downer note, I won't be taking a date. I hate to only grump and moan in here about how I don't get to see Draco over the holiday, and that is what it feels like I keep doing.

That's it! Lewellyn needs a new look...maybe I'll chop my hair even shorter, or get my ears pierced...or get a tattoo? I wonder how Dad would feel about his little L'elly getting herself some big-girl ink? That could be fun, and I could totally freak out my classmates when I get back to classes! Even better!

Alright, so planning how to make people at school totally flip their lids is helping tone down the ick and all- yay! Here's to a new, bold, and freaky L'elly heading to take Hogwarts by storm!

~L'elly "Wilde Thing!"

 

* * *

**14\. July-**

 

Bobbie:

I got a letter today that explained the ominous feeling of the past few days. I'm worried. I've got to call on all that defiant strength that Papa instilled in me in order to get through this one and not turn into a bawling, quivering, soggy mess. First clue something was wrong? His introductory paragraph and the whole formality of his letter. It is SO not like him.

_L'elly-_

_Wherever you are, I hope this finds you eventually. Knowing you, you're getting ready to go back to Hogwards, ready to fight through whatever is happening there. I hope you are staying strong. I hope you are still in one piece, both physically and emotionally. I'm not doing well...I'm still alive, but...having HIM here...it's terrifying. My family is in utter disgrace within His company, and that's saying something. When a nobility of evil, disgraced already, can form cast-offs...there's something utterly worthless. He's set up His headquarters in our house. He wants to make sure we don't do anything beyond what he asks of us. I'm sorry, but this fall is not going to be easy on either of us._

_Don't try to write back. Not here- I'll find a way to reach you again. Just hold on._

_I...I've seen things this summer that I never thought I would see and that I had hoped to avoid. I knew these people were evil. I knew they would kill a whim, but I never thought they would use death as though it were a plaything. I mean, Dumbledore was strategic, right? I mean, He feared him, that's why I was asked, but I failed. I didn't really realise, I suppose, just how willing some of these people are to kill for pleasure, rather than out of some strategic need- not that it's right, either way, but at least one of those ways makes some sense._

_Professor Burbage is dead. Don't tell anyone how you know, but if anyone asks what happened to her, well, if you say, they'll interrogate you until you tell and then we'll both probably end up dead and that's a chance I don't want to take. I shouldn't tell you that she's gone, but you deserve to know the truth, not whatever the papers end up saying. He had her killed. He used it as part of our torment. She was a prop in His game, as if it wasn't hard enough to see Dumbledore die. I can't see an end to this and I don't know how to get out- I can't even flee. They would find me. They would kill me over a long period of torture, like only He knows how to execute._

_Please, for the love of anything that may be holy (and with what I've seen...if there is a god, it doesn't intervene), stay out of their way. Run from the fight, if you have to, just do anything you can to keep safe._

_If you want to write back, and after all you've seen I can understand why you wouldn't, I will find a way. I'll send instructions. I know your mail is probably going to be read. I'll try to keep hiding the letters in the feathers of this very patient and very subversive owl. I would charm it, but any magic done in this house sets off some sort of alarm and He knows about it. I just hope He can't read my thoughts from this far off- there are some spaces I can still find to be alone in...and I can occasionally slip off to go walking on the estate. Maybe I'm safe to write out here. I guess we'll find out._

_Draco._

Oh god.

Shit.

He's at their manor? He's made that His base of operations? If there is a deity out there, I really hope it or its minions are watching over Draco right now, because it sounds like he and his family really need it.

I feel like I should tell someone about Professor Burbage, but at the same time, he's trusting me with this. I just hope that the papers report it soon enough so I can at least feel a little better with it out in the air. We're growing up too fast.

Of course, I want to write back- I just hope there's someone left for me to write back TO.

Why the heck does everything have to get so dramatic around here? Can't one of these letters be strange, telling me that Luna wandered onto the Malfoy property and placed an Imperio curse on HIM so He started tapdancing on the table with a lampshade on His head while singing about being a teapot? Really, is that too much to ask?

I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that it is some very zany spell like that which will bring Him down. Maybe He's one of those crazy creatures that can be killed with laughter.

I wish.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**17\. July-**

 

Bobbie:

I've decided today that I'm getting a tattoo. I even decided on a design. It is going to be an opening lotus flower with the following phrase under it:

"Bloom where you are planted".

It's perfect. No matter where we are planted in life, we can thrive. I think it is something that we all need to be reminded of. I'm getting it on the back of my left shoulder.

Now for the tough part- talking someone in to taking me to get it done. I think I'll work on Tonks...

Mission: Ink!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**19\. July-**

 

Bobbie:

Full moon tonight. Tonks and I are going to spend the night at the beach. I'll report tomorrow morning.

~L'elly

 

* * *

**20\. July-**

 

Bobbie:

Tonks thinks the ink idea is great. She's going to talk to Dad. She says that as soon as she convinces him, we'll go and get it done.

Whoo hoo!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**24\. July-**

 

Bobbie:

Mission accomplished! I have been inked, just like I wanted! It felt TOTALLY WEIRD to get that tattoo- there were some spots that it felt like my whole shoulder blade was just going to vibrate off, but I have it now and it's mine! I am so excited and I am so happy and I want to wear tank tops the entire rest of the summer so I can show it off. It looks like bruise right now, but when it heals, it is going to be the most bad-ass tattoo in the history of L'elly kind.

Tonks and I sat down in the park after and got ourselves snack food so we could chill and watch the ducks for a while. I was content, but she was obviously a bit antsy. She got all serious and asked me what I would do if she ended up pregnant.

BIG CLUE- people don't usually ask this kind of question unless they already are.

I told her that I'd be fine with it. I told her that if she was, she should just come out and say it. She told me she thought she was, but hadn't had it confirmed by a medi-witch yet. She told me she was scared to tell Dad because she wasn't sure how he was going to react. I nearly dropped my snacks. For hell's sake, woman, tell him! He's going to be so happy, even if he's terrified at first. She says she wants to get herself checked out to be 100% sure first.

Aren't I just the receptacle for secrets these days!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**26\. July-**

 

Bobbie:

So,apparently, today is Operation: Move Harry. The Order is getting together a ton of people and there's polyjuice potion involved and everything. This should be interesting.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Post Operation: MH-

 

Bobbie:

Things went terribly wrong and the Order was ambushed. I don't know details yet, other than Harry's owl is dead. I was in the attic when people got here. I stayed there, watching the bustle on the front lawn. I couldn't really make out who was where. I've got to talk to Andi.

~L'elly

 

* * *

Later-

 

Bobbie:

Ok, so Dad is safe, for the present, or at least he's alive. Everyone is over at the Burrow. Mad-Eye Moody didn't make it. George Weasley lost an ear- apparently Snape did something that cut it off- probably that spell that Harry used on Draco last school year. George and Fred are, from what Andi gleaned from Tonks, taking things a lot better than everyone else is. They're already making tacky ear jokes about it.

Things are getting more dangerous. I guess it really seems official now, since Moody, one of the toughest people I knew, is gone, that anyone in the Order could end up dead, just like Papa. Dad could be next. Tonks could be next...anyone. I guess death just seems a little more likely and a little more certain.

The sad thing is that I am coming to accept this as entirely normal. I wish it weren't and I could go back to being a kid again, with Dad and Papa and all the crazy days that we had at home. It's not that I would wish Tonks away, but I really miss Papa.

Anyway, I have to go figure out how to calm Andi. Ted's having a rough time of it and we're all a bit stressed by the ambush tonight. This wasn't just the Order that was attacked, this was our family.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**29\. July-**

 

Bobbie:

Tonks and Dad picked me up this morning to head to the Burrow for dinner so some of us could stay over in preparation for Bill and Fleur's wedding. Though my folks have business to attend to, I'm going to be crashing here, which is awesome, because I've been missing Molly a TON. It's evening now, and I've been hiding for most of my time here, tucking in corners and trying to stay out of everyone's way. This place is insane (more so than usual)!

I overheard the Trio talking about their plans for Hogwarts next year. They, it seems, are not planning on returning to school, but are going to be questing for the means by which to defeat HIM. More power to them. I'll be keeping up morale on the home front, thank you. From what I've been able to gather, there's no telling if we'll have a new headmaster next year, or if McGonagall is just going to step up and run the school. I hope she does- it would be nice to have someone familiar in charge, and not some stranger who will probably be Ministry sent and hell-bent on following all sorts of rules.

That's one of the things I guess I liked most about Dumbledore- he knew there were exceptions to rules and he knew that they existed for good reasons.

I miss him.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**30\. July-**

 

Bobbie:

The Delacour family arrived today and we all got a little more squished. Thank god the wedding is the day after tomorrow!

Speaking of tomorrow, it is Harry's birthday. Is it wrong of me to want to ask Molly if I can write something snarky on his cake?

Maybe it is, but it feels so right...

Te he he!  
~L'elly.

 

* * *

**31\. July (St. Potter's Day)-**

 

Bobbie:

Alright, so I know I sound spiteful and bitter, but I really don't like Harry. I mean, it's not even just what happened when he used that spell on Draco and nearly killed him (though that doesn't help his case any). It's the way he talked to me in the tower after Dumbledore died and the way he tends to forget that Sirius had more family than just him. It's the way he acts like the whole weight of the world is on his shoulders. Maybe it is- maybe he has to kill HIM, but that doesn't give him the right to discount what others try to do to help out. We can all contribute something to the fight, whether that's Molly contributing her home and her cookies or the physical fighting and undercover footwork that Dad and Tonks bring to the table. We all do SOMETHING to keep this battle possible to win and Harry goes and acts like it's all him.

So Ginny and Harry got all cute today and kissed and now everyone knows they're a couple, but Harry's not committing because he's afraid he'll go and die or something (welcome to our world...) and then the Minister shows up. POLITICS! Yep, he just dropped by to give things to the Trio that Dumbledore left them in his will...and to try to recruit Harry to be the Ministry's poster boy. Of course, he said he wouldn't.

I've stayed in hiding most of the day. I'm going to keep it that way.

Oh- I've decided on what to wear to the wedding tomorrow! I have a pair of ballet flats that I can wear with my Gunne Sax dress and my straw hat. I'm so excited! I'm throwing extra clothes in a backpack, though, so if I want to get funky with my bad self late into the reception (you know, once the party really gets wild), I have something to toss on behind a bush or something- you know, without any thought as to having to come back to the house.

Ooo- Tonks also told Dad about being pregnant and all. It's official, she is! So excited!

Anyway, big day tomorrow, I should get some sleep or something- you know, be practical about all this instead of sitting up with tea and scones, scribbling in my diary.

Night!

~L'elly.

 


	12. 1997:  August

**2\. August-**

Bobbie:

Where do I even begin with this one? The wedding started out well, but let's just say that it's a good thing I brought extra clothes out, because fleeing in a dress isn't easy. I should rewind. The Ministry finally fell to HIM. It fell during the wedding and the wedding was crashed by Death Eaters. NOT FUN. Everyone started Disapparating to keep from getting caught. I got my ass out of there and over to London as fast as I could. I have no idea how to get word to home. I'm at Grimmauld Place now. There's nothing left here that is protected...I mean, the place looks like hell, but it's still Papa's house...or at least it was, until he gave it to Harry.

Bah. Potter even takes Papa's home. Stupid wanker.

I just wish the place didn't look so trashed. I would try to clean things up, but I'm just so hungry and so tired that I just want to crash here. I did manage to stash some fruit in my bag before I fled, so I've had something to eat, but it's not much. I'll have to scavenge some in the neighbourhood after I get some rest.

I'll write more tomorrow.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**3\. August-**

 

Bobbie:

I did some exploring in the house today. I found Papa's long jacket. I curled up in it and cried myself to sleep for a few hours. I found a bowl in the kitchen and went out to find food. I know how to scavenge- I'm rather good at it. I ended up finding some things in the rubbish bins behind a grocery store. It was something to eat and it wasn't spoiled, so I'm happy.

I'm going to go curl up in the bedroom and sleep for a while. I'll write if anything interesting happens.

~L'elly

 

* * *

**4\. August-**

 

Bobbie:

I really didn't want anything interesting to happen. I was hoping for an uneventful week. Did I get it? No. The Trio showed up today, acting like they were the only ones who would have thought to come here. I think I scared Hermione out of her skin when she found me sleeping (and woke me up). She also scared me out of my skin and there was much girly surprised screaming.

I flopped back on the bed, "Good lord, woman! That's no way to wake a body!"

"Oh! L'elly! Thank goodness, it's only you!"

"Who did you think it was going to be? I lived here, you know!"

"Of course, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. Do you know where we can find something to eat?"

I told her where there were a few leftovers stashed and where to find good rubbish bins and promptly went back to sleep.

It is much later, right now. Dad is here, fighting with Harry. Apparently, he wants to go adventuring and Harry is appalled that he'd consider it, especially since Tonks is pregnant and he's going to be a father. What the heck? He already IS a father...but, of course, I don't count in the world of Potter...I'm not his REAL kid, now am I?

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Evening-

 

Bobbie:

Dad is taking me somewhere he thinks is safe. I hope it is back to Andi and Ted's house. He told me, though, that they were tortured after the Ministry fell because the Death Eaters wanted to know where Tonks was. From what Dad tells me, they didn't say a thing and are still pretty shaken, but proud as hell to have both survived and said nothing that would do any harm to the Order. I'm happy to be heading back there. It might be a new, dangerous world, but it is a lot easier to deal with when you are around people you know and love. I would much rather be with family than with the Trio.

Oh, I brought Papa's jacket with me. I wore it out of the house when we left. I don't care much if Harry wants it back or not- he won't get it. This is mine. It belonged to MY father.

~L'elly

 

* * *

**5\. August-**

 

Bobbie:

Apparently, the fact that she and Dad are married and having a baby hasn't gotten out and around yet, because Dad wasn't even mentioned when the Death Eaters came to find Tonks and tortured Ted and Andi. Andi's been fortifying the house and won't let Tonks leave on missions because of the baby. I don't blame her.

When we got to the house, there was another letter waiting for me. Andi doesn't remember how it got here. She thinks that it must have been brought by one of the Death Eaters.

_Wilde-_

_My beautiful Lewellyn...this summer could not end fast enough. He is regulating every aspect of our lives. I could barely conceal this letter without getting caught (it was transfigured into a piece of lint and charmed to drop off in the presence of Andromeda). Please, this is getting worse...write to me. I need to see your handwriting and know you are alright. I know that your family is in great danger right now and I know it is completely selfish for me to be asking this of you. I'm so sorry. I hope everyone survived this weekend. I had to write this and plant it on Friday._

_It is getting worse here. I know it is wherever you are as well. I need to see you once classes start up again. I will find a way to ask to meet with you once we are back at Hogwarts. You have to trust me when I tell you that I have someplace safe for us lined up already, even if it isn't much and it isn't fancy. The important thing is that we will be protected while we are in this space._

_If you will write, an owl will be arriving at Andromeda's home on the 8th of August. It will have a canister affixed under its left wing. It will leave on its own accord by midnight that night._

_I hope you will still speak to me. I know I'm a terrible person for what I did last year, but I am willing to beg for your forgiveness. I don't know what I will do with myself this year if I do not have you in my life. I love you._

_~O.G._

I'll be writing to him. I love him, too. I know, sappy sappy sappy! I do miss him, yes, and that means I am willing to listen to him and hear him out about what happened at the end of the last school year. It isn't going to be easy, but I'm willing to give him a chance. Call me a fool, but I'm not completely heartless.

Sometimes, being a softie is a good thing.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**8\. August-**

 

Bobbie:

I wrote to Draco. I found his owl. I hope he's alright. I hope that the owl knows exactly what it is doing because that owl better get that letter to him straight away. I don't want to be found out.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**10\. August-**

 

Bobbie:

Ginny dropped by today. Molly's been nervous about letting her go back to Hogwarts this year, but Ginny isn't exactly someone you can argue with. She's determined to be at Hogwarts and to stay at Hogwarts unless it becomes more dangerous to be there than it is to be at the Burrow. Right now, the Burrow is more dangerous than Hogwarts, and I think that's how she's justified it to her mother.

Apparently, the Trio has already disappeared on their quest, so Ginny also convinced Molly that she'd be safer at Hogwarts than Ron is, wherever he is.

Ginny's birthday is tomorrow. We baked cupcakes to celebrate. We then ate said cupcakes with Andi, Ted, and Tonks to celebrate. Dad is off somewhere. I should really get used to not seeing him, because I am sure that is what it is going to be like for most of this year.

When we were cupcake munching, Andi asked if we had a plan for keeping safe this year.

Ginny nodded, "Of course- L'elly, Neville, Luna, and I are all going to stick together through this- we're very good at watching each others' backs. We did it all last year, we studied together, we had fun together, and we tried to not go crazy studying for examinations together."

Andi smiled, "Well, stick together. It's what you have to do to survive in times like this."

We all agreed, ate more cupcakes, and then Ginny had to head home because Molly would be insanely worried if she didn't come home on time. I can't see any reason why Molly wouldn't be worried- these days are entirely too dangerous to be out alone.

I miss my friends.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**13\. August-**

 

Bobbie:

I decided today that I am going to hack off this hair (down to a bob brushing my cheekbones) and dye it. I'm dying my hair darker brown and streaking it with blonde and dying those streaks blue. Andi and Ted say that we can get my hair done when we go to Diagon Alley to get my school supplies.

Fourteen days and counting- we're going to be heading there on the 27th. Hopefully our letters will come by then.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**18\. August-**

 

Bobbie:

Andi taught me how to sew today and we made a hippie sundress out of an old quilt. It is awesome. I plan to wear it on the train before we get to Hogwarts and have to change into our uniforms.

Whee hee! I've got skills!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**19\. August (midnight.01)-**

 

Bobbie:

Full moon tonight. It's cloudy. Dad is in the basement, sleeping. Tonks is worried that the baby will somehow also have to deal with lycanthropy, but she's adamant that she's prepared to deal with it. Andi is busy brewing wolfsbane. Ted and I are sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace with crayons and colouring books. We are totally awesome.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**20\. August-**

 

Bobbie:

Dad took me aside today and talked to me about his going into hiding. Apparently, the Ministry is rounding up werewolves. They have also started rounding up Muggle born wizards. He's going to hit the road. We're not going to see much of each other this year.

I knew it.

I just hope he stays safe. Tonks is going to go absolutely bonkers without knowing where he is or when he's anywhere.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**22\. August-**

 

Bobbie:

Read the Prophet today. They have started publishing the names of Muggle born witches and wizards that they want to interrogate. Hermione's name was on the list today. I hope she and the boys know what they are doing.

I also got my Hogwarts letter today. Snape is our new headmaster. I'm not sure if I should be screaming or running like hell and refusing to return. I think either sounds like a good option right now. He killed Dumbledore and now he gets to take his job? Sounds pretty shady.

In our letters, we all got notice that we would have to prove our blood status in order to be allowed to return to Hogwarts. I have my birth certificate and proof of name change, so that should be enough. Both of the Rowes are named on it and, since they both went to Hogwarts, I hope that is enough. I have no idea what else I would do to prove it. The paper says that our birth certificates should do, but I'm not going to put all my eggs in one basket.

Wish me luck. This year is going to need all I can get.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**26\. August-**

 

Bobbie:

Headed to London tomorrow to get my new look! I am so excited! My tattoo looks great and is well healed, my sundress for the train will show it a little, and I'll have streaked blue hair. How freakin' bad-ass is that? Very!

I got another letter today. This one, Andi found it in the groceries. How the heck is he getting these letters here? I think it has to do with the owls.

_L'elly-_

_The count-down for school to begin is on! It will be less than a week before we see each other. I would say that I would find you on the train, but I don't think that is wise. I also don't know if we will see each other right away at the feast- I think something is being planned for the Death Eater students. I almost am afraid to know what._

_You should know before we return- I don't know which side Professor/Headmaster Snape is really on. He may be with us, and he may have killed Dumbledore, but remembering back to that night in the tower, I don't know that he did it willingly. It was almost like they had worked something out ahead of time, and I know that Snape was supposed to be protecting me. He made the Unbreakable Vow to my mother, hence the reason I didn't end up dead. I know it seems strange, but do you think that maybe Snape and I have something in common? Maybe we're just stuck in situations that neither of us want? I don't know much about his past, but maybe, just maybe, he isn't entirely evil. Maybe he is. I don't know. Best be safe, right?_

_I have a question- I know this sounds wrong, but I will see you, right? You aren't Muggleborn and you have your papers, right, even though you were adopted? Please, tell me you do- if you don't, I don't know that I can help you much, but I will try. I miss you._

_~O.G._

I have no idea how to write him back, but yes, I will be at Hogwarts. I wouldn't not go. I have to be there so I can be a royal pain in the ass- it's just what I do.

Anyway, London, ho!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**27\. August-**

 

Bobbie:

Tonks had to stay home today with Ted and Dad is off on a mission or something somewhere. I am with Andi in Diagon Alley. There are so many different shops that are closed, but I can still get what I need to and still have a little time to go into Fred and George's shop. Right now, we are taking tea. I'll write more later.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Home-

 

Bobbie:

I have everything for school and am ready to hit that train! I'm not taking much with me- just my trunk of clothes and the supplies I need. I don't want anything to happen to my cat. Andi says he'll be well taken care of while I'm away and I have no doubt of that. Tonks loves that cat.

My hair, by the way, looks totally awesome. I love the chocolate brown colour and I love the electric blue streaks even more. I feel so totally bad-ass and the length is perfect! I feel so punk rock- like I can take on the world and no one can stop me. This is probably good, considering I have a feeling of foreboding about Hogwarts.

Damn it, Hogwarts shouldn't feel terrifying!

Bah!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**31\. August-**

 

Bobbie:

We take the train tomorrow. I'm nervous. Ted told me today not to worry about the mess about the Ministry calling up Muggle borns. He's got a plan, apparently, and he's hoping everything will turn out alright before he has to set it in action. I hope so. I really would miss Ted if he had to run off. Dad's already somewhere in the great 'out there' and I worry enough about him!

I don't want to go back to Hogwarts, in a way, but I know that if I don't, they've won- the Ministry run by Death Eaters would have a victory. He would have a victory. I refuse to be that person. I refuse to give him even one little iota of an edge in this battle. I'm going back, I'm going to be a pain in the ass, and I'm going to do it proudly.

Here's to being a wrench in the gears.

~L'elly.

 


	13. 1997:  September

**1\. September-**

Bobbie:

Arrived at Hogwarts today and things are different. Snape is headmaster. I don't know whether or not to look at him or what- he killed Dumbledore, but he also made sure that Draco didn't end up dead...so is he completely evil? Possibly. We're probably all going to die this year, anyway. Best to be safe, rather than sorry and just chalk him up as wicked and avoid him at all possible moments.

It is just before the first years all enter the feast. I don't know if I feel like eating or not. The spread is lovely and I know the House Elves put so much work into it, but I just feel a little queasy.

I haven't seen Draco yet. I mean, I did pass him on the train and he glanced at me and brushed my hand, but we really couldn't be human to one another. I hope I made him look twice, though, because I was smokin' in that dress. Even Neville was staring. I think the burlesque shoes helped. Luna told me that I was completely and totally hot. She, Ginny, Neville, and I all shared a car. I have a feeling we are going to be relying a lot on each other this year.

The train seemed empty without the Muggle born students on it. There are so many familiar faces that are gone. Seamus was telling me that he had problems at first because his father is a Muggle, but they decided to let him stay because of his mother's family. This is what Hogwarts has been reduced to- a test of blood to determine if someone is worthy of an education.

There are new professors- the Carrows stand out. They are evil. You can tell just by looking at them. I have a feeling that their classes, DADA and Muggle Studies are going to be very different now...

I want the old days back.

I need a hug.

Why haven't I seen Draco, yet?

~L'elly.

* * *

Bobbie:

Well, I now know why I didn't see Draco earlier.

The children of HIS followers, no matter how lowly, were paraded in and shown off as model students. There was Draco. All the students were asked to show their Dark Marks. Gah. They did. We had some of the youngers start crying. One child fainted. We weren't allowed to take her to the hospital wing. We had to just try to revive her there...the she-Carrow told us we just had to learn to do these things by ourselves. We had to learn to be strong, like the "shining examples standing before us".

Bullshit.

That word is probably going to sum up this entire year. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit.

I had better get used to writing it.

Those of us with known resistance fighters for parents, or those who were in the DA...we were not treated well. The he-Carrow called us out. Told us to come forward and face our superiors. I made sure to plant in front of Draco. Not that it was easy, mind you, but I wanted to show him I was here and not afraid (or at least I wasn't going to break this easily) and, more to the point, I needed to prove that to myself. I was thinking that I kind of wanted to kill the he-Carrow and then run off with Draco and snog the daylights out of him...or just snuggle. I feel like I need a good snuggle. We had to kneel before them. They had to curse us. Crucio, for about ten seconds. It felt like a lifetime. I refused to utter a sound, other than this grunty moan that I couldn't hold back. Pain, I suppose, is something I am going to have to get used to.

My wish-he-was-my-boyfriend just cursed me. I am going to kick his ass when I see him later.

Hogwarts officially sucks this year.

After I got back to my seat...well, we all ate. We were escorted back to our dormitories. I'm sitting here in the dark, writing. We had lights out already. No time for play, it's all studies and sleep, and on their schedule. We're so freakin' screwed. I am thinking of flunking out intentionally, because I don't think I can deal with this crap.

I'll try to sneak in some time to talk to Ginny tomorrow. At least she's in the same boat I'm in- we're the ones who are going to get the shit end of this stick this year.

There's not much we can do, though.

~L'elly.

* * *

**2\. September-**

Bobbie:

So you know how yesterday I had the whole cursed-in-front-of-all-my-classmates thing going on? Today I got a letter from my hexer- in the form of a scroll tied to the bottom of a tea-cozy transfigured into a rat (it's a very pretty tea-cozy, too...it turned back from rat-form after I removed the note). The note asked to meet in a very specific closet. I don't want to meet him. If he is willing to curse me, how far is he willing to go? I have a feeling I am going to cave and meet him there during my free period anyway.

~L'elly.

* * *

Just before food-

Bobbie:

Yep, I caved. I went to the closet and sat and waited for something like twenty minutes. I was going to leave when he slipped in and sat down across from me. He just sat there for a while before coming closer and trying to lean in to touch me. I darted forward and slapped him. Hard. As in, there was a hand-mark on his face. I kind of hope it stays there and he has to try to explain it to Pansy.

"Lewellyn...I can't say I blame you for that, but please, listen to me."

"I don't have to listen to someone who hexes me. You should be glad I didn't rip off your skin."

He tucked his knee up under his chin, "Please...remember when I asked you in the summer if you would still talk to me if I did the worst thing in the world?"

I nodded.

"Just give me a chance-"

"I am talking to you. See? Talking. I did NOT rip off your skin, hence you should feel lucky. Chances are for people who don't hex their best friends and then go and sit, laughing, next to that Pansy whore."

"L'elly, that's not fair."

"Life isn't. This isn't. I know, I know- no choice in the matter, the school's run by Death Eaters, and you'd get your ass kicked if you did anything but what they said. I'm sorry, after a while, you just have to grow a pair and do something that's right, rather than taking the easy path."

He stared at me, those eyes of his just so empty, "You think that was easy? L'elly, that was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but it kept us both safe. Do you realise what would have happened to both of us if I hadn't? Those people- the Carrows- they are willing to do anything to keep students in line this year, including torture- and they can do some very gruesome things to someone while they are still alive. Please, L'elly...I'm just trying to protect you."

"Maybe I don't need your protection."

Draco slid a little closer and reached over to brush my cheek with his fingers, "Wilde, by saying that, you just proved that you do. You don't know what these people are capable of. I do. I lived with them all summer. I'm not going to lose you to them."

I almost snapped back at him. Almost. Then I took the time to really listen to what he was saying and how he was saying it. He looked exhausted, his voice was shaking slightly, and his eyes were so sad...so I just sat there and let him rest his hand on my shoulder. I took his hand. I rearranged how I was sitting and patted the floor next to me. He sat beside me. I fidgeted. He put an arm around my shoulder and flinched when I reached over to take his free hand.

I started crying, "I want the old us back."

"I'm sorry, but this is what we have... I still love you."

"If you curse me again, I'll kick your ass so hard you won't be able to sit down until next Tuesday."

He chuckled, "I am sure you will...and I won't hold it against you, so long as we can meet here after to work through things."

"Why here?"

"It's protected. Don't ask how...just trust me."

I have a feeling I am going to be hearing that phrase a lot this year. I curled up against him and his arms folded around me. I felt safe. Why, I have no idea, but I did. I shouldn't feel safe. He hexed me. Emotions are weird like that.

We kissed before we left. He slipped out first and I waited for a while before also leaving.

Normal people don't fall in love and date by sneaking around, risking death, and meeting in closets.

I suppose I never said I was a normal person, even by a long shot.

~L'elly.

* * *

**3\. September-**

Bobbie:

I had my first "Muggle Studies" class today- I have no idea why I am in this class, but it is suddenly required. It was terrible. It is all lies and fear-mongering to get us to hate Muggles. It's been so many years that I've lived with them that there isn't anything these bitches could say that would make me hate them. This will be a class I am proud to fail.

I walked out.

It felt good. I have a feeling that I'm going to be skipping this class at least once a week. I've already whipped up a few cunning schemes to produce some very convincing illnesses. I know that none of Fred and George's stuff is allowed in the school, but that doesn't mean that I don't have some concealed, nor does it mean that I can't make my own vomit-inducing potion. I'm getting pretty good with the sneak required to do that kind of thing.

Last year, I would have never imagined that this is what Hogwarts would be, nor would I have thought that this would be a way that I was going to deal with it.

Even if this year sucks, at least it won't be boring.

~L'elly.

* * *

**4\. September-**

Bobbie:

I got to be a 'test subject' in Defense Against the Dark Arts today! Exciting! NOT!

DADA isn't about defence anymore, either, it's about learning how to use dark magic. There are some of us who are trying to do our best to fail out of the class, but we're probably just going to end up hexed nearly to death instead. Ooh, fun. I am just screaming. With joy.

I'm writing from the hospital wing, because I ended up with a laceration across my leg after I was slammed into a wall and fell on a shelf in that damned class. I told Mme Pomfrey that she's probably going to be seeing a lot of me this year. Instead of protest, she just quietly agreed and asked that I stay here for a while to recoup, instead of diving back in and probably ending up in worse shape. I have a feeling she and I are going to end up knowing each other pretty well.

I'm going to go and strike up a conversation and see if I can help her get organised while I'm waiting. I need something to do.

~L'elly.

* * *

**5\. September-**

Bobbie:

Everyone is so jittery that Neville slipped me an envelope on the sly in the hallway. It had a page and a galleon coin in it. I'll paste the note in.

_L'elly-_

_This is not a real coin. Don't spend it. When Dumbledore's Army needs to meet, it will vibrate. When it does, go to the third floor and find the Room of Requirement. Tell it that you need to meet with the D.A.. You shouldn't have much of a problem finding us. We're going to need to stick together in order to fight back this year._

_Keep it with you at all times- find a way to hide it so you know when we need to meet._

_Welcome to the underground._

_~Neville._

Wicked. I can so get into this!

~L'elly.

* * *

**6\. September-**

Bobbie:

The D.A. met today. We've got a mission for very early tomorrow morning. I'll write more if it succeeds.

I've charmed the hell out of this book so as to keep it from falling into the wrong hands. Anyone who isn't me who tries to read this will get a VERY nasty surprise, thanks to a little work from Ginny and I.

~L'elly.

* * *

**7\. September (well before sunrise)-**

Bobbie:

We tagged one of the castle walls last night:

"DA- still recruiting!"

Neville says that this will make a lot of waves, especially since there are so many students who know about the D.A. even though they aren't members. Gotta love a school where a secret society is just about as well known as the fact that our former headmaster knitted.

Have to get to sleep- if we look tired, we're going to get our asses all landed in detention.

~L'elly.

* * *

**10\. September-**

Bobbie:

It's pretty late at night- I think it's still the tenth, but we might have crossed over into the eleventh. We were all woken up by something (or someone) screaming. Wherever the sound is coming from, it must be being intentionally amplified into the rest of the castle. There won't be many of us getting much rest tonight.

~L'elly.

* * *

**11\. September-**

Bobbie:

McGonagall pulled me aside today and asked if I knew anything about the D.A. stunt. I told her that I couldn't say, but if I could, does she really think that they would say anything in the open? The Carrows are freaky.

Classes pretty much suck because there is so much influence of the dark arts in everything. Draco is, for once, excelling in most of his classes (at least the ones we share). I really want to find a way to meet up with him again, but I'm not sure quite how to get the message to him without getting caught. He's the master of the sneaky letter. I am the master of eavesdropping.

We've all got our strengths.

~L'elly.

* * *

**12\. September-**

Bobbie:

Kim, Don, and Ben just showed up. I want to go vomit. Too bad that potion is still brewing under the bed (and well hidden).

~L'elly.

* * *

At dinner-

Bobbie:

The fact that I didn't get detention for today yet is utterly astonishing. MonsterChild was saying all this anti-Muggle shit and was talking about Muggle borns by calling them Mud Bloods (dude, he's what, six? -what the heck?), so I told him to shove it and then the she-Carrow came out and decided to commend Kim and Don for doing so well with their younger child. She then said that it was lamentable that I hadn't been raised in the same household and that I had been corrupted by my abominable fathers. I just about lost it, but I kept my cool. I told Ben to sod off when he started giggling. I told Kim that she was a terrible mother and an even worse person and that I never wanted to speak to her again after I was of age. I told Don that he was a spineless git. I told the she-Carrow that I was going to go do as I was supposed to and get my studying done and she could just suck it and talk to Professor Snape if she didn't like it.

Somehow, I'm not being tortured in the dungeons or something, so either she talked to Snape and he told her to stuff it in her pipe and smoke it, or she decided she'd better just let this one drop. Either way, I'm happy.

Off to get some good eats- there are some things on this table that I'd just about tackle a first year for.

~L'elly.

* * *

**14\. September-**

Bobbie:

The D.A. met again today. We're planning a tagging party tonight and we're going to look at doing something dastardly later on. The goal of tonight is to hit the entryway with the phrase:

"Dumbledore's Army- still strong!"

Wish us luck!

~L'elly.

* * *

**15\. September-**

Bobbie:

Sooo...

Today was interesting. Draco nabbed me in the hall and dragged me off- I mean, forceful, like he was going to slam me into a wall or something. Instead, we ended up in a classroom that he charmed silent.

"Lewellyn, I know you are involved in this whole painting the wall stunt somehow and you are going to get yourself killed! Knock it off!"

"Look- somebody's got to speak out against the Dark Lord and it sure as hell isn't going to be you. I've got the balls to do it, I'm going to take my chances. So long as you don't rat me out, I'll be fine."

"No you won't! They're going to find out sooner or later and then what will you do? Beg for mercy? Lie? Whatever it is, you'd better pray that you don't have to find out because you won't make it. These people are evil!"

"I think I've figured that out by now. If you don't mind, I've got a place to be." I stormed out of the room.

He followed, "Don't you walk away from me!"

I yelled back, "Try to tell me what I can and can't do, you twat! Come on, give it your best shot!" By this point, I'd turned around, stopped, and was facing him. I was getting cocky and I LOVED it. Challenge this, bitch. There were a few other people in the hall, but they were trying to skirt us as best they could.

Draco was really angry, "You're going to be sorry! You know that it's coming- you're going to regret this when you're screaming in agony and there's nothing you or anyone else can do to stop it. I'll be there, but you're probably going to be in so much pain that you won't even be able to tell."

I turned, walked away, and hexed him as I did. Nothing too wicked, just a bat-bogey hex.

O.k., so that is pretty wicked. You can tell I've been hanging around Ginny, eh?

At the moment, I don't right well care if he still has his bogeys flying around and attacking his face. Somebody's got to do something about the insanity that is taking over this place. If that has to be me, then by god, I'm going to step up to the plate and do it.

I've got a pair of brass balls.

~L'elly.

* * *

**16\. September-**

Bobbie:

Full moon tonight. I'm spending the time doing homework. Joy.

~L'elly.

* * *

**17\. September-**

Bobbie:

It is past supper and I should be doing homework, but I got a letter today with the old-school Black family crest in a wax seal keeping it closed. Seriously, I thought for a moment that I had done some time travelling or something. Turns out that I'm still in this century and in the right 90s, but Andi's been getting creative. I suppose she figures that anything bearing the old moniker is probably pretty safe from random opening, considering ol' Mrs B would have hexed the crap out of anyone who had peeked at a letter not intended for them...and it would have been instantaneous. She was crazy like that...crazy and kind of resourceful, for a Muggle hating bitch.

The letter was not just from Andi- I got a surprise. I'll just paste.

_L'elly-_

_Hello, dear! As you have probably figured, I am hoping that the family seal will help to keep prying eyes out of your letters. I have enchanted the wax- once the seal is broken, it cannot be re-melted and concealed. You will know, and can report back, if someone has been into your post. I will continue doing this for as long as it keeps this family safe. When it no longer works, I'll think of something else. Don't think I didn't learn a thing or two from my family!_

_Your father dropped by today. He is going to be trying to send me things to enclose to you. This time, he was here to write a note._

_Daughter dearest!_

_I took with me a large stock of potions when I went on the run, so I the full moon went well and I am not terrorising small villages in my wolfish time. I have heard rumours that Hogwarts is not at all like it used to be this year and that things are getting tough. I know you can't really write back to me, but let Andi and Tonks know how you are doing so they can somehow smuggle messages to Ted and I._

_Hang in there, things can only get better._   
_Dad._

_So there you have it, L'elly. We're all thinking about you. I will try to be the post office for you and Remus and I'll try to keep you updated as to the happenings here at home. Stay strong and defiant- I know you don't even need to be reminded of that, it's just a part of what makes you YOU._

_Nymphadora is not feeling well today, or else I am sure she would be writing. She has been hovering close to the bathroom. She will write in our next letter._

_Much love from all of us._   
_Andi._

I'm getting multi-letters! I am so happy to hear that everything is going alright for Dad- I am so worried about him. Every full moon I think about him- last night, I could hardly think about the essays that I was writing or anything else, but I still managed.

I'll write back to Andi later- I have to be careful how I say what because I don't know yet how to keep my letters from being read- hopefully she'll drop me a hint in her next note.

I've had too much on my mind already and we're not even a month into the school year! Gah! How am I ever going to focus on my studies while working in the D.A., dodging the Carrows, worrying about Dad, and fighting with Draco?

Speaking of, I saw the he-Carrow talking to Draco yesterday while I was heading back from the bathroom between classes. Neither of them looked terribly happy. I hope everything is alright, but at the same time, I kind of hope that Draco's at least in a little trouble for the fact that I bested him yesterday. HIS minions can't be made to look foolish by the little weird girl, now can they?

Damned straight, they can- she's got balls of steel. They're just cowardly bullies.

I rock. I'm going to keep telling myself that, too, so I keep some shred of self-confidence through to the end of this year.

Here's to bad-ass Lewellyn giving them all hell.

~L'elly "Rock Star" Lupin-Black.

* * *

**19\. September-**

Bobbie:

I got that letter to Andi/Dad written and sent it out this morning. It was long, cryptic, and kind of difficult to write, but I'm hoping that they'll understand what it is that I am trying to say! I have to hope that Andi gets the hint and tells me how to keep my letters private in her next note!

It's Hermione's birthday today. She's not here to celebrate it. Ginny is requesting cupcakes at the Gryffindor table tonight at dinner. She says that it is likely Winky will be on our side and get them out for us. We need to celebrate something once in a while or else we are going to go mad and no amount of badly recited Mel Brooks jokes in the middle of our classes will help...

There's a story to that, really.

We were in Transfiguration yesterday and everyone was obviously a bit down- I mean, the screams are coming up from the dungeons a little more frequently these days and echoing through the halls. The night before was particularly bad. We were supposed to be transfiguring wooden bowls into other useful wizarding objects. Neville was having troubles making his bowl into his assigned object, so he just gave up and turned it into a very dinged up crown.

Seamus took one look at it and said, "'You know, it's good to be king.'"

A few students got the reference.

Seamus' own transfiguration was going rather poorly and whatever he was trying to make, it ended up oozing and with a tail, so his response was, "'How could this happen? I was so careful. I picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did I go right?'" A few more chuckles, but most people were really just not getting it.

McGonagall just sighed, "You know, 'tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.' Now get back to work before I have to start explaining just what it is you two are quoting to the rest of the class."

We shrugged and got back to our work. I really sucked at it this go around, but then again, I'm not exactly sleeping well at night and I can barely concentrate in class, so it's no wonder that I'm doing absolutely terribly in my classes.

So there's my reason for the Mel Brooks reference. I do have reasons.

Oh, I also got a request from Draco today to meet. He cornered me in the hallway and tried to pretend like he was threatening me when he asked if I could meet him this evening. I told him no. I'm still pissed about him telling me that I couldn't take care of myself. I may not be all tough-ass (read: bully) Death Eater, but I can defend myself and I have every right to be a pain in the ass to the Carrows. They're a pain in my ass, and I'm all for tit-for-tat justice.

Whatever- I'll figure out how to do what I have to and not completely kill him before the end of the year.

~L'elly.

* * *

**21\. September-**

Bobbie:

Draco asked me to meet him AGAIN today. I told him that I would concede if I got to set the terms of the meeting.

We had dodged into a classroom and he was getting impatient, "Fine. What do you want?"

"You mean other than to bind both the he-and-she-Carrow to a stick on a barge and call up the giant squid? This- we meet tomorrow during my free period. If you have to skip class, then you do. We'll use the broom closet, since you say it is already protected. If I find out that it's not and it is being used to spy on me, I'll probably set something on fire...it may or may not be you. The terms of our conversation- no talking about what L'elly should or shouldn't be doing to resist the Carrows. If you can deal with that, I won't ream your ass for not resisting them and for supporting Him. Got it?"

He looked at me, relieved, "Really? I can deal with that. I'll meet you there- it may take me a few minutes to get myself out of class, though."

I handed him a bag, "Here."

"What's this?"

"Contraband...but at least one of them should get you out of class...you just get to pick which to use."

He looked in the bag and realised that he was looking at a cache of Weasley products, "How did you get these into the school?"

"I'm good with charms."

"Yeah...damn. Anyway, I've got to get going- I'll see you tomorrow."

I turned and walked out, waving behind me. I am now in the library, doing some reading in the restricted section on things that would probably make Dad's hair stand on end if he knew his little girl was reading about them. Rare dark magic is something that every good little wizarding girl should know a lot about on the book level so she can figure out how to defend herself against the crazy Carrows.

Back to work.

~L'elly.

* * *

**22\. September-**

Bobbie:

Ok, so you know that meeting that Draco was so anxious to set? Well, we had it, and it wasn't exactly what I was expecting.

I got there before he did and stood there, arms crossed waiting.

He arrived and I started off the talking, "Alright- so what has your knickers in such a twist that you were willing to skip class for it?"

He stepped in to me and didn't say anything. He looked like he was utterly exhausted and completely down about something. He touched my face. I closed my eyes (what? It was nice!). He kissed me. I guess he's tired of this fighting. So am I, but at some point, we do have to talk about this whole hexing each other thing. Really not the most conducive behaviour to a relationship.

After we'd had a bit of a snog, we just held each other for a while.

Then he said something, "That, L'elly, is what I wanted to see you for. I don't want to lose you."

"Then we might want to figure out some boundaries for hexing each other, you know? Because it is going to happen- especially in our Dark Arts class. The he-Carrow likes to have people duke it out in class and I think we're unofficial sparring partners."

"Would you rather go up against Goyle?"

"Do you want Goyle to still be in one piece?"

"Not really, but it is probably best if you didn't dismember him quite yet."

That made me happy, "Hon, if you put me up against him, I'm faster and better at hexing than he is, and he'd end up with limbs in various parts of the castle."

"You do that and Carrow might do the same to you."

"Hence the reason why we should keep each other as partners- we're less likely to kill each other or get ourselves killed."

"Good point."

I can't believe that I just made that kind of deal, but in truth, I really do think it's best that we keep being sparring partners. I'd probably be tempted to remove pieces from the other Death Eater kids (and the class is divided by where we stand in our allegiance to Him) and then who knows what would devious thing would end up meted out as my punishment. Draco'd probably end up eviscerated by Ginny. That girl is getting vicious and Luna's been learning from her- you'd never think that sweet, unassuming Luna would have as wicked a hexing ability as she does.

Back to the broom closet. He stepped back, kissed my cheek, and then asked, "So...how is your family?"

"Well, Dad's on the run, Tonks is with Andi and pregnant, Ted is a little freaked about when he's going to end up on the 'wanted' list of Muggle borns, and Andi is worried about all of us. My family is in shambles and is barely keeping sane- and it's really no surprise. How is yours?"

"Father's trying not to get himself killed and Mother is worried sick about the both of us and trying to dodge crazy Aunt Belatrix. That woman is insane. If He doesn't kill me, she probably will. She threw a party when Dumbledore died...had cake and everything..." He paused and was just looking down at his hands, "God, I don't know how I got through the summer. If I hadn't at least had the hope that you might still be here, I don't know if I would have made it. You don't know what it's like, with Him there...I was afraid for my life just getting out of bed in the morning."

You know, I was hoping we wouldn't end up talking about this again- really, I know it must have been hard for him and all...but it's just so hard to see all that hurt and everything and I feel like my diary should just start getting all soppy when we start going down this road. I always end up writing about how down he is and about how it hurts to see him in pain and how we both end up crying or something and blech, I mean, it's just so girly of me and so sappy and melodramatic when I see it set down in print! If anyone ever reads this, they are going to be all, "Crap, it's another life-at-home-was-hell+angst moment...skipping this section!" Really! I almost don't want to re-read it, but I feel like I have to write everything down at least somewhat accurately and he really is a complete mess- I mean, I'm surprised he didn't go and kill himself over the summer, based on the look on his face whenever he mentions home. He's just so empty and broken for it. If, somehow, I was the reason he kept going, well, I guess I'm doing some good in the world. At the same time, how pathetic is it that he didn't have another reason to hold on?

In response to his above being afraid to get up each day, I said, "Well, we all have to figure out how to deal with what we have- bloom where we are planted, you know?"

"No, I really don't."

Right...maybe he wasn't shitting me, so I went and expanded my philosophy, "You can't always change your situation, so you have to make the best of it and be the best we can be with what we have- sometimes that means just surviving until we can break away and be who we are instead of who we are told we have to be. We're all like plants, you know? We are rooted to where we are at any given moment and we can either grow or wither. The best thing to do is to find a way to bloom. Get it?"

"Yeah. I do. I guess I'm in that survival bit, though I'm not feeling like I'm doing very good at that, either."

I brushed his hair aside, "Honey, you're surviving. That's what matters. You've got a terrible hand dealt to you. Hang in there, alright? This has to end at some point, right? He will fall, you will be free, and you will finally get your chance to get the hell out of dodge."

"If I live that long. He's going to expect me to fight for Him."

"And in the chaos of war, if he can keep track of exactly where every soldier is and what they are doing, then He's a better wizard than I give Him credit for. More likely, you'll find your chance to go AWOL."

"AWOL?"

"Absent without leave...army thing. You really don't watch movies, do you?"

"No."

"You poor, deprived child. Guess what the first thing is we're doing when this is over?"

"Movie night?"

"Muggle indulgence night. Movies, music, the sprinkler dance, pizza, soda, and video games."

He smiled, "You have yourself a deal. It's almost time for lunch- you know that, right?"

I nodded, "Yep- you go ahead and get out of here first. I'll hang back."

We kissed goodbye and he headed out. I'm sitting here writing this. I think it's probably safe to get to lunch.

Cheers!

~L'elly.

* * *

**23\. September-**

Bobbie:

Got a completely unexpected letter today from DON of all people!

_Lewellyn-_

_That is the name you chose, right? I want to get this right. I know you don't want us in your life and I don't blame you. Kim and I were terrible parents to you. I didn't do anything to intervene and that woman is a menace. I'm divorcing her. I'm trying to get Ben, but she's making it very difficult. That boy is messed up enough already. I'd like the opportunity to fix him before it gets too late. It probably already is._

_I want to tell you I'm sorry for all the damage we've done to you, especially for my part in it. I should have done all this a long time ago._

_Don._

Weird, but cool. I'll drop him a line and tell him that I wish him the best with Ben and dealing with Kim. Maybe after Hogwarts, I'll get in touch with him again, just to see if he's changed any and if he's grown a spine.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**25\. September-**

 

Bobbie:

I AM SO BAD-ASS!

Today in Dark Arts, we were doing non-verbal hexes and I so totally disarmed Draco WITHOUT SPEAKING! I was so stoked! I not only disarmed him, but I also used this spell that Ginny taught me (she learned it from Harry)- Levi-Corpus! It totally flips someone up-side down and hangs them by an ankle! It was freakin' awesome! He-Carrow started shouting and all, so I let Draco down (Libra-Corpus!) nicely and all. I don't care that I got points docked from Gryffindor (for, you know, being awesome at the assignment).

I TOTALLY rock!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**26\. September-**

 

Bobbie:

Did a little night magic and tagged the Great Hall with "Harry could kick Carrow ass!" in the clouds. It is time-release spell and will appear tomorrow during lunch.

Makin' waves.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**27\. September-**

 

Bobbie:

Tagging showed up during lunch today and Pansy was shrieking like a three-year old on crack. I kind of wanted to punch her in the face, but I resisted. Still no sign that they have any clue as to who did it.

Te he he!

~L'elly.

 


	14. 1997:  October

**1\. October-**

Bobbie:

It is SO TOTALLY OCTOBER!

We survived the first month of Hogwarts! Whoo hoo!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**4\. October-**

 

Bobbie:

Today is Minerva McGonagall's birthday. After dinner, Neville and Ginny went to get her so she would meet us in Gryffindor tower. The two of them had arranged a party for her and all of us were going to celebrate, whether the he-and-she Carrows liked it or not. We had friends from other houses and other professors joining us and Flitwick managed to acquire a cake for us as well. It was an awesome party.

This is how we are going to get through this year- by celebrating each other and enjoying good company whenever we can. We're going to keep each other happy, damn it!

Gold stars!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**5\. October-**

 

Bobbie:

Today really sucked and I'm back in the hospital wing- and this is not because I did anything to provoke it, either!

Crabbe and Goyle (damned ass-hats!) cornered me today down in the dungeons (what? I like wandering!) and were all taunting me about me knowing where my father is. I told them, over and over, that I don't know where he's off to any more than they do, but they decided they were going to get the 'truth' out of me, one way or another. Instead of using magic, they decided that an old-fashioned beat-down was more their style.

Yep, so I got my ass kicked...though I am sure that Goyle's testicles won't be the same after that kick I gave them. I've got a few broken ribs and my eyebrow is split.

You know what the worst part of this all is? Snape intervened and gave ME detention for it, saying that I instigated a fight. Boo on him. I have a week's worth of time with the *shudder* headmaster. Oh goody. I get to spend the night in the hospital wing, go back to classes with the sots and then I end up in detention with Snape in the evening. This is just lovely.

Bah.

Wish me luck.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**6\. October-**

 

Bobbie:

Detention today was NOT anything like what I expected. My expectations are really getting a run for their money this year. The first thing that Snape did was to make sure the door was closed and then to stand in front of me and tell me the following:

"You are not to tell anyone what you do or do not do in detention. I am doing my best to keep the Carrows satisfied without causing harm to students...so you are taking detention with me. Do not protest- I know you did nothing wrong, but it is expected and I have my own reasons for having you here this week. If you speak of this, next time I will let the Carrows take you. Do you understand?"

I nodded, "Yes, headmaster."

"Good. You will be helping me to reorganise this office. There are expectations as to what changes I will make and, due to your unique relationship with Mr Malfoy, I believe you can understand an unwilling duty. I will also be asking that you learn something from me while you are here."

"And what would that be?"

"A little Occlumency."

I've read about Occlumency- what the heck?

"Why do you want me to learn that?"

"Because you know things that, should He get ahold of you, could destroy what is left of the Order."

Erm, what? Since when is Snape concerned with the Order? I didn't bother arguing. I just took it as something I had to do. I mean, if we practice Occlumency, he's going to see things from my mind, right? So he's going to end up with information he ought not have.

I had better be damned good at this.

I helped him put away some of Dumbledore's things from the office, first. He wasn't discarding anything, just tucking it in well-secured cabinets. I don't know what to think about all this. I mean, he's at least partly evil, right? What is this all about?

He insisted that I stop working at a decent hour and we did a little lesson. Apparently, it's all about tucking away emotions, not showing things, and letting the mind go utterly blank. I did alright, for about the first half of a minute, before I thought something about wishing I could tell Draco about how cool learning Occlumency was, and then he tugged out Draco thoughts and memories. Once he started that, I had to try to not think about not thinking about certain things- that's the hard part, right there. Your first instinct is to think, "Crap! I can't let him find out about blah blah blah!" This, of course, means that it's the next thing you think about and he finds out about. After about the third go, I figured out that I just either had to fixate on the memory he was dredging up (in which case, it just kind of looped), or I could try to figure out how to tune out the same way I do when I go to sleep...that actually worked to start to push back for a little bit. Then I really did doze off and he had to wake me up. He told me that I had done very well and sent me off to bed.

I actually think I may have impressed Snape. Again, I think I am awesome.

Take that, St Potter! Ha!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**7\. October-**

 

Bobbie:

Detention was about the same today- moved more of Dumbledore's stuff, talked to a portrait, and did some more Occlumency lessons. Unfortunately, I felt icky today (my ribs still hurt, even though they're pretty well fixed), so he got a little more memory than I would have liked. I've done pretty well at keeping the thoughts he has access to away from family and the Army. So far, he saw me tagging the clouds, but nothing about how I got to that point. He's also seen a lot of Draco, and I think he kind of already, on some level, knows about how that relationship is going. I figure, if he really wanted to put an end to it and rat us out to Him, he already would have. He's had enough time to do so.

Anyway, did fairly well. He says I am making more progress than Harry ever made. I feel awesome, despite the ribs.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**8\. October-**

 

Bobbie:

Another day, another detention. My ribs are feeling better, today, too. We moved the desk and other things around the office today. I don't mind helping with the office and you can damned well bet that I'm going to keep my mouth shut about it- I'd rather work here with him than take any kind of punishment from the Carrows.

Occlumency went awesome today. I totally locked down and went blank and it was SWEET! Unfortunately, after about three minutes of success, I went and thought about how awesome it was that I was totally rocking at the Occlumency and then I ended up thinking about the lessons and he cracked into those memories. Then I remembered how awesome it was when I was keeping him out and BAM! He was locked out again.

I managed to hold him off, while smiling, for about two more minutes before he stopped trying and then decided to challenge me even more. He decided that we had to try to have a conversation while doing this. Wow. That was HARD. I tried to keep blank and not tune out of the conversation, but I failed at it EPICALLY the first time. I started to get better at it after a few minutes, going blank for a few seconds at a time. I'm starting to get the hang of it. He called our lessons quits and I helped move this awesome cabinet full of little phials before heading back to the dormitory for sleeps.

Good night. I'm exhausted and a little brain-dead.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**9\. October-**

 

Bobbie:

Headed to Dark Arts in a few minutes. I think somebody mentioned that we were going to be sparring today. Oof. I'm going to end up broken again.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Evening-

 

Bobbie:

Well, I was right about the breaking.

I got to Dark Arts and we were paired off to do more non-verbal sparring. The he-Carrow whispered something to Draco and he got pale...more so than usual, that is. He straightened up and I got myself ready to be hit. He cast something. Snape taught me something of deflecting last night (must have gotten some word of what was going to happen today) and I was ready. I managed to deflect the first shot and deliver a shot back...which he deflected. The he-Carrow was standing somewhat behind and to the side of Draco, so he didn't see when Draco mouthed, "I'm sorry" to me. He fired three spells in a row. The first two I managed to bounce off, but he nailed me on my dominant hand with the last one. I switched my wand to the other hand and fired something randomly at Draco as I blacked out. The last thing I saw was him flying across the room.

When I woke up, I was in the hospital wing and Draco was next to me (I'm still here). I had no idea how I got here. Mme Pomfrey was working on Draco and Snape was hovering over me. I tried to sit up and he gently pushed me back down.

"What the hell just happened? Class...he-Carrow whispered...something..." I flopped back into the pillow and that's when I noticed Draco was still unconscious, "What did I hit him with?"

Mme Pomfrey decided it was time for her interjection, "You, Miss Lupin-Black, are lucky to be alive. What it was that Mr Malfoy hit you with, I don't quite know, but it was only because I summoned Professor Snape down here quickly after Miss Lovegood brought you both in, with the help of Miss Weasley, that you are alive. Mr Malfoy, however, has a simpler injury...from what Ms Lovegood has told us, he slammed into the back wall of the classroom as you went down. I believe I have healed his skull fracture, but now we just have to wait."

I looked over at Snape, "And why are you here?"

"Because some curses should not be tampered with by someone who has not cast them, lest they backfire and kill the cursed even faster and more terribly."

"Ah. I'm not going to lose a limb or something, right?"

"No, you will be fine."

"Do I still have to come to detention tonight?"

"I think that, for as long as Mme Pomfrey sees it necessary that you stay under her care, you may forego your duties in detention."

"Thanks. Will Draco wake up?"

Now this question seemed to take Mme Pomfrey by surprise. I mean, she knows Draco and I are close, but I guess maybe she thought that I'd have shunned him by now, what with the hexing and the whole setting up Dumbledore's death bit.

When she recovered and finished situating him on the bed, she replied, "Hopefully he will. I see no reason why he shouldn't. You, however, shouldn't worry yourself with that- let me do my job and you get your rest."

Well, not worrying isn't exactly my strong point, so once Snape had finished his work in the 'keeping Lewellyn alive' area and had gone, I asked Mme Pomfey if we could move the stretchers closer together and she consented. She went back to her desk and I reached over to take Draco's hand. It wasn't long before I fell asleep.

I woke up a few hours later when I heard Draco calling my name. He had woken up while Mme Pomfrey was near and then she, after checking out his wounds again, had gone off to find us food- it was sometime around dinner-ish.

"L'elly- are you alright?"

"Mmmmprffff...you're waking me up."

"Yes."

"Is there coffee?"

"No."

"Then no, not alright. Need coffee."

He sighed, "Come on, Wilde, you know what I mean."

"You mean, 'Hey, L'elly, did that nasty whatever-it-was hex that I totally nailed you with kill you yet, or are you still alive and are you still speaking to me?' The answer to those questions is that yes, I am alive, yes, it did what it was apparently supposed to because Snape said I am lucky to be alive, and yes, I am still speaking to you. The real question is, will you still be speaking to me if I gave you a concussion and all, since Mme Pomfrey did have to fix a pretty big ol' skull fracture that I gave you."

He laughed, "So long as we don't kill each other on accident, I'll still speak to you."

"So would you speak to my ghost?"

"Yes."

"Good. Glad we have that clear. With our track record, we're going to find ourselves like this quite often."

He smiled and squeezed my hand, "You know...the pain is worth it. It's time when we're together and we're able to be honest together."

I have to agree with him. How sad is it that we can only be ourselves in the hospital wing and a broom closet? Our lives kind of suck.

I decided to tell him what was on my mind, "Man, our lives suck- just look at us! We get to be happy in a broom closet and when we beat the shit out of each other. We'd better get a long and happy life together after this crap, because karma owes us, that bitch."

He just started laughing again and I joined him. It felt good to laugh. Laughing is living, you know? It's like Mel Brooks (there he is, again!) said:

"When you laugh, it s an involuntary explosion of the lungs. The lungs need to replenish themselves with oxygen. So you laugh, you breathe, the blood runs, and everything is circulating. If you don t laugh, you'll die.

So that's how I'm still rolling along.

Oh- Mme Pomfrey did bring us dinner and she ate with us and we shared bad jokes and actually had a pretty good time for being two kids falling apart and having a laugh in the sick ward. I should put this pen down and get some sleep- Draco's already snoring and it sounds like a great idea to join him. I hope we don't bring down the walls. It's been a strangely good ending to a shitty day.

Cheers-

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**10\. October-**

 

Bobbie:

Still in the hospital wing with Draco. Mme Pomfrey allowed us to both sit up today and she said we'd be allowed to walk around the ward in the evening if we didn't do anything stupid before then. She's planning on keeping us here over night again. I'm wondering if she's doing it for our physical sake, or if she's keeping us here as long as she possibly can because she thinks it's good for us in other ways.

No matter what, I'm glad for it.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Post-dinner-

 

Bobbie:

We played board games until Mme Pomfrey let us wander, and then we spent about an hour standing at one of the windows, watching the stars and not saying anything. I don't want to get better, in a twisted way, because I like this peaceful time. I wonder how she's kept this place such a sanctuary.

~L'elly

 

* * *

**11\. October-**

 

Bobbie:

Draco was released mid-day. Mme Pomfrey wanted to stagger our releases. Snape has already been by to tell me that I don't have detention tonight, he expects me to be catching up on my studies and sleeping today and tomorrow, but I do have Sunday detention, then I'll be done. I can do that!

I'm just waiting for my release- Mme Pomfrey says it will be probably just before dinner, so I have time to go and get changed and showered before I get to dinner.

Good plan. Showers are awesome.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**12\. October-**

 

Bobbie:

On my way to detention today, I went and told a bunch of particularly chatty first years that I would rather still be in the hospital wing than going to detention and by the time I reached the headmaster's office (I took the long route), Snape had already heard the news. Instead of moving the office (he'd already finished that), we spent the entire time practising Occlumency. The course of our conversation today, turned immediately to the fact that I had mentioned me rathering to be in the hospital wing than here. He asked me if it was true.

"Of course not, Professor, but I've got to keep up your fearsome reputation! We can't have these first years think that I'm getting off light, now, can we?"

We kept talking and he kept referencing different things, trying to trip me up so I'd think things at him. You know how I know I'm getting good? My first reaction isn't to think, "Oops! Can't let him know THAT!", it's to think of either blank, or to make some shit up and feed him false memories. You know what I did when he asked me what I had done the past two days? I totally fed him the music video for "Backstreet's Back", creepy castle and demonic boy band all together (one of the first year students sneaked in Backstreet Boys contraband- we love her).

"Somehow, Miss Lupin-Black, I doubt that you were dancing...with Dracula? yesterday, as I thought you were in the hospital wing."

I just grinned, "Man, you have no idea what goes on in that hospital wing after dark...some pretty gnarly stuff. There was this crazy dude that was either Jekyll and Hyde, or Swamp Thing there, too- he had one bad-ass suit."

It was at this point that Snape relaxed and almost smiled, "You are quite good at this. With time and training, you could be a very good Occlumens. It is too bad that we only have had the past few days."

"So did I totally smoke Potter in the Occlumency department?"

"Indeed."

I did my little celebration, "Yessss!" and he dismissed me, telling me that he didn't want to see me back in his detention again.

Considering he just put up with a full five minutes of boy-band music video, he can't be completely evil, can he? Like, HIS head would explode or something with that much teen-pop, wouldn't it?

Off to sleep- I'm totally whipped.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**13\. October-**

 

Bobbie:

True to form, I'm already plotting something that could earn me detention for the rest of the year. I've written a letter to Fred and George and we'll hopefully have a reprise of their fabulous 'getting-the-heck-out-of-here' stunt very soon.

Ta!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**14\. October-**

 

Bobbie:

DA met today and talked about our next gig. I mentioned my idea. Everyone seemed enthused.

Next tagging- "D.A. forever!"

I've already got me an alibi, too.

~L'elly.

-

* * *

**16\. October-**

 

Bobbie:

Haven't been to bed yet- it is a full moon night. I hope I hear from someone later today.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Much later!

 

Bobbie:

I got a letter today from Andi. Dad had, apparently, found a way to write, because his letter is tucked in with hers. It is on shabby paper and scribbled like he didn't have more than a few minutes to write it.

_L'elly!_

_Andi here- Nymphadora is restless as ever. She wants the baby to come NOW so she can leave the house once in a while. I told her, she only leaves with one of us and she can't go gallivanting off a soon as the child is born. She just wants to run off and find Remus so badly that she's going a bit stir-crazy, not being able to be in the middle of the action. I can say that she and I do have our stubborn ways in common!_

_Your father sent a letter here- no return address, barely an envelope- it looked like he had to write it in a rush. It is pasted below._

_L'elly-_

_I just want to let you know that I am fine. Don't worry. The full moon is tomorrow night and I will be alright. Just hang in there._

_~Dad._

_Just like you, I hope everything is alright with him. I worry about you both. Nymphadora wants to write something._

_Hi! This is Tonks. How are you? Mom has me on a VERY short leash, but I'm doing alright- I just can't wait to see you over the winter holiday!  
_ _Tonks_

_Keep up your studies and keep up your strength- lord knows you are going to need it if all this storm erupts any time soon._

_Love you-_   
_Andi._

Home is still there, no matter what happens here. I'll write back this evening.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**22\. October-**

 

Bobbie:

Haven't seen Draco in a while. I hope he's doing alright, after our bout in the hospital wing.

I have a phial with me...I need to start vomiting after lunch so I have an alibi for tagging tonight. If I take this potion here, I can be spewing (unpleasant, but not as bad as really retching- your stomach doesn't feel quite so icky and the throat doesn't burn- I tested it last night) until this evening, go to bed, sneak out, tag the wall, get back in bed, and then dose myself before breakfast again and keep it up through tomorrow at random intervals. If I am good, I can use it as my excuse as to why I couldn't be involved in the tagging mission.

I'll do just about anything for my revolutionary 'art'.

Bottoms up!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**28\. October-**

 

Bobbie:

Sent Molly a birthday card today, care of Andi. I know she can get it there without risking it being read or confiscated or something. Molly turns 47 on the 30th.

Hallowe'en is coming up- time to go swamping.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**31\. October-**

 

Bobbie:

Well, Neville and I have a plan...the entry way is going to get a bit swampy starting during dinner. Fred and George did it instantly...we've set some time-release spells and I've got a few non-verbals to do during dinner...it's going to be awesome.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Post-dinner-

 

Bobbie:

YES! It worked PERFECTLY! During dinner, we didn't dare do anything like last year- we would have probably been killed for it. We just set of a swamp outside the entry hall so that when everyone left for their dormitories, there was suddenly a swamp there. It wasn't a huge prank, but the folks who had been there for the original swamp episode said that it was a pretty good imitation. That's what we were going for- we don't want to be the Twins, we just want to pay tribute to their ability to make any crappy day a whole lot better.

I raise my glass to you, boys.

~L'elly.

 


	15. 1997:  November

**1\. November-**

Bobbie:

Not good.

The Carrows figure it was a Gryffindor who set off the swamp. Seamus was beaten pretty badly today for information. We're scared, we're not sure how far this interrogation is going to go, and we're trying to figure out how to deal with this. Somehow, the Carrows got it out of someone that the swamp was similar to Fred and George's prank two years ago, so anyone who was here then is under suspicion. Those who were known to associate with Fred, George, Ron, or Ginny are really in deep shit. There are more of us who have been summoned to talk to the he-and-she Carrow later today.

This isn't good.

~L'elly

 

* * *

**2\. November-**

 

Bobbie:

More Gryffindors went in today. There weren't many who were treated as brutally as Seamus. Neville got it bad, though- we're all surprised he's still standing. He came into the common room and Seamus asked if he had told them anything.

Neville looked at Seamus as though he were suddenly a monkey, "Are you mad? Of course I didn't say anything!"

Knowing that he'd endure all that for the cause just makes it more imperative that nobody else squeal like a stuck pig.

I know I won't.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**3\. November-**

 

Bobbie:

Ginny and I went in for our interrogations today. I can barely hold this pen. The DA is holding an emergency meeting tonight.

Wish us luck.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**9\. November-**

 

Bobbie:

Firstly, the DA meeting was to check in on everyone and make sure no one said anything that they knew. We're good, no one ratted us out. Some people have backed down, but there are still some of us who are in this for the long haul, no matter what the consequences are. We can't stand silent.

On a different note, in a few days, I will be seventeen and of-age. I'll be old enough to be entirely free of my parents...and I'm not so sure how I feel about that.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**11\. November-**

 

Bobbie:

I am now legally of-age.

Draco asked to meet today via rat-message (this one was originally a pair of very cute pink fuzzy socks). I consented. We met in the broom closet. Happy birthday, here's some Lysol!

I met him in the closet. He was already there when I arrived, and he looked rather down.

"Hey, Draco."

"Happy birthday, Lewellyn." I walked over and sat down next to him; he put his arm around my shoulders.

"So...you look a little sad. Are you alright?"

"Not really, but that's not something you should worry about. It's your birthday- time for happy things. How has it been so far?"

I sighed and got a bit teary, "I'm finally seventeen...my friends are afraid to throw me a party, thanks to the he-and-she Carrows, my father is on the run, my stepmother is restless and driving Andi crazy, and I'm meeting you in a broom closet...it hasn't exactly been a banner day."

He held me close, "I know...I'm sorry, L'elly. This is your special day...you should be treated like a goddess...and I can't do anything about it. I feel terrible...I wish I could have given you everything you deserve today. I wish...I wish..." His voice trailed off and he squeezed me tight. I did the same back. We both just sat there, clinging to each other.

"Draco?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

He looked exceptionally confused as he sat back and wiped the tears from my cheeks, "For?"

"I think my day is looking up...enough to bring it up from suck."

He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small package, "I know this isn't much, but I thought you would like it..."

I took and opened it- in the brown paper wrapping was a very beautiful, very old book and gasped upon seeing what it was he had found, "Not...much? How did you find...?" The book he had given me was a copy of Blake's "Songs of Innocence and Experience" from waaaaaay back in the day.

Draco smiled, "You like it? It's one of the hand-illuminated copies that Blake engraved...they're very rare, but absolutely beautiful and I think the few that exist are even more amazing than the colours used in the 1839 print run."

I am now the proud owner of a book from the 1790s. I worshipfully opened it and gazed at the engravings, "This is beautiful..."

"I saw it in a resale shop in Diagon Alley this summer- I don't think the seller knew what he had, but I thought you would just love it. The book is in wonderful condition, and it's charmed so it won't be easily destroyed by light or damp."

I carefully placed it back in the wrappings and set it aside with my wand and my vest (I hate that thing- I had taken it off when I first got to the closet), "It is phenomenal..." Draco looked as though he were trying to figure out if he should say something or not as I locked eyes with him and took his hands, "You have something on your mind other than the book."

"Yes."

"Care to share it with me?"

"I don't know...we're both of age, now...I just wish...I wish we could do what I think we would both like to, now that we can."

"You mean run off and all that?"

"Yes."

"Yeah...I wish that, too."

We curled up together, snogged a bit, and I know I fell asleep for a little while. I woke up to his lips kissing my forehead and his voice telling me it was time for us to go.

Yeah. I wish for a lot of things these days. Being able to follow heart and hormones is one of them.

Bah.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**13\. November-**

 

Bobbie:

Wizards have pirate radio. It's pretty sweet. There's this show on there, Potterwatch, that tracks the progress of the Trio and other subversives in the wizard world who are working on bringing down Him. They also cover new laws, announce the names of wizards on the interrogation lists, and sometimes have on guests.

There are now pirate-wizards.

Sweet!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**15\. November-**

 

Bobbie:

Yesterday was the full moon. No letter yet. Worried, as always.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**18\. November-**

 

Bobbie:

Got a letter from Andi today.

_L'elly-_

_No sign yet of your father. I know you are worried. Nymphadora is, too, to say the least. He always shows up, don't worry. The minute he does, I'll make him write to you._

_Keep your chin up._   
_Andi._

Dad, you'd better not be getting into trouble...

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**19\. November-**

 

Bobbie:

Neville got it BAD today- I mean, we're talking about blood and slashing and all kinds of nasty...

You wouldn't think that it would be Neville who would be causing trouble for the good of our cause, but that dude has brass balls. He stood up in Muggle Studies today and asked the she-Carrow how much Muggle blood she and her brother have got in them. The response was instant and violent and I think they were intending to make Neville shriek and sputter out his undying allegiance to them, but all he did was raise his hand to feel his cut and then state that he was going to see Mme Pomfrey. He walked out.

Go Neville.

We're currently on watch for a raid- we heard through the underground that there was going to be a purge of Muggle influence in Gryffindor tower this evening. The first-year who smuggled in the Backstreet Boys came running up to me and begged me to help her hide her stash. Wasn't hard- I've got all kinds of secret pockets in strange places around this room and in my trunk. It helps that I am pretty good with Transfiguration. Let's just say that it's all safely stowed.

I'd better stash the diary- don't want their grubby hands on it, even if it is charmed beyond all belief.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**20\. November-**

 

Bobbie:

Now it's my turn to be on the shit end of the stick. We were in Dark Arts and the he-Carrow starts talking about the noble wizard families, extolling the virtues of the ones that were heavy in the Dark Arts. I knew that the house of Black would end up on that list. I also knew that there would be some Sirius-bashing involved in all this. What I didn't imagine would be how sick and angry I would feel when the he-Carrow got to that point. The vile little beast was just trying to egg me on and he got what he wanted. I spoke out, I told him off, and I ended up practically eviscerated...well, I exaggerate. I have a HUGE slash across my stomach. I was ready to just keep on sitting in class. I wasn't going to let that toad chase me out...but then I passed out. Draco, according to Luna, said he would take care of the problem and proceeded to drag me out of the classroom, but Luna intervened...not sure what she did, but Draco only got me to the edge of the classroom before he had to return to his seat- he couldn't move me. He got me to just by Luna's table and then she took over watching me through class.

I haven't been to Mme Pomfrey yet. I'm not sure if I am going to see her. I guess I just don't see the point- they'll carve me up again next week, when this one isn't even healed.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**24\. November-**

 

Bobbie:

Today is a day for worrying, apparently.

_L'elly-_

_I'm alright. I know I haven't found the chance to see Andi yet. I hope you are faring at least somewhat well. Keep your friends close- you are going to need each other. This year can only get worse before it gets better._

_Hang in there._

It isn't signed. That's Dad's writing, though. I know that script anywhere.

I haven't spoken to Draco since...well, it's been a while.

The wound on my stomach is starting to scab a little. It looks pretty nasty, but I cleaned it fairly well, so I think it'll heal alright.

This school year sucks.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**25\. November-**

 

Bobbie:

The she-Carrow caught me dallying in the hall today. She did something...a silent spell...and reopened the wound. I'm in bed, in the tower alone, bleeding through my bandages.

This sucks.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**26\. November-**

 

Bobbie:

I didn't bother going to classes today- I'm still too sore and I'm oozing blood. Draco sent me a note that was a charmed flying piece of origami. He wants to see me. I replied with a no and then sent it back. I really need to heal more. I can't be going out and about.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Late-

 

Bobbie:

That boy just doesn't give up. I was sitting down in the common room after dinner, having not made it to the Great Hall, when in comes Ginny.

She walked right up to me and planted her hands on her hips, "Can I please just hex him?"

"What?"

She raised her eyebrows, "You don't know? Draco's been hanging around the door, apparently, for the past half hour. He refuses to leave until he's seen you, but he says you turned him down earlier today. Can I make him leave?"

I sighed and tried to sit up, but she stopped me as I replied, "No, don't hex him...I'll go see him."

"You'll do nothing of the sort."

"Fine, then let him in here."

Ginny looked at me like I had grown an extra ear in the middle of my forehead, "Him? In here?"

"Well, if I can't go out there, and he won't leave until he sees me, what is your other option?"

Ginny sighed went to the door, calling out as she opened it, "If you try anything while you are in here, I will hex you so badly you won't be able to sit for a month."

Draco nodded to her and thanked her for letting him in; he walked over to me and handed me a plate, "Here- I brought you a little something from dinner."

I tried to sit up a bit and he helped adjust the pillows under me, "Thanks...ooo! Cobbler..."

He looked at the blood on my bandages (I was wearing a short sleep shirt), "L'elly...you didn't go to see Mme Pomfrey, did you?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I had a feeling that Tuesday was going to happen, ok?"

He looked concerned, "What happened Tuesday?"

"She-Carrow opened the wound again- just did some silent spell and wrenched the skin apart. It hurt like hell. I nearly cried." I began eating as he stared at my stomach.

"Please...promise me that you'll get it looked at."

I forked fruit and gobbled the oh-so-yummy cobbler, "Why should I? It'll just end up opened up again."

"Because if you don't, you are going to end up weak and they are going to take advantage of that. Come on, Wilde, please...go up to the hospital wing tomorrow when you're feeling up to it." He turned to Ginny, who had refused to leave the room, "Will you make sure she goes?"

Ginny crossed her arms over her chest, "And why do you care what she does?"

Draco looked at his hands- it was one of those moments where you could tell he was trying to figure out what to say and how to say it and if he should say it at all, "Can you keep a secret?"

Ginny nodded, "Of course- I wouldn't be here if I couldn't."

He looked at me, "Can I tell her?"

"Yes."

He looked back over at her, "I love Lewellyn. We've been seeing each other since last year, even though we can't make it public...if you say anything, we could both be in terrible danger, so please..."

Ginny took a deep breath, "Well, I wasn't expecting that...but if you think I'm going to say anything, you've got me pegged wrong."

"Thanks, Ginny." I said, smiling and finishing off my smuggled food.

Draco leaned in and kissed my forehead, "I'd better be going- if they notice I'm missing, there is going to be hell to pay."

"Then go- keep safe."

"You too, Wilde." He got up and turned to leave. He paused, faced Ginny, thanked her again, and then walked out.

Ginny sat down on the floor near the couch I was stretched out on, "So...you and he have been seeing each other?"

"Completely in secret. This year has been a lot more difficult, but we're still managing to try to take care of each other."

"Then how come he landed you in the hospital?"

I though for a moment, "Oh, you mean when we both landed each other there? Yeah, that was a mistake. We were kind of forced in to that. We try to be sparring partners because we know that the other would probably end up dead for doing something stupid if we sparred with anyone else- we can at least control a little of what happens if we try to make sure to pair up."

Ginny nodded, "Who else knows?"

"Luna, your mother, Andi, Ted, Tonks, and Dad."

She smiled, "Kept it from the Trio, did you?"

"Are you kidding? Do you know what the boys would say? Hermione might be able to deal with it, but Ron and Harry would totally flip!"

She chuckled, "You're probably right."

She had to go do homework and I had to get some more rest, so she helped me up the stairs to bed and here I am, writing this. I really need to get some sleep- I'm tired, I'm sluggish, I hurt, and I'm still seeping blood.

Ah, Hogwarts. I wish it were better, still.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**27\. November-**

 

Bobbie:

Currently in the hospital wing. Ginny made me come up after she took breakfast and before her first classes. Mme Pomfrey insisted that I stay all day so she could look after me. I'm not going to complain about skipping classes, that's for sure. My stomach is mostly healed, but it still hurts and I am going to have one hell of a wicked scar.

So...in my spare time, I get to conjure up a scar story! I can test it out on Mme Pomfrey.

~L'elly.

 


	16. 1997:  December

**3\. December-**

Bobbie:

Andi wrote to me today. It seems the latest batch of people for interrogation came out with a familiar name on it.

_L'elly-_

_Bad news. Ted's name appeared on the wanted lists. He's on the run. I don't know how his chances stack up, but I can't imagine they'd be very good. Please, keep him in your thoughts. I don't even know what to do, other than to keep calm and try to keep Nymphadora from running out and trying to find him to bodyguard him. She's obviously distraught and she's not dealing with things well, thanks to her hormonal changes and all...pregnancy can be a bit of a hassle._

_Anyway, I'll keep you appraised to what I know. We're all in for a bumpy ride. I will wrie you just before you leave about where you will be spending the winter holiday._

_Andi._

Oy.

Oy.

Crap.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**5\. December-**

 

Bobbie:

Andi wrote to me again today.

_L'elly-_

_Your father was here yesterday. He was just dropping in for a few minutes- he didn't want to risk any kind of harm coming to this house. He didn't have time to write, but he told me that I should tell you that he's doing alright. He looks scruffy as hell, but he looks like he's faring well, despite the lack of a razor. I offered to let him shave while he was here, but I think he likes looking a bit rugged while he's on the run so he can at least look a little different and less recognisable._

_I hope you are faring alright yourself. I have been hearing horror stories from parents about their children being injured at school and they are terrified to speak out against V. because of it. Don't worry about us- we may not be able to speak out here, but we support any rebellion you incite where you are- it sounds like Hogwarts needs its resistance force._

_Love and luck-_   
_Andi._

Oh, don't worry about our revolution, Andi- I'm definately going to be keeping the rebellion alive and the Army is still going strong. Speaking of, we have a meeting tomorrow during the day in honour of Hagrid's birthday. Were he around, he would be 69. We don't know where he went, but we hope he's doing alright.

Here's a glass-

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**13\. December-**

 

Bobbie:

It's been a long time since I've seen Draco and an even longer time since I've seen Dad. It is a full moon tonight. I miss him. I really really miss him. I am scared as all hell, too. Dad is tough- he's lived a lot of his life alone, coping with things he shouldn't have had to deal with at all. I have no doubt that he's able to fare well on his own. Now Ted's on the run. I've got two amazing family members who are out in the middle of nowhere, living in fear of being caught by the roving bands of Death Eater hunters. I am terrified of what happens when those hunters catch the people they are seeking.

I don't want to lose either of them. I know that I barley know Ted, but he's been amazing and I don't want to see anything happen to him. I know I don't want to see Andi or Tonks having to deal with what might happen to him. Why is life so crazy sometimes? I wish that it would go away. I wish that none of this had happened and I wish that, whatever Harry, Ron, and Hermione are up to, they would do it faster so this would end sooner and we could be rid of HIM. I miss Dad. If anything happens to Dad, what will happen to me? I think that, since I am of-age, I am on my own, but I don't have any money or a place to stay or anything! Harry has inherited the Black home because Papa was stupid and didn't update his will and I have no place to go other than to Andi's. I don't know if I could adjust to living there without Dad. Tonks isn't a legal parent, Andi and Ted aren't actually related...and I'd like to some day set out on my own.

I just don't know what I'd be ready to do if suddenly I had to fare entirely for myself. I can do a lot on my own- I know I can, but if Dad were to die...god, I hate seeing that in print, but if he were to, I don't know how much of my reason would be intact to guide me through my grief.

I just hope I don't have to find that out.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**16\. December-**

 

Bobbie:

I got another letter. Still no news from Draco. I haven't heard from Dad, either.

_L'elly-_

_I've made an arrangement for your holiday visit. To keep you safe, you will be starting out on your trek with Neville. His grandmother, Augusta has agreed to let you stay the weekend with her. You are heading home with them, instead of with the Weasley's for the safety of both you and they. We don't want the Death Eaters to think that you are someone they can bully in order to control Ronald, wherever he is. I talked to Molly and Arthur about this, and we came to this decision. I think you will be happy staying with Augusta and Neville for the weekend._

_On Monday (22nd), you will be travelling with Arthur for the Burrow in the evening. You will arrive there on the next day. In the evening on the 24th, I will be picking you up from the Burrow and bringing you to our home and we will arrive late on Christmas Eve (possibly very early on Christmas morning). You will be then staying here for the rest of the break until we meet Neville at King's Cross and you enter Platform 9 3/4 with him._

_I know this is all very formal, but just be ready to move on the days indicated and it should all go smoothly. We need to keep you safe and we know that Augusta is more than capable of protecting you for the first weekend, should anyone decide to follow you to try to reach your father._

_I hope you have at least something happy to look forward to at the end of this week- perhaps a special rendezvous with your young man? There has to be something positive for you at the end of this week, and I hope you find a reason to be joyful, despite all the rough times you are facing while at school._

_I am lookng forward to seeing you soon!_   
_~Andi._

Hell, yes there is something to look forward to- not being around the damned Carrows and their ilk! No more risking detention by standing up for what I feel is right, no more painful punishments, and time to hang out with Neville without having to not say things because of who might be hanging around...and then there's time with Ginny once we get to the Burrow and then I get to spend time with Tonks and Andi for the weeks after! Yay, not being here!

Anyway, I'm supposed to be doing some homework for (anti)Muggle Studies about why Muggles are irresponsible and should be exterminated based on the fact that they are terrible stewards of their environment and built cars, or some such nonsense. I think I'm going to write the whole thing in limerick.

Cheers!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**17\. December-**

 

Bobbie:

I've got "heart troubles" (like Gene Kelly did in "Take Me Out to the Ballgame"). I really miss (and am worried about) Draco. I haven't talked to him in nearly a month. I see him in classes, but he is distracted and distant. I wonder if he is under a lot of pressure from home and from HIM. I just wish I could see him once more before we head off to break, just so I know he's alright.

I've got the blues...they call it stormy Monday, you know? And man, Wednesday is worse. Somebody send my baby on home to me.

Gah.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**18\. December-**

 

Bobbie:

I just love it when things work out, at least a little. Remember yesterday, my Gene-and-blues moment? Well, I got a note today that flew in my window- it looked like a sparrow until it turned back to a note and plopped on my desk. We are meeting in the broom closet in an hour.

Whee hee!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Later- just after classes-

 

Bobbie:

We met in the broom closet, as planned, and snogged for a bit before we got to talking. He felt badly that he didn't have a Christmas gift for me, but I felt the same about not having one for him. We hugged and decided that the time we had been able to sneak today was gift enough, since we had been incapable of seeing each other more often.

Then I asked him the question, "So...why haven't we been able to see each other for the past month? Is everything alright?"

"Not really, L'elly. We've been trying to do everything to keep Him happy and it isn't working. Apparently, Potter, Weasley, and Granger are looking for something that is worrying Him and He's taking it all out on us. I am not looking forward to being back at the Manor over the holiday. I just want to be here...if you can imagine wanting to stay here instead of going home."

I shook my head, "I can't- as sad as it is, going home and not having Dad or Ted there, it's still home and I still have Andi. It's going to be a small holiday party this year, but we're still going to make it fun, somehow. I really wish you could be there. I mean, it would be amazing to be able to celebrate together."

"Maybe we can do that when this is all over- we can celebrate holidays together."

I nodded, "Yeah! That would be great! I wonder if your parents would ever talk to Andi- I mean, I know she's not exactly a favourite in her family, due to her marrying Ted, but maybe?"

"Maybe. We'll have to see. That first Christmas, though, we should throw a huge party for everyone who makes it through. It would be fun."

I snuggled up to him, "It would be awesome." I paused, "Do you have anything to look forward to at home?"

He sighed, "Not really- I mean, it is nice having Father back, but I have to deal with crazy Aunt Bella, so it kind of zaps the fun out of anything and everything, having her around. I'd rather wrestle a badger, naked, than spend time with her."

"Interesting metaphor, dear...naked, you say? Oooo!"

He just looked at me and laughed, "Wilde, I never thought I'd hear that come out of your mouth!"

"Why not? I'm seventeen and we've been snogging all school year. Why shouldn't I want to take a peek?"

He smiled, "True, true...well, maybe one of these days we'll have a shirtless Saturday or something...make something a little more...well, you know..."

I walked my fingers up his chest, "Why not now?"

I bet you can see where this is going, "Now?"

"Yeah. Now. As in, off with the vest, I'm going to start unbuttoning."

"Can I unbutton, too?"

I grinned, "Of course!"

So shirtless Saturday was bumped up to a topless Thursday and we snogged and touched and snuggled and...yeah. Skin on skin is a fabulous feeling, even when the bra is still involved.

We noticed it was getting late and, if we hurried, we could still make dinner. We re-clothed and I dodged out first this time. I did see him later, in the Great Hall, so he didn't miss food. When he got there, the Pansy-wench was all where-were-you-I-was-so-worried and I just wanted to vomit as she brushed her hands through his hair. He would have had to be stupid to not notice the fact that I was rather avoiding him as we left the Great Hall and we ended up walking side-by-side before parting ways to head to our houses. She was being all sappy...and I totally gagged. She's just so...disgustingly cutesy and entirely evil.

Anyway, I have to get packing- headed out tomorrow to the home of Augusta Longbottom!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**20\. December-**

 

Bobbie:

I'm at the Longbottom house- last night we were too worked up to write anything. Luna was taken from right off the train, in our car. The Death Eaters came in and dragged her out, kicking and screaming. I suppose they want her father to stop publishing all the pro-Potter stuff he writes in the Quibbler. This is not good, though. I made sure that we got Luna's things off the train and took them with us. Augusta says that she is going to contact her father and let him know that she has her trunk and all so he doesn't worry about things being stolen in addition to the worries about his daughter being kidnapped off the train. I hope she's alright.

Augusta is strict, and a bit fierce, but she's not a terrible person or anything. I can understand why Neville would be a bit afraid of her- he's much less battle-hardened than she is and I guess losing your child's sanity to Bellatrix's torture has got to take its toll on her. Apparently, she still does visit them in St Mungo's, as does Neville. He had some fairly random objects taped to the edges of his mirror and I asked what they were. He told me they were the little things his parents had given him while he visited them. He told me that they were like very small children, stuck in grown-up bodies, and they thought they were gifting him with wonderful things, even though his gran said they were sometimes just rubbish. I really feel sorry for Neville, but at the same time, he's one of the few people who can understand what it is like to no longer have a parent there to guide you in your every day life. His family is a little mussed up, too, and that's alright.

I'll write more later- we're going to go play some Exploding Snap and then eat supper.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**23\. December-**

 

Bobbie:

Arrived at the Burrow with Arthur about a half an hour ago and Molly has already recruited me for cookie baking duty with Ginny so we can decorate sugar cookies tomorrow before I have to go with Andi. I'm excited. I love being here and I wish we could have more time together, but I figure that is why Molly is delegating the task to Ginny and I- we get the time together to talk and say the things we can't at school, between interruptions by the twins. I love this place and I love Molly.

Cheers!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**24\. December-**

 

Bobbie:

The twins insisted on decorating their cookies with so many sprinkles that I'm not sure if there is more cookie or sugar to the confections they created. We are munching and playing games and joking around while we wait for Andi. My things are all packed, ready to go, and all I have left to do is actually get out the door.

There is one thing you never do here, and that is leave hungry or ill prepared in any way.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**25\. December-**

 

Bobbie:

Tonks, Andi, and I decided that we were going to spend the day at home, playing games and being relaxed, instead of trying to do a huge dinner or anything. We've been eating mostly junk food, so far, but I do know that Andi has a few things in the oven that she wants to bring out when the time is right, and she's got a dozen or so pies floating around that she's baked in the past few weeks so we'd be able to have desert with (or for) every meal. It's going to be fun!

So far, we've played some pretty terrible rounds of Wizard's Chess, and now we are going to have some drinks and pie and talk about how we want to spoil the baby utterly rotten within the first few months of its little life.

Happy Christmas, all!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**28\. December-**

 

Bobbie:

Dad dropped by today! Yay! He could only stay for a few hours, but we spent the entire time sharing stories about what had happened this semester and what crazy things were happening in the world out there. I miss him, I really super do, and I hope that we are able to end this whole running around thing soon.

Dad asked me about Draco and if he'd said anything, so I told him that Draco had said his life was a living hell, that He was living with the Malfoy family, and that Draco dreaded his crazy Aunt Bellatrix and didn't want to go home because of them being there. He's miserable. Dad said that is probably a good sign- if he's miserable, he has to be doing something right that means he's not completely evil or turned over to the Dark Side of the Force, or whatnot. I guess he has a point. I just know that he's my friend, and that means he can't be completely wicked, unless he's feeding HIM information about me and all, and then I'm going to have to kick his ass from here to China (and you so totally know I could).

I choose to believe that he's not crazy evil.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**31\. December-**

 

Bobbie:

A new year starts tonight. Hopefully it will be a hell of a lot better than the last one, but I doubt it. Maybe we will finally see the end of Him.

My resolution:

I resolve to be a royal pain in the ass to HIM and to the Death Eaters. I resolve to be the best friend I can to Draco and to bring him through whatever he has to deal with.  
I resolve to somehow not go completely insane.

Seems like a good set of goals, right?

Anyway, we have our party tonight and we're going over to the Burrow to celebrate with the Weasley family. We're bringing some extra pie with us. This should be fun- I love parties with Fred and George- they're amazingly hilarious and I think more good laughs are fully in order these days!

Off to a blast!

~L'elly.

 


	17. 1998:  January

**1\. January-**

Bobbie:

I'm worried about Luna. No one has heard from her since she was snatched from the train. According to Andi's sources (which include Augusta and Molly and a whole load of other people), it was most definitely because her father was publishing pro-Potter pieces in the Quibbler.

It is 1998. Welcome to the year of impending doom.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**4\. January-**

 

Bobbie:

I'm on the Hogwarts Express. Ginny, Neville, and I have our own car. We are all dreading the return to classes. Ginny almost wasn't permitted to come back, but she convinced her parents that whatever Ron was doing was far more dangerous than Hogwarts and here she is. I was dropped off in London at the British Museum and met Neville near the Rosetta Stone. From there, we walked to King's Cross. I know we could have ridden the Tube from Russel Square up to the station, but it just seemed a better idea to walk, staying out in the open. With both of us being a bit wanted, we'd rather just take the time to be in the air. Neither of us were packing very much this go around- I left my trunk home and was bringing only a duffel bag that I could keep with me on the train and Neville had strapped his trunk to a small suit-case dolly and we were pretty inconspicuous. Heaven knows we didn't bring our pets back. The Carrows would probably skewer them if we had.

Anyway, the trolly's coming around and we're all feeling a bit like chocolate is the order of the hour- Dad sure got that right.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**5\. January-**

 

Bobbie:

Dinner last night was rather blah and today we resumed torture...I mean, classes. I did manage to see Draco at the Slytherin table and the Pansy-whore was draping herself all over him. I hate to say it, but I am jealous as a gal can be, and if I could fight her in the halls, I would knock her teeth out.

Alas.

I have to go do homework. The hellspawn assigned a ton of it.

Bah.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**7\. January-**

 

Bobbie:

Why can't she just leave me ALONE?

_Jane._

_I expect you will get good marks this semester. I have requested of Headmaster Snape that he forward me your grades from the winter term so I can keep track of your progress. It really isn't good form not to let your own mother know how you are doing in school. Keep up your grades- Ben looks up to his older sister and I expect that you will finish your fully-rounded education this year. You are so lucky to have a different perspective from some new teachers this year. I hear they come very highly recommended._

_Mom._

1- Kim, you are not 'mom', by any stretch of the word  
2- Snape is going to be hearing from me about this  
3- Highly recommended? By who? The Inquisition?

This woman has some serious issues.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Evening-

 

Bobbie:

I went up to the Headmaster's office after dinner and he was surprisingly pleasant (for Snape, you know...doesn't take much, just a lighter version of the sneer). I told him what Kim had said and he mentioned that yes, he had received a letter from her, and no, he did not intend to honour her request and had already drafted a reply letter stating his reasons. He let me read the letter, which was full of really good logic and snark. I thanked him and then left him to his business. He may not be 100% evil, but he's still kind of creepy- I mean, he did kill Dumbledore and he's been a bastard to some of the best students here. Maybe he's only something like 80% evil.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**10\. January-**

 

Bobbie:

I met Draco in the broom closet after dinner. He actually called the meeting via a walking piece of silverware with a note etched on the stem of it. I now have a spoon with my name on it that says, "Let's get closeted post haste" etched on the reverse side. I'm not sure what I am going to do with it yet- probably turn it into a ring or something- I can take off the handle with the message on it and turn it into a ring and the bowl with my name on it can become a badge or necklace or something. I'll think of some amazing project for it.

So we get to the closet and we didn't snog, for once, but we did just hold each other for a very long time. He was close to crying (god, his life is so screwed up). He asked me if I could keep a secret. I told him that of course, I could. I've been keeping them up until now, why would that change?

"Because of the nature of the secret, L'elly. You might not be able to keep this one quite so easily."

"Draco, I promise. You and I are depending on each other to stay alive right now- that means we keep our lips zipped. What do you need to tell me?"

He sat back, "Please don't hate me, but I can't let her go- Luna's at the Manor. She's in the basement...she's not by herself, though. Ollivander is with her. They're prisoners there. I can't do anything for them or else He'll kill me."

I took both his hands, "They're alive. That's the important thing right now. We know they're both alive...I mean, I don't know if Dad and Ted even are. It is so good to know that Luna is still alive. She's one of the few friends I have here who actually understands life, you know? She, Neville, Ginny, and you...that's who I have."

"So you're not angry with me?"

"Good lord, no."

He sighed this huge, deflating sigh, "I was so scared you were going to be."

I hugged him, "We're in sucky times, Draco- we can't stay mad at the few allies we have." I paused, "But I can be mad at Kim- the bitch sent me a letter about wanting to get Snape to send her my grades. I talked to him and he said he had no intention of actually sending her anything of the sort and he showed me the letter he'd drafted to send in reply, so I hope he follows through."

"He will- he's not entirely evil, you know."

"80%?"

"Considerably less. Anyway, Kim has no legal right to you- you're of-age now. Kim is a terrible person and that child of hers is insane. I mean, even I wasn't that wicked as a kid. Mother at least made sure I knew what manners were."

"How do you know Kim and Ben?"

"You don't know? She's a Death-Eater supporter. I suppose she's the leader of what would be like the Death Eater's auxiliary- you know, she brings the snacks."

"Death Eaters have meetings with snacks?"

"Yes."

"Dude, that is so...you mean to say that the most powerful evil in the wizard world has meetings with brownies?"

"Yes. Sometimes cookies."

"Wow. I mean...how do I even reply to that?"

"You don't really. It's too funny to even think up some serious reply for."

I just started giggling and soon he was laughing with me.

When we stopped laughing, he turned to me, "Love, who your parents are shouldn't matter to anyone. Your egg-donor is a Death Eater cheerleader with a hellbeast for a son. Your sperm-donor is kind of spineless. Your fathers are wonderful men, one whom died far too young and the other who has aged too fast and is now on the run. No matter what, they are your family and they are who matters. This whole blood purity nonsense doesn't matter. Even if it does matter to Him, it doesn't matter to me and I hope you know that."

I hugged him and thanked him and then kissed him. He had to leave before too long. I was left with a really funny picture in my mind of Him sitting around a table with His followers, Kim running around passing out napkins and little milk cartons while everyone grabbed for the plate of cookies at the middle of the table.

Seriously? It's like Death Eater pre-school.

~L'elly

 

* * *

**12\. January-**

 

Bobbie:

Full moon tonight. I'm hiding in a nook near the Headmaster's office- it is a very narrow, thick window. I can sit in it fully if I tuck up my knees.

Someone is coming.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Five minutes later-

 

Bobbie:

So...I hear someone coming, right? Then I hear that voice...Snape. Unmistakably Snape.

"Mr Carrow...I trust you have a reason to be patrolling my hallway this late?"

"Got word of a student out of bed...thought maybe it would be up here."

"No. I would suggest that you leave my hallway to me...you would not want me to report to the Dark Lord that you were spying on me."

"No...sir..."

"Good. We have an understanding. Leave."

Footsteps went away. Other footsteps came closer.

He found me, "Miss Lupin-Black. I thought so. Might I suggest that you not return to your dormitory for a few hours until Mr Carrow is off his patrolling duty?"

"That's what I was planning, sir. Aren't you going to punish me for being out late?"

"Is that what you would prefer?"

"Dude, obviously not! I just thought it was a bit weird for you not to."

"I am in a particularly fair mood at present, miss. I would not push your luck."

"Roger that. I'll wait."

He walked off.

Strange, right? Maybe he's only 60% evil.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**16\. January-**

 

Bobbie:

The DA has been too quiet. I tagged the snow last night- just a phrase, dyed onto the white.

"You say you want a Revolution?"

We'll see what happens.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**17\. January-**

 

Bobbie:

The DA met today. Mass tagging of the snow on the 20th. My idea was awesome and inspiring, apparently.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**25\. January-**

 

Bobbie:

The tagging was successful, but the Carrows are cracking down. Neville and Seamus were made 'examples' of during dinner on the 21st through the 23rd. They were not permitted to eat and the other students were encouraged to throw their food at them during the meal. Other food fighting got the perpetrator stood up beside Neville and Seamus. I feel terrible. This was my idea.

Neville did talk to me in the hall, though, earlier today. He said that he and Seamus are glad to take the heat for the group, so long as the Army needs them to.

Really, is that what we are going to do? I suppose it is better than ratting each other out, but I really wish that it hadn't come to this in the first place.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**29\. January-**

 

Bobbie:

There were names in the Prophet today of people who had been on the run and were caught and killed. God, I know that Ted is going to be on that list some day...I just know it. I have this awful feeling that there are going to be a lot of people I know who end up dead, including him, and possibly even Dad. I hope I'm not one of them, but I keep feeling like I'm going to survive, alone.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Eleven at night-

 

Bobbie:

So, after writing that, I went and hid in the Owlry. I wrote Draco a letter and had a non-descript owl send it to his dormitory. An hour later, he showed up and we snuggled in the Owlry and I cried and we just sat there and listened to the birds for a while before heading back to wherever we both head back to.

Life is so much more complicated than it should be.

~L'elly.

 


	18. 1998:  February

**8\. February-**

Bobbie:

Life is getting weirder. I heard the wizard pirate radio station today. There was a very very familiar voice now part of the broadcast team. River's been hosting a programme on it for a while, trying to keep people informed- I have a wireless that I brought in transfigured as a pair of socks and there is a password to access each show. It is amazing. I heard Rapier and Romulus today...and I think I can identify both of them...well, one of them could be two people, but it's close, either way. I will tune in again...if Romulus really is Dad, then I have a link to him through his disembodied radio voice and I really need that right now.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**11\. February-**

 

Bobbie:

I got a letter from Dad today.

_L'elly-_

_I can't write much, but I wanted to say that I am safe and you should be listening to Potterwatch. I hope to see you over your Easter break._

_Stay strong._   
_Dad._

I want this to end NOW. I am ready for it to end. I need it to end. I don't care, really, what they do to me at this point. I am just so sick of all this hiding.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**12\. February-**

 

Bobbie:

Dark Arts class- the he-Carrow decided I was going to be his demonstration victim (ever notice how the word is DEMONstration? It's evil!). I am so sick of this shit. I deflected his hex and nearly hit Millicent Bullstrode. I then counter-hexed him. Then I left him Levi-Corpus-ed to the ceiling and walked out. I don't care anymore what happens to me. This has got to end.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**13\. February-**

 

Bobbie:

Leave it to a Friday with this date to be a crappy day.

After dinner, on my way back to the dormitory, the she-Carrow caught me. She dragged me by the hair to a classroom and didn't shut the door. Then she cackled.

"Well, well...hexing my brother, are we? We'll just have to have to punish the naughty little girl for disrespecting her teacher!"

I glowered at her. You can damned well bet that I'm not going to respond to her. She just wants to see me riled up and afraid.

She pointed to a chair, "Sit!"

I didn't. She made me. She bound me to the chair. Then she laughed like the evil bitch she is and played with my hair, before pulling out her wand and slowly shaving it away.

Yep, that's right, I'm bald now. Bitch didn't even do an even job of it- I had to have help with that later on.

Anyway, while she's doing this, she seems to forget that she's got the door open and we're in plain view of a few of the other students, mostly from Slytherin. The Pansy-whore was in the front and giggling. Crabbe and Goyle were making faces and taunting.

After the she-Carrow finished, she looked up, "You lot! Clear off!" They did. Then she noticed that not everyone was gone and I was glaring at someone still in the doorway, "Ah, Mr Malfoy! Come in."

He was hesitant to step in- just a half-second stammer in his step. I noticed it. She-Carrow did not. She-Carrow slapped me across my bare scalp that she had nicked dozens of times and was patchy and bleeding.

She-Carrow headed to the door, "I'll leave this one to you- I'm sure you've got plenty of uses for a bound-up girl in that evil little mind of yours. I'll even shut the door for you so you an act on all those dirty little teenage fantasies. Have fun, children. Don't forget to not play nice."

Snape's evil measure is on the rise for the fact that he hasn't just hexed the Carrows out of existence yet (80% evil).

The door closed. Draco pulled out his wand and cast a few charms, including this weird bubble around us. He stepped up to the chair, untied the ropes, knelt at my feet, and placed his head on my knees.

As he bent over, he spoke, "Lewellyn, I am so sorry."

"It's not your fault. Can we get out of here, though? Make up some story about needing better ambience and jetting off to our closet or someplace safe?"

He nodded. He removed the charms and did exactly as I said, and I played the resistant victim in a BAFTA worthy performance- you hear that, film guilds? Give me a little statuette for my troubles. It's the least you could do.

Once we were in the closet, he cleaned my nicks and cuts, healed what he could, and very carefully evened out the patchy shave-job the she-Carrow had pulled off. He then cradled me close and we both cried.

Eventually, I composed myself just enough to try to converse, "Can I ask a huge and kind of weird favour of you?"

"Anything."

"Will you tattoo the date, 13.2.98, at the base of my skull?"

"What?"

I sighed, "This isn't just for the she-Carrow shaving my head. She's finally made my outside look as broken as my inside feels and I want those numbers very very small on the outside, too. I've got a pin and some ink. That's all it takes. So long as you have a steady hand, it shouldn't take too long."

Draco wiped my tears and his own, "I don't think I can do that, L'elly- I mean, I've never done it before and I don't think I can hurt you like that."

I sighed, "Honey, either you do it, or I try to do it myself and you know that's not going to end well."

He did it. I gave him the means by which to do it and I talked him through each number. We were both crying the entire time. After, he used a pair of mirrors to show me his work and he did very well. We held each other again for a long time- until we were both calm enough to leave. He headed out first. I'm still here. I have been for the past hour. I think I am going to sleep here tonight.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**14\. February-**

 

Bobbie:

Happy fucking Valentines Day.

I really really really hate my life sometimes. I slept in a closet. I sneaked out to find food and to shower and change. Now I am back in the closet.

Story of my life...

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Evening-

 

Bobbie:

So today was bad, too. I was coming back here after dinner when the goon squad of Crabbe and Goyle showed up and decided to take matters into their own hands. I'm a mess- black eye, bleeding lip, probably more cracked ribs...it's terrible. I finally decided that while I am already in excruciating pain, I might as well pierce my own ears. I did it. There is a safety pin shoved through each lobe (oh, the irony!). I also decided to tattoo something in memory of this day on my body. I took out my pins and ink and tattooed an heart under my right eye, directly over the swelling. When the bruising goes down, I will have a little black heart just off to the corner of my eye.

I'm sleeping in the closet again tonight. I am not going back out in those halls- it just isn't safe.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**15\. February-**

 

Bobbie:

So...I slept in the closet (again), and finally got caught. Snape found me as I was dodging out to use the bathroom. I really had to go, so I promised him I'd be right back and we could deal with this after a very needed pee. I was fool enough to return, but he didn't skewer me (75% evil). He then asked why I was sleeping in the closet and what the hell had happened to my hair. I explained with as few expletives as possible. He didn't interrupt. After, he just stood there, absorbing it all. He chose his words very carefully.

"That...is very, very unfortunate. I would recommend you try to sleep in your dormitory tonight...and find a very warm hat. Is there anyone I can call on, to escort you back?"

(70% evil)

"Can you get Draco now and Ginny in an hour and a half?"

He nodded and swished off (60% evil?). I went back in the closet.

Draco knocked, said our password, thanked Snape, then entered, "Headmaster Snape told me you were sleeping here and that you needed to see me."

"He's not going to listen in or raid our hiding place, is he?"

"No...he's actually the reason we have the closet. Our secret is safe with him. He swore to it. What do you need, L'elly?" (45% evil)

"Ginny will be here in just under an hour and a half to help me back to my dormitory. I'll be waiting in the hall for her...until then, I need to talk to you. I need to know this will end this year. I need to hear from you, with all your insider information, that one way or another, we're going to come to a fight and winner takes all."

"I could be killed for telling you that."

"And I could be killed for the fact that Dad is out there in hiding and I lived with the Order. So? We're likely to both die anyway. Your point is?"

"Wilde, please don't talk like that."

"It's truth. Truth sucks sometimes. Deal with it."

"Fine. There will be a fight. I don't know exactly when. Bella was saying something about it being on a fire festival."

I paused, "Samhain, Yule, Imbolc, Beltaine- we just passed one. Three down."

"They all happen this year?"

"Yep."

"This school year? Because that's when I think she meant."

"Then you've got Beltaine. First or second of May."

He looked sad, "That far away? How are we going to make it til then?"

"Same way we've been making it so far. Grit."

He took both my hands, "Love...look at yourself. You're bruised, you should be in the hospital wing, and you've been shorn...and this is probably just the start..."

I shrugged, "I would like to demand that this all end NOW. That you do something to accelerate his plans, but I know that's not going to happen unless the Trio does something that spurs him on." I paused long and searched his face. I wanted to take in every detail of emotion that was flickering across it. He's gotten very good at hiding so much and you can tell that sometimes he has a hard time turning that bit off, "Draco, am I still attractive to you, even with the lack of hair?"

He was a bit taken aback by this, "Lewellyn! Of course you are...you're absolutely gorgeous." He touched my cheek, I closed my eyes, he kissed me, I returned...a few minutes later, we got the sense to part and all. We just snuggled for the rest of our time and then he and I exited the room at the same time to find Snape in the hall, waiting for Ginny. He gave Draco a curt nod as he left and then waited with me until Ginny showed up, clearly distrusting Snape, and ushered me off to the hospital wing, where I sit while I write this. Apparently Snape gave her instructions that I was to go there first, then to my dormitory only after Mme Pomfrey had given the go-ahead (35% evil).

Snape's seeming a little less evil every day... What the hell is going on with that man?

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**18\. February-**

 

Bobbie:

Mme Pomfrey let me out this morning and sent me back up to the dormitory. I didn't want to go and I asked her if I could just live with her, but she told me no. Damn. Ginny met me and helped me get back up to my bed and I crashed and went to sleep for an hour or two, until the first year who's Backstreet Boys stuff I had hidden earlier in the year came in with an envelope.

"El? I found this taped to the wall next to the portrait of the fat lady- it's got your name on it."

I took it from her and thanked her. She bounced out, humming. She's a cute kid- I hope she makes it through this year. I think her name is Kendall, but we all call her Kenni. She's got a good heart.

So here's the letter that was in the rather thick envelope that was charmed closed- I couldn't tear it open, but when I started cussing at it, the flap lifted on its own. Only Draco would think of such a means by which to ensure I got it open.

_L'elly-_

_Love, I've been thinking about what you said in the closet this past weekend. I hope to god that we're going to be able to end this soon and I'm really worried about you. Please, hang on. We may not make it through whatever is going to end this year, but I want what little time we have to be the best we can make it. I can't write down much of what I know because of the charms placed on HIS name and plans, but I can tell you this- Bellatrix is hoping that whatever is going to happen will happen on a fire festival. She hopes that it is going to crush any and all resistance to HIM, and we all know that this place is the hold-out of the resistance, even though it is run by HIS agents. I know you don't entirely trust Headmaster Snape, but please, try. He's the one chance we have to survive that long, even if he doesn't always show it._

_Let's meet again on the 24th after dinner. I know it's a long ways off, but I think the Carrows are suspecting that I'm up to something and I don't want them to try to follow me to the closet._

_~O.G._

I understand why he's scared, but I can't be entirely satisfied with his answers because I am so impatient and I just want this shit to end NOW. I mean, is it too much to ask the Universe for?

Snape's evil factor is down still at 35%. He hasn't done anything to make it go back up and I keep noticing little things that convince me he's not entirely wicked. It would be nice if SOMETHING were black-and-white these days!

Yes, 24th, closet. I will be there.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**24\. February-**

 

Bobbie:

So we met in the closet and did not end up snogging. Weird, I know. There was much hugging and snuggling, however. It's safe, there in each others' arms, and safe is what we both need to feel, seeing as walking in the halls is pretty much taunting fate these days.

Anyway, so we were sitting there, and I told him I got his letter, so he asked what I thought about it all.

"Well, to put it frankly, I'd rather just end this shit here and now and start the fight so I don't have to wait to either get on with my life or die. Simple answer is that I just really am sick of all this crap. The more complicated, logical answer is that I understand completely why you can't just out and tell me what's happening and I also understand that not being able to do such has got to be just eating you up inside."

He sat up me up and I turned to face him (I had been leaning on him like a cushion, his arms around my middle), "Wilde, I feel like shit, every day, knowing that I can't do anything. I have to play the part in order to survive. You can resist and they won't kill you quite yet. I can't step out of line. I envy you."

"Dude, you didn't get shaved."

"No, but if I had hexed Amycus, I'd probably be dead, so consider yourself lucky."

I paused. Seeing this as lucky really wasn't something I was prepared to do. I mean, my hair is just barely starting to fuzz back and my tattoo under my eye looks awesome, despite the fact that I think the bone is bruised under there or something because that entire half of my face hurts like a bitch. I'm still alive. I guess not having been around the last time HE was rampaging around, I'm not sure how to react to the fact that resisting and being alive still means I'm lucky.

I sighed, "True. Speaking of the hair...I'm thinking of leaving it short- like, growing it out to a pixie cut that's shorter than yours and just keeping it like that. Honestly, how bad do you think that would look? How terrible is it now?"

Draco's eyebrows shot up, "Bad? I think you're one of the few women who can make a shaved head still look exceptionally sexy. I think keeping your hair short would be gorgeous- you have such striking features..." His voice trailed off. I could tell he was getting a bit uncomfortable, telling his whatever-I-am that I'm totally hot.

I just smiled and blushed, "You know what? You're completely sweet. I don't look weird with the tattoo or anything?"

"God no, L'elly."

"So...you think I'm pretty?"

He brushed his fingers along my cheek- the one that hadn't been tenderised, "Lewellyn, I think you're one of the most beautiful people I've ever known."

Hell. Yeah.

I kissed his cheek and curled up next to him, "Thank you, love. It means a lot to know that even when I've been beat to crap and feel like shit, I'm still hot."

He chuckled, folded me in his arms, and kissed the top of my head, "You are very welcome."

"And just so you know, you're pretty damned hot yourself, man-in-black Malfoy."

That was it. He smiled, stammered a thank you, and then we sat there in silence for a while before he headed out first and then I dallied back to Gryffindor later.

Pattern of my life- class, secret lover meeting, sneak back to dormitory, diary, sleep.

~L'elly.


	19. 1998:  March

**2\. March-**

Bobbie:

Quick, short entry- I only hope I can stash this before I get caught. He-Carrow tried to rip out my safety pin ear-rings today...so I kicked him in the balls. I'm hiding. It was after Potions, so I'm already too near the dungeons. I know I'm near Slytherin house. I'm going to have to pray Draco gets this first.

Shit, here they come.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**8\. March-**

 

Bobbie:

This is going to be one long entry. I've got a lot of back-writing to do.

After I wrote my last entry, I was found by she and he Carrow and dragged down to the dungeons. They tried to go for the safety pins, but I'd charmed them with a bit of protection, so I didn't end up with huge gashes in my ears. They did chain me up, though. They left me there, hanging.

On the third, they came back and he-Carrow whipped me while she-Carrow taunted. I tuned out. I didn't want to bother arguing and I had to use my energies and my focus to keep from passing out. God, that hurt. They then tossed me in a cell. I was there without food for the entirety of the fourth. I started to hallucinate either that day or the fifth, but with no light down there, it was kind of hard to tell which. I hadn't eaten in a long while and the last water I had was after the whipping on the third.

The sixth was excruciating, not necessarily physically, but emotionally. Apparently, the he-and-she Carrows have been suspecting that Draco may be friends with one of the Gryffindor students. Badness. He ended up in my cell on the sixth.

I heard the he-Carrow cackle as he closed the door, "We'd better hear her screaming, Malfoy, or else we're going to be reporting to the Dark Lord that you are helping them."

The door slammed shut and I heard the bolt slam locked.

Draco lit the lamps or something and knelt over me, "You heard what they said...we've got to make this convincing."

I croaked, you know, like a dying frog, and tried to tell him that I really needed water before any screaming would happen, but the he-Carrow opened the door again and so Draco pinched me, HARD, and I tried to scream, but it barely came out.

"If you want to hear her scream, Carrow, she's got to have water- this girl's as parched as a desert and can barely speak." The he-Carrow muttered something and then came back shortly later with a murky glass of water, which I drank anyway, spilling some of it but getting most of it down. At that point, I am sure I would have guzzled just about any liquid, no matter how vile. The he-Carrow left.

Draco quickly explained, "Look, they say that if I can torture you to make you scream, they'll let us both out. Please, help me out here."

I shook my head, "Can't scream, nothing left." I still sounded like death warmed over.

"What do I do?"

"Hit me with your best shot."

He Crucio'ed me. I screamed. I was far too weak to resist it. God, that damn thing SUCKS ASS! He did it a second time. Third go, I passed out. I'm not sure what happened. I seem to remember something being said about me being dumped in a common room. I know I was carried somewhere, but I can't remember how.

I woke up on the seventh with Ginny sitting next to my bed, my diary in her hands, keeping watch, "My god, L'elly, we were so worried...Mme Pomfrey's been down here twice today already, trying to get you to wake up."

"How long have I been out? And how did you get that?"

"You've been out since you were brought here by Malfoy. He insisted once he got here that he be allowed to bring you to the couch. He had your diary. I assumed you had given it to him. He told me what happened and I hexed him- bat-bogey hex."

"Thanks, Ginny...and no, I just left the diary near Slytherin and crossed my fingers. I didn't exactly have time for a hand-off."

She sighed, "Draco can't be completely evil- he really looked terrified of leaving you here. He also had your book and didn't act like he'd read it, so there's another thing in his favour- I still don't like him, though."

"You'd know if he read it- he'd be shaped approximately like a slug and he'd be covered in pustules and there would be objects trying to fly up his nostrils, which would be rather enlarged. Anyway, you don't have to like him, Ginny...but he's got a lot of crap to deal with, too. Can we talk about this later, though? I feel like shit."

We did talk about it later, like, after a four hour nap in which Mme Pomfrey was alerted to me being undead. She came back while Ginny and I were talking and checked me out. I'm in pretty crappy shape, all kinds of new scars and all, but she says that with the dittany, I should be completely healed from the whip-marks. She says that, so far, I've fared better than some. I know she means Neville and Seamus. Those two are getting the brunt of the punishment. There are a lot of kids who are a lot more worse off than I am, that's for sure.

Now, it's the eighth, I'm tired, Ginny's still digesting what she's learned, and I'm just waiting for something else to go wrong. Really, karma, can't we have some of that good balance around here for a change?

~L'elly

 

* * *

**9\. March-**

 

Bobbie:

McGonnagall absconded with me during classes today, insisting that she needed my help in her office. She really just wanted me relaxing, so I spent my time reading her books and drinking tea. It was great, and she was awesome when she had time to sit and talk to me. I adore that woman.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**10\. March-**

 

Bobbie:

Returned to classes today. Sat quietly in Dark Arts and Anti-Muggle Studies. Got some pretty strange looks from people about the bruises again, but hell, who isn't getting used to seeing all the abuse these days?

I GLARED down Snape in the hall today. How can he permit this kind of crap in his school? His evil-ometer went up to 45% evil today.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**11\. March-**

 

Bobbie:

Draco tried to call to meet with me today- he sent me a flying origami crane with a note in it. I sent it back to him, on fire.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Noon-

 

Bobbie:

So, apparently, the on-fire bird caught the attention of Snape. He asked Draco why he was getting flaming origami in the hallways. Draco asked to meet him in person, and Draco told him EVERYTHING. How do I know this? Because shortly there-after, Snape tried to come and talk to me. He pulled me aside and told me all this and I just kept glaring.

I finally said something, "Look, you may not be 100% evil, but you're not earning any brownie points by letting those...those...Carrows discipline us by using the dungeons! I overheard yesterday that even Filch- FILCH! -thinks they've gone too far! Draco nearly killed me. I'm not going to run off and meet with him like nothing happened. I'm not going to pretend that. He hurt me. I still feel pain shoot through my body for no apparent reason sometimes, and it's been five days. I know he's between a rock and a hard place, but that doesn't mean that I don't still get to be fucking pissed!"

He just looked at me. Silent.

It took him a while, but he finally spoke, "I understand. Shall I convey that message to him?"

"Yeah, but only if you'll think long and hard about the fact that you're not off the hook for this shit, either."

"Believe me, Miss Lupin-Black, I do think about it." He turned and swished away.

I stalked off. I'm now scribbling furiously while stuffing down lunch. Back to classes, ugh.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**16\. March-**

 

Bobbie:

Beware the Ides of, and all that.

I watched Draco in class today- he looks completely miserable. Maybe my rebuke sank in. It's been nearly a week, maybe it's time to call a truce?

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**17\. March-**

 

Bobbie:

It was my turn today to transfigure a lint ball into a rat and affix a note to it. I called for a meeting in the closet tonight at seven. We'll see if he gets his sorry ass there.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Late late late-

 

Bobbie:

So...it was seven thirty before Draco showed up- apparently, Pansy and Blaise both teamed up to try to find out where he was going and he had to confront them and make up some shit about where he was going and what he was doing in order to get them off his trail.

"So...you've got new clingers? Not just Crabbe and Goyle tagging along with you now? You've got an entourage?"

"L'elly, please, you know I have to keep up appearances."

"Yeah, and I'm still pissed."

"Then why did you call this meeting? Just to torment me?"

I crossed my arms over my chest, "No. I called it so I could torment you and then talk to you and then maybe extend the olive branch. You looked like shit yesterday. I felt sorry for you. It lasted."

"Er...thank you?"

"Yeah, you'd better be grateful, I could have just kicked your ass from here to next Tuesday."

I glared. He shrank. I sighed. He drooped. I approached. He hung his head. I touched his chin and raised his eyes to meet mine. He really looked like hell. I touched his cheek and brushed my fingers down his neck to rest my hand on his chest. He didn't touch me. I think he was afraid of what I was going to do to him. I have to admit, I was kind of hoping that he'd think I was going to pull a Temple of Doom and rip out his heart or something.

"L'elly?"

"Yes?"

"Can...can I hug you?"

Awwwwww! "Of course."

He looked surprised- like, he thought I was going to tell him no and then slap him for the suggestion. He tentatively embraced me, and then I relaxed into him and returned the gesture. We went and sat down. He was a bit shaky, and he was having a hard time not getting all teary. I wouldn't have minded if he cried- I mean, he DID Crucio me the last time we met and seeing him feel completely terrible about that really did make me feel better about it all.

I sighed, "You know what would be a nice way to spend St Patrick's day?"

"What?"

"Getting completely bloody drunk."

He laughed a little and took my hands, "We could always snog instead."

Hell, I wasn't going to complain about that! The snogging is the reason that it's nearly midnight and I'm just writing this down- it was close to eleven thirty when I finally got back to the common room. It was a topless Tuesday that quickly became a topless and trouserless Tuesday. I've never been down to my skivvies with a male before, but god is it NICE. I mean, he already had my skirt hiked, why not just shed the damned thing? Of course, to be fair, I had to offer to remove his as well. Wink wink! So skin on skin is amazing, I love being so unclothed, and he's so patient with me and all. I was a little uncomfortable about the idea of going braless quite yet, and so I told him so, and he was actually cool with it. He told me that when I was ready would be when timing was right and he wouldn't push the matter. Pretty groovy, eh?

So here I am, sitting in my room, rather naughty thoughts running through my head, and I don't feel badly about them at all and I actually feel pretty damned good about myself right now. I mean, apparently, I'm pretty hot and the fact that I've been growing me some more curvy curves this past year has helped along my sexy factor. Draco told me that he'd still find me attractive if I was flat as a board, since apparently he wanted to snog me stupid most of last year as well and just didn't want to rush me. Yay!

I should sleep- I really do still feel icky from the whole torture-in-the-dungeons incident and now I'm also a little sore from ending up sandwiched between a hot boy and a wall.

Not that I'm complaining any, mind you!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**26\. March-**

 

Bobbie:

Letter.

_L'elly-_

_I don't really know how to tell you this, honey. Ted...he was finally caught. He's been on the run for so long...and they did not spare him. Ted is gone. He's dead. Please, hang in there. I'm trying to find a way to get ahold of your father to tell him._

_Be strong._   
_Andi._

I have to go to class. I'm not sure how to react to this.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**28\. March-**

 

Bobbie:

Ted's death is really hitting me hard. I don't know how to grieve for him. I've been throwing myself into my studies. It's the only way I can cope. Ginny and Neville know about it, too. We're meeting tonight to cry and try to figure out how to help each other out. We kind of want to light something on fire in the lawn, but we know that even though it would be really nice for us, we'd probably get our asses beat for it.

Damn.

~L'elly.


	20. 1998:  April

**3\. April-**

Bobbie:

I'm not really sure how much more of this crap I can take. I've been thinking a lot about how Ted died. I've been wondering about if Dad is going to go the same way. I really am falling apart.

We really did, actually, burn things, to deal with what happened. Ginny, Neville, and I sneaked out after hours and set fire to part of the lake shore. It was fun, and we managed to get back in the building and up to our tower before we got caught. We had a splendid time watching the smoke and flames dance while the he-and-she Carrow danced around it like idiots trying to put it out with spells involving water when all they had to do was shove it into the lake. Really, there is a LAKE next to it!

One of these days, I'll figure out a way to cope with things that does not involve burning. Right now, however, it is the best idea I've got.

Rest in peace, Ted. I love you.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**4\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

I got a letter today from Andi. Dad had written a bit in it, too.

_L'elly-_

_Dearest, this isn't the greatest time we're in, is it? Nymphadora is completely distraught, hence the reason your father is here right now. He's been keeping hidden very well. I think he's going to be alright, but I'm still worried._

_I hope you're doing alright, all things considered. I supposed I've been doing pretty well, too. I had the time to think and prepare for this, ever since he left home. I guess, on some level, I knew. Depressing to think about, but I think it helped._

_Here, love, are a few words from your father._

_Lewellyn-_

_I'm here at the house, with Tonks. We're eager for the arrival of the baby. I hope we can talk about a name for him together when you are here over the Easter holiday. You will be coming to Shell Cottage first, with Molly. She'll be bringing you from Kings Cross to the cottage so you can visit with Bill and Fleur before you come here the following weekend. You'll spend the rest of your time over the break here until you have to return on the train._

_I love you, darling, and I can't wait to see you when you arrive here. I miss you._

_Dad._

_I'll see you when you arrive here. Enjoy your time with Molly, Bill, and Fleur._

_~Andi._

Yay, time at home! It's going to be hard, though, with Ted gone. Really hard. I mean, yes, he's been absent...but he's really not coming back.

Wait, I'm going to try to make the best of this. I still have Tonks, Andi, Dad, Molly, and soon, junior. We may be missing Ted, but we've still got the rest of us and, all things considered, that ain't bad. I'm going to miss Ted. That's unquestionable. I'm still going to live.

Here for a few more days (we leave on the eighth). Gonna tough it out!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**7\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

Heading out tomorrow! I can't wait to flee this place for a while!

The count-down to the end of the year (and possibly the world) is ON!

~L'elly

 

* * *

Evening-

 

Bobbie:

So...got a letter from Draco today. Seems he's not so happy about going home.

_Wilde-_

_I'm utterly terrified of going home. I know I've told you what it is like when there are Death Eaters everywhere and when HE is breathing down your neck. I know I've told you how frightening home is._

_Aunt Bellatrix is terrifying, too. I am going to be counting down the days until I see you again. I'm sorry if anything happens on the train home tomorrow. I won't see you on the way home, nor will I see you this evening. Be safe._

_I love you._

_~Draco._

I'll be alright. I always am. I keep my fingers crossed and my eyes peeled for trouble. Draco will be, too. He's stronger than he thinks he is. I'll make sure to write while he's there.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**8\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

We made it to Shell. Bill and Fleur were happy to see Molly and I when we arrived. Nothing strange happened on the train and we had a lovely trip, all things considered.

I'm exhausted and just plain ecstatic to be gone from Hogwarts for right now. I'm going to go sleep, and tomorrow, Molly and I are baking up a storm. I think the list has scones, cookies, a pie or two, and muffins on it, so far.

Cheers, I'm free!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**10\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

Even after a day and a half straight of baking, I've still got a bad feeling about something happening today.

Weird.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**11\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

Holy crap. Bad day.

The Trio ended up here. Something about being at the Malfoy house in their quest to defeat the ultimate evil. They escaped and there was a fight...something about crazy Aunt Bellatrix nearly killing everyone and Dobby ended up dead. He is being buried in the yard at the moment. I really hate this. The Trio won't tell me anything. Luna is here for a bit, but she's being ushered off with Ollivander to someplace even more safe. I don't even get to say hi.

Blah.

~L'ely.

 

* * *

**12\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

Easter. Andi, Tonks, and I are all having a nice day at home. We're just sitting around, eating a lot of cake. Dad will be here later this week.

Apparently, the baby is due in about a week and a half.

This is going to be an interesting break.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**13\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

I got a letter today. It came with an owl, tucked in a letter from Fleur to Tonks.

_L'elly-_

_Saw the hero Trio on the tenth. They're still alive. They were here. Lost my wand to Harry. I didn't give him away- you'd be proud of me. I actually did the right thing. My father brought them upstairs...he was hoping that just finding the Trio could mean that we would live a little longer. I don't blame him. I hope you don't either. If you see Harry...please tell him to keep that wand safe. I'll have Mother's for classes. It's just not the same, though, you know?_

_You're probably wondering how this letter got to you- Transfiguration is handy. I sent it to Luna, disguised, of course, and tucked in the feathers of the owl. I had told her I needed to get a note to you and she suggested that. She retrieved it and dropped it at Shell._

_Can't write much- eyes are watching extra closely. I'll be back after the break. We'll survive this, somehow._

_Love._   
_~Draco._

I know the Trio was there, honey. I saw them. They buried a house elf in the yard. One of my best girls was being held hostage in your house. Why is this so screwed up? Really, I know being a teenager is tough, but it should be a lot easier than this.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**15\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

Tonks asked Andi today if she could name the baby after her father. I think she wants to name it Teddy Remus. We'll talk to Dad when he gets here tomorrow and see what he says. I think it's a great name.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**16\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

Dad's here! We talked about the name, so it's settled! The baby has a name! Andi did some really cool midwifey things and said that the baby might be here in a week or so.

So there's the good news.

The bad news is that we got in a HUGE row, Dad and I, about whether or not I should go back to Hogwarts, given the circumstances. I won. I freakin' won. Tonks refused to back either of us up, but Andi was on my side. I'm awesome.

I wrote to Draco to tell him about the baby and the fact that we have a name for him. I also wrote about the debate as to whether or not I should return to school. I'm so excited!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**19\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

I got another letter from Draco today, this one was somehow tucked in our newspaper. I'm not sure how he managed that one.

_L'elly-_

_For the love of all that is holy, please come back to Hogwarts._

_Draco._

Well, I guess I know what he thinks about the matter!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**21\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

I got a note from Ginny today. Molly sent it over.

_L'elly-_

_Sorry, sis, but Mom's not letting me back to Hogwarts. I really am going to miss you, but I'll try to keep Luna occupied while you keep Neville from getting in too much trouble- you just know he's going to be plotting revolution._

_I'm going to miss you._

_Ginn._

Oh, bollocks.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**22\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

I am supposed to be returning to Hogwarts today. Instead, Tonks went into labour. Baby time!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Very late at night-

 

Bobbie:

Whoo hoo! Little Teddy's in the world!

Dad is terribly excited. He's nervous as hell, too, afraid he's going to break the baby. Right now, Tonks is completely exhausted and sleeping like a log. Andi has Teddy at the moment. I'll finish this up, and then it's baby time! Andy is going to be returning me to Hogwarts tomorrow. She wrote to Snape and she told him, in no uncertain terms, that I would be back tomorrow and he wouldn't have anything negative to say about it or she'd be hexing the shit out of him. Andi kicks ass. She said something about Snape being an utter fool if he tried to challenge her.

Off to get a very little bit of sleep before having to return to Hell-warts.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**23\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

I ended up back at Hogwarts today in the evening. Kind of sucks to be back. The she-Carrow mocked me and I just kind of ignored her...Andi was still there at the time and she was giving this look to her that would have burned through steel. It's nice to see someone who isn't afraid of the she-Carrow at all. Andi looks a lot like Bellatrix, apparently. It must freak them out a bit.

Whoo hoo!

I hope the he-and-she Carrows stew on that for a bit. I also hope that they don't go and try to attack Andi, because I think she'd be really pissed.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**24\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

Well, it didn't take long for things to return to ultimate suck. Michael Corner released a first year that was chained up in the dungeons. The first year was Kendal. My poor little Kendal was locked up in the dungeon because she decided to defend Ginny's decision not to come back to Hogwarts after Easter. Everybody loves little Kenni- she's a doll and she's just so sweet to everyone and she provides us with contraband pop music. Michael couldn't stand to see her left down there to be tortured. Instead, he ended up tortured. He's in pretty messy shape. I doubt Michael will be walking around on his own anytime soon without a lot of help. Seamus is going to be helping us get him up to see Mme Pomfrey.

Neville's been telling me that he's been thinking of going into hiding in the Room of Requirement. He told me that, when the time comes, the DA can go into hiding there when we need it. He says that if people in the DA start to vanish, that's most likely going to be where they go.

I'll watch for that.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**26\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

Neville got a letter late this evening. Apparently Augusta got sought out by the Death Eaters and she kicked their asses. She's on the run and the dude that came after her is hospitalised.

Go Augusta. She's one bad-assed witch. I love her.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**27\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

Neville disappeared today. I ran into Draco in the hall today. Literally.

I ran into him, head on, books spilling everywhere. I gathered up my books (with a quick little spell that Ginny taught me), and he just glared at me. I cast a quick hex. He hexed me back, I blocked and rebounded, and he shielded it all...so we didn't end up killing each other, yet.

Ugh. My friends are vanishing (I can't really remember seeing Seamus today, either)...and now I have to write a Potions essay. I know it's not for Snape, but still, come on...not exactly a subject I want to be writing essays in right now.

YEAR OF SUCK!

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**28\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

I'm going to get myself killed if I don't shut the hell up. Today, I was singled out in the hallway by the he-and-she-Carrows. They were taunting, Crabbe and Goyle style. Snape intervened, grabbed me by the collar, and dragged me bodily off while I was cussing the entire time. He tossed me into a classroom, closed the door, and left.

He didn't give me detention, he didn't go and get anyone, and he didn't even chastise me for swearing up a blue streak at the she-and-he-Carrows.

Something is very wrong here.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**29\. April-**

 

Bobbie:

I found a letter from Draco in my school books today.

_L'elly-_

_We're getting closer to May. I have a feeling we're going to have to face our darkness soon. I really don't want to have to fight against you, but I have the feeling we're going to end up on the opposite side of a VERY serious fight. Not a fight. A war._

_Stay strong, love._   
_D._

Crap.

It's just like I said, this is the year of suck. The only good thing about it is Teddy. Poor kid was born in a shitty year.

~L'elly.

 


	21. 1998:  May

 

 

 

**1\. May (just before midnight)-**

Bobbie:

I...don't even know how to start this entry.

I got a note from Draco earlier today.

_Wilde-_

_It's all coming down tonight. We might not survive this. Can you please meet me in front of our closet at nine...and come dressed some way that I haven't ever seen you?_

_This is it, love. The end of it all._

_O.G._

So, given that the world was going to pretty much end (it's not quite midnight as I am writing this and, apparently, He has a sense of dramatic timing for this impending messy death and doom), I did as Draco asked. I showed up at nine in front of the closet with a backpack (I needed my fighting clothes on hand, you know?). I dressed in something I knew he hadn't seen- my long black skirt with the slit clear to the thigh and a very nice black tank top blouse with a butterfly in sequins on the front- it's a bit of a clubbing shirt and shows off my curves fabulously without being too trampy. Add to all this my vintage lucite heels and I thought I was looking pretty damned good. Apparently, so did he. He showed up a minute after me in his now-signature black suit. He didn't recognise me from behind, I don't think. The tank top is cut low enough that it shows off my Bloom tattoo, too. His reaction was to place his hands on my waist and kiss me. He kissed me...and I sure as hell didn't back away from that challenge. We were standing in the hall...in public...and we weren't looking to stop anytime soon.

Well, after a while (and some wandering hands, I'll admit!), we stopped and he asked, "Would you like to come back to my place, Wilde?"

Hell, yes. I don't remember how I answered, but the sentiment was the same. We went back to Slytherin house and just walked right through the common room (yes, there were people there, including Pansy) and up the stairs to their dormitory. Slytherin is set up differently than Gryffindor. Instead of having a boys' common bunkroom and a girls' common bunkroom, the students have monastic individual cells that have room for their trunks, a narrow bed, and a nightstand. I was in Draco's room. The instant the door closed, we were back touching, kissing, caressing...doing all those things they tell us not to do or else we're going to land ourselves in trouble and sin...which, of course, at that point, aren't things I was worried about at all. I didn't hesitate when his hands slipped under my shirt and he unfastened my bra. I didn't flinch when one of his hands found the slit in the skirt and slid up my thigh. I was pretty well gone at that point, anyway. I knew where this was going to go and I didn't mind it in the least.

The first time you're completely naked in front of someone of the opposite sex...it's a little intimidating and frightening, just because you're suddenly so vulnerable. I'm not sure how to describe some of what led up to being in bed with him. All I know was that it didn't take much to seduce me and I wasn't resisting at all...and he was gentle, sweet, and almost worshipful in how he touched me. I tried to return the same kinds of touch. I had no idea what the hell I was doing.

Let's just say here that sex is one of the most disgusting bodily functions that a human can indulge in, but it is also one of the most amazing when your lover talks to you through it all, doesn't leave it a mystery, reads your body, and just goes with it. It wasn't perfect, I will say that, but it was still phenomenal.

I just hope it wasn't the first and last time at the same time.

Anyway, after, I fell asleep for a while, but he woke me around eleven. He said that I should get ready for the coming storm. I didn't want to leave his bed, but I grabbed my backpack and tugged out the big t-shirt and set of sweatpants I had brought along- I figured that something like this was going to happen and I was going to need to run to a shower or something before heading out to fight. He showed me where the shower was and we both bathed before heading back to the tiny room to get ready for the battle. I stripped down and dug down for my battle clothes.

There are a few things I was going to wear if I was going to die, and these are they:

Lucky green underwear  
Most comfortable bra ever that is stained beyond belief from leaving in in the wash with Papa's black trousers  
Favourite pair of jeans with the knees ripped out and a hole near the rear pocket corners (thus showing off the lucky unders!)  
Old black tank top with the green paint splattered across it from Daddy and Papa's lime green bedroom painting adventure

I asked Draco to hand me my locket and he fixed it around my neck; he kissed my shoulder after he did. He watched me as I pulled my safety pins out of my bag and clipped them through my ears. He had slipped into a slightly worn pair of trousers and had a t-shirt on. He tossed on a slightly ratty white button up and started closing the front...until I slid in front of him and did them up for him and kissed his cheek. We were ready...almost.

I filched his black button up he had been wearing earlier in the day and slid it on, rolling up the sleeves and leaving it open. It smelled good...like him. He smiled.

"Lewellyn, you're gorgeous, even in your battle garb."

I was stuffing my discarded clothes back into my bag, "You know, hon, you don't look to shabby yourself."

He chuckled and handed me my wand, "Are your ready to meet your fate?"

"Not in the least- you?"

"God, no. How about Slytherin house, do you think we can face them?"

We heard Slughorn knocking on the doors, calling for everyone to assemble in the common room for a head count, "I think I can manage your housemates."

We headed downstairs and Slughorn explained what was going on, after a headcount. That's where I am now, sitting down in a chair, pretending I'm not here. I think Slughorn is doing his best to pretend he doesn't have an extra student, as well. My D.A. galleon has been ringing since I pulled on these jeans (I'd stuffed it in the pocket earlier). Something is happening out there. According to Slughorn, it's going to be very soon happening in here.

Wish us luck- this is our crucible.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**2\. May-**

 

Bobbie:

Holy. Shit.

All the other days I said were bad...they were, but nothing has come to this level of evil. The whole damned war needed to end NOW. Dad and Tonks...they needed a chance. Teddy needed a chance. Draco needed a shot at getting out alive and being able to make his own decisions about his life. I wanted the chance to maybe be a part of that decision of his.

When that voice rang out across the hall...HIS voice...I couldn't move. It made me more determined. He thought he could BLACKMAIL us into submission? Fucking twat! Of course, it was Slytherin house that wanted to just hand over Harry (did I mention Harry showed up? No? Well, he did. There.). We stood and formed our wall- they were NOT going to just take Harry out and think that was going to solve this. Firstly, it probably wouldn't have done any good, and secondly, even though I want to beat the man with a shoe, handing him over to VOLDEMORT was not something I was inclined to do.

I ended up in Kingsley's group. I don't think he wanted Dad to be watching me instead of doing his job. Dad's going to do that anyway, but this is a war and I'm old enough to understand what that means.

I was on the grounds when the hellstorm hit. I was with a rank of students who were trying desperately to be calm and soldierly, all of whom were scared shitless. I started singing (very quietly) under my breath to try to keep calm. Let it be known that Johnny Cash contributed to the victory over VOLDEMORT.

Then they came. I never expected to be in a situation like this and I never imagined that I would find myself needing curses and hexes that could seriously hurt someone...but Kingsley told us to hold steady, start with sheilds, and work from there. It was very Star Trek...shields up, Sulu! Shields are up, Captain! They're still coming! The shields canna take much more o' this, Capt'n! Torpedos at the ready!

Then we fired back.

I probably killed someone today. I never used Avada Kedavra, but others did...and I did things to people that probably sent them into those spells. There was no thought, just gut reaction. I can barely remember what happened. Apparently, this is a form of battle shock that happens to people in wars...we forget things...our minds protect us by keeping us from remembering what we did and how we survived. A student next to me fell. I remember checking and discovering he was dead. I don't know who he was. I can't remember his face. I picked up his wand and tucked it in my pocket. I couldn't let it just sit there. Much later, there was a basket in the great hall for lost wands and another for the wands of the dead. I dropped his in the second basket.

As the line was pushed back to the castle, we were not doing so well. Our numbers dwindled. I found myself in the entry hall, fighting very close to Kingsley and Flitwick. I helped some other students drag their injured friends off to the side- we had to keep the living alive and that meant getting the ones that could not fight out of the way and protected. It was awful. So much blood...everywhere...I didn't ever envision that people could bleed so much.

That was when I heard Draco- I saw him fall aside, like he had been punched. For the moment, he was alive. If he kept his act together, he might make it through.

It wasn't long before things got worse. I know, how could they get worse, right? I was terrified. Giant fucking spiders were in the hall. God damn it. I hate the little ones that I find in the corners of the house with pin prick bodies. These ones were bigger than the London buses...nothing should have that many eyes...

Trelawney was lobbing crystal balls at people, and this creepy cannibal-werewolf dude got slammed by one of them and he was out of commission- thankfully. I had to pull Lavender out of the battle. He had bitten her.

The giant problem got worse, at that point. Have you ever felt giants wrestling? It's like an earthquake on crack.

By this point, I was tired and wasn't going to be able to keep up my defences where I was, so I decided to try to reach Draco. He was unconscious when I got to him. I tried to rouse him and get him to safety. He was barely mobile, but once he came back to reality, I got him to the Great Hall. It took a long time, and by the time I got him there, others were trickling in. We needed to regroup. People were bringing in bodies and they were laying out the fallen. I kissed Draco on the forehead. He was coming to a little. I tucked my wand in his hand, since it didn't look like he had one of his own anymore. I thought, well, when he figures out what happened, he'll know it's mine- the carvings on the handle are very unique. If I find Dad, I know he was carrying Papa's wand with him into battle as a tribute.

I needed to find Dad. I saw the Weasley's gathering. I joined them- they were familiar faces and I was starting to shake. They were sobbing. Someone we knew was dead. God...I saw Fred first and then...

Dad. Tonks.

I don't know if I can keep writing this right now...but I think I have to. I feel...blank. Like a white page without anything on it. I'm just...empty. Shocked. Stunned. Stupified. They're gone.

We just stood there. We didn't know what to do... We'd all lost. George was by himself, kneeling right at Fred's head. I went and sat by him...Dad was right there. I kept watch over Dad and Tonks the same way George was keeping watch over Fred. After a while, George looked at me and then took my hand. I started crying. It hit me. He slid a little closer and we held onto each other and sobbed.

I don't know how long we clung to one another. When we finally calmed down long enough to sit up, the others had started to also centre themselves and were starting to at least come to some sort of terms with what had happened. This was a war. We were losing. We were broken. Oliver and Neville were bringing in more of the dead. There were children in the line. Colin had stayed behind, somehow, and looked so fragile. People were moving around, everyone in a daze. Somehow, someone bought in the firewhiskey. Someone else also broke out some Muggle liquor. I have no idea how I ended up with a Guinness, but it was tasted good at the time and I split it with George. It was calming, in a way.

I didn't know where Dad's wand was. Tonks' had been tucked under her hands, which had been crossed over her chest. I patted Dad's trouser leg and felt Papa's wand. I concentrated very hard and Accio'd it. I wasn't going back into battle without being armed.

Survivors were flooding in, still. Scared people, people who needed someone to find them, were being brought in by the Order members. The ones who had been able to keep going by sticking to business...these people...they didn't stop to mourn. I had Guinness, I had George, and we needed each other, even though we didn't say anything the whole time we sat there. I almost feel like I should write a thank-you letter to the makers of Guinness.

Dear Guinness people,

Thank you for making your amazing beer, which calmed us and helped us to focus during the wizarding world's great fight against immeasurable evil.

I am sure that would be a well-received letter. Would probably end up straight in the rubbish bin, as though it were written out of a deranged fantasy by a totally crazy person completely soused on their alcohol. Little would they know, it was completely real.

When VOLDEMORT's voice announced that Harry was dead...we all had to go see. We had to see it with our own eyes. Draco struggled up from the wall. I didn't want him to come out to that crowd. He was having enough trouble standing, he didn't need to be out there, surrounded by people who saw him as the enemy. I tried to tell him this, but he insisted. I think he's finally figured out that now is a good time to not be following old orders. We kept to the back of the group. We stood there, our line facing their line. People were crying out to Harry. Some of us were too stunned to say anything.

VOLDEMORT silenced us. He went on to gloat.

Ron shouted out that Harry beat Voldemort. We all started shouting. Adding our voice to the din. He silenced us again. We tried to break the charm again, but we couldn't. Then Neville charged. I couldn't really see too well, until after Neville ran forward. We then thinned the line so we could all see what was happening. Neville's bravery was inspiring. He went from such a quiet, shy, and unassuming student to the leader of Dumbledore's Army. Now he was the front line. He shouted out that he would join Voldemort's ranks when Hell froze over and then rallied Dumbledore's Army. We screamed out our support. Inhibitions be damned. If Harry was dead, we were all going to die.

You know what happens when a group of people realise that there's nothing left to lose? We break a silencing charm pretty damned easily, that's for sure...and we get a little reckless. We dive in a little more forcefully, because if we're going to die, we're going to go out with a bang.

We were terrified to stillness, however, when that sick bastard petrified Neville and set the Sorting Hat on his head and then lit it on fire. We were screaming, too, but we were rooted to our spots...until we heard a roar.

Reinforcements...we weren't alone. Suddenly our hopeless abandon wasn't quite so hopeless. The shit hit the fan, once again, and then we saw the giants go to against each other.

Harry suddenly vanished. I don't know where he went, but he wasn't anywhere in sight. I thought he had been trampled or something.

Neville broke the curse on himself and somehow ended up with a sword. We charged and finally saw who our reinforcements were. Stampeding centaurs. Holy fuck. Then there were a shitload of thestrals overhead, lead by Buckbeak. We humans, wisely, ran back into the castle.

Somehow, in the chaos, Neville decapitated that damned snake Voldemort always dragged around with him. That thing creeped the shit out of me. I'm glad it's dead. Everyone was in what was left of the castle- Death Eaters, Voldemort, the Order, Dumbledore's Army...everyone...and then more people. It looked like the students that had left had spread the word and everyone came out to lend a hand and hex the shit out of the Death Eaters. There were centaurs in the hall. There were hexes flying everywhere, and somehow there were also House Elves with their kitchen implements, looking like tiny hellspawn, attacking legs with a vengeance. Little, mighty, determined, and very very scary.

I told Draco to just vanish and get the hell out of there for a while, but he refused. He stood with his back to mine and we worked as a team, just trying to survive. Voldemort was in the middle of the room and was really pissed- he was just destroying anything that came close to him- like a hurricane. He was throwing the king of all tantrums. Someone had the foresight to move the dead. We were fighting wherever we could, just trying to find some kind of hole to work our way towards a wall or something so we could have a protected side. Eventually, we made it. We opened up and fought from our partially shielded position. Something hit my right shoulder and slammed me into the rock. Draco cast a shield charm over me, but I got back up, Sirius' wand in my other hand. We tried to work our way towards where the head table would usually sit, just because it was away from some of the worst of the chaos.

We ALL heard Mrs Weasley when she took on Bellatrix. Seriously. Whole room just kind of paused for a half second when we heard her yell, "NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!" Molly Weasley, you are one bad-ass woman and I love you. We ran to see what was happening. We weren't the only ones. Molly told everyone to back off and we all stayed back- we seriously wanted to see this go down.

Voldemort was fighting our professors (scary to see them in action!) and Molly was taking on Bellatrix and DAMN. She's the kind of woman you don't cross- the kind of which hell hath no fury like. Bellatrix got all cocky and was talking trash, trying to distract Molly. That was the last thing she did- laugh like the cocky little banshee she was. Molly killed her- literally caused her to blow up. Voldemort actually screamed, and exploded with power to blow back Kingsley, Slughorn, and McGonagall to the wall.

Harry reappeared and protected Molly from a very pissed of Voldemort. I found out later that he had that cloak of his and was waiting for his moment. We all shouted, but then all got really quiet. This was it. This was our Western- the good guy on one end, the bad guy on the other...and it was going to end here, now, and without question. Harry said he wanted to go it alone. I don't know if any of us would have been brave enough to take his place, anyway. That was the guy who took out some of our best, right there...and he's was freaky, even then. Still is, even though he's dead now. That voice, face, body, wand...it's all the stuff of nightmares. Draco was shaking, terrified- I think he realised that if Harry failed, he was going to die, hands down. Draco put his arm around my waist and we held each other close.

They started circling each other- again, very Hollywood, here. I keep thinking, if someone in the long future makes a movie out of this, right here, this moment, will be utterly epic. The music will cut out. It will be silent. The only thing that will be heard will be Voldemort taunting Harry and Harry spouting some pretty brave shit about how we were protected by love. Everyone will be on the edges of their seats. The other wizards in the scene will be perfectly still.

And then Voldemort started to laugh. You want to hear chilling? It's like if you heard...shit, I can't even think of a comparison. That's what evil sounds like. Fucking scary.

The expositional dialogue Harry did here, it was freaking amazingly cool. He told us that Dumbledore had chosen his death. He told us how Snape was Dumbledore's man, through and through. He told us it all came down to his love for Harry's mother. Kinda cool, actually.

(0% evil)

Harry asked Voldemort to consider remorse. This was tense. This was heavy. This was also entirely unexpected. We thought that Harry was just going to get axed because Voldemort was going to get sick of talking, especially when he started telling him all the things he did wrong in his acquisition of the Elder Wand (seriously, that legend was TRUE?) and he said something completely insane.

Draco was, for a brief time, master of the Elder Wand.

Sweet.

I felt Draco tense next to me- he didn't want to be mentioned, that would mean attention to him. He didn't want to be in this story anymore.

Then Harry told us all that he had the Elder Wand after defeating Draco in the Malfoy house. I heard about that from Draco. It's why his mother gave him her wand to use at school.

Then they started fighting- Expelliarmus v Avada Kedavra. The spells collided and exploded- like, it was louder than fireworks at close range. We're talking, like the sound of heavy artillery. I'm surprised we're not all deaf. Where they hit, these huge gold flames shot up and out and then Voldemort was disarmed. Harry had two wands. He held the Elder Wand. Voldemort was also dead.

Hear that? Voldemort. Was. Dead.

Once we all realised that, it was a volcano of happy. IT IS OVER! Completely and finally OVER! Relief, grief, joy...all there. The sun rose with perfect dramatic timing and people started hugging and jumping up and down. I was laughing and crying when Draco grabbed me and kissed me. We were just so overjoyed, we couldn't contain it. It really didn't matter who it was we were connecting with. We were all one big family, now.

It wasn't long until I heard a woman's voice call out Draco's name and then saw his parents running towards him. His mother caught him in her arms and held him close. This was their moment. I went to find Neville- I needed to hug him.

When I had a moment with Harry, I just hugged him with my good arm and told him, "My folks would be proud. You were brave, just like them."

He just smiled a sad little smile, "They'd be proud of you, too."

He moved on. He disappeared from the room a little while later.

Eventually, I found Draco, sitting with his folks. I said hello. His parents looked at me like I was alien or something. Lucius slid over enough so I could squish in between he and Draco.

Draco looked at me, not quite sure what to do, "Hi, Wilde."

"We made it."

He nodded and said something about being the lucky ones. Then he hugged me. I hugged him back. We both started crying. Then he started talking. Thank god I have a good memory.

"I don't know where Goyle is. I think the Ministry took him away. Crabbe's dead- he was incinerated by Fiendfyre. Goyle and I almost were, too. I was terrified, sitting there with him, just before Harry came back for us, and I kept thinking how it couldn't end like this. I had to...I couldn't leave without telling you how much I love you."

"Yeah, but we made it, hon. This year sucked ass, but we both survived. We kept an eye out for each other, and we got through it."

Draco sat back and just stared at me for a while, "But...you're parents...oh god. L'elly...your dad..."

I nodded, "I'll cry a lot more, later. I saw a lot of people die today. It's not going to be easy...but it's over. Draco, do you get that? It's OVER."

At this point, Draco decided to introduce me to his parents. His father was distant. I think he was still in a daze. He had seen a lot of death, too. He had nearly lost his son. He wasn't probably too sure how to deal with everything yet. Draco's mother, however, was a lot more open. She clasped my hand when we were introduced and said she was so glad to finally meet me. She said something about being glad that Draco had a friend as forgiving as me and she expressed her condolences about my parents. I sat with the Malfoys for quite a while. Draco was having a lot of trouble coping with what he had done. He thought he was a coward. He felt hugely guilty. He didn't know if he should talk to Harry or not and he didn't know what they were going to have to do in order to return to any sort of a normal life. That was the big worry on his dad's mind, too. His mom didn't say much about it. At one point, she rearranged seats so Lucius could sit next to Draco and she could sit next to me. She asked me how long I had known Draco and I told her when we met. She asked me how close we were. I told her that he was my first kiss. She smiled and told me that she hoped Draco and I could help each other heal from the battle. She told me that I would always be welcome as a part of their family. I didn't tell her that, thanks to her disowned sister, I pretty much already was (things are weird enough in our family, what with the adoption and all...no need to make these relationships seem incestuous, right?). Narcissa, the cold, crazy, condescending bitch that had formerly been Draco's mother...she was gone. This was a much different woman. Nearly losing her son had brought her back to her core or something. She was very sweet. I think I almost like her.

I'll write more later, but right now, the dawn is breaking and we're all exhausted. I think I'm going to find out where everyone is crashing and try to get some sleep...I need to be able to think straight when we start burying our families.

From the ashes rise...?

~L'elly.

 

* * *

Two...ish-

 

Bobbie:

I ran into Harry while we were burying the dead. We built a graveyard near the lake, near Dumbledore's tomb. It seemed fitting. Harry and Hermione brought Snape's body up from the Shrieking Shack. Apparently, he'd been killed there by that giant fucking snake. Snape's throat had been ripped out. As much as I questioned that man's motives, I didn't want to see him dead like that.

Harry ended up next to me, since Snape was buried near to Dad with the rest of the deceased members of the Order (we placed Tonks in the same grave as Dad).

Harry turned to me, "Lewellyn. Can I have you deliver something?"

"What?"

"Do you remember how Draco was disarmed at Malfoy Manor?"

"Of course. He wrote to tell me that."

"Malfoy wrote to you?"

"Yes. For the last few years, we've been writing. He didn't just stop sending letters when it got risky."

"Oh. Well, I have his wand. Here. Can you return it to him?" He handed me a narrow velvet bag and I tucked it in my belt.

"Yeah. I've got it."

He thanked me and walked away. We went back to burying the people we lost. I heard someone call my name. I looked around. Luna and Ginny were running toward me and pointing to near the front door.

God, it was good to see my girls. Neville and Seamus came around soon, too and the four of us went to meet the person calling my name- Andi. Not having anywhere to leave him, she had Teddy swaddled and bound close to her body. There was a lot of hugging.

We all went to sit under a tree. It was near the lake shore. It was a pretty view, even though we could see all the newly planted graves on the hillside near the castle. Draco approached us. His parents were trailing behind him.

"L'elly...can I have a minute?"

"Just say what you have to say, hon. No more secrets."

He paused, "I was wondering if you'd like to come back home with me for a while this summer...though I'll admit that home isn't exactly home anymore."

I patted the ground, "Malfoy family, have a sit. We've got a lot to talk about and all that fun."

Draco sat down next to me, "So...we've got a strange family."

"Yep."

He turned to his parents, "Mom, Dad- these are El's friends, Neville, Seamus, Luna, and Ginny. This is her step-grandmother, Andromeda. You really should know each other."

Narcissa nodded, "Yes, she is my sister."

And so begins rebuiding.

~L'elly.

 

* * *

**3\. May-**

 

Bobbie:

God, sleeping was nice. Finally.

We're up in the Astronomy tower, Andi, Draco, Lucius, Narcissa, and I. We've done a lot of thinking and talking and it looks like things are going to be alright, somehow.

We had girl time last night and I told Luna, Ginny, and Andi that I'd had sex with Draco. Not exactly the conversation you want to have everyday, but it went well. I guess I just wanted to be a teenager and share that. I've kind of had to skip the teenage phase, you know? I went from being a kid who had to grow up to survive in a shitty house, back to being a kid to try to reclaim my childhood, to growing up fast at Hogwarts, dealing with everything Draco was going through. I guess that was my teenage moment, because I grew up too fast.

Gah.

I'm heading home with Andi tomorrow. That's where this journal is going to end. Hogwarts is over. This book is over.

Goodbye.

~L'elly.

 


	22. 1998: June and later

**15\. June, 1998.**

I didn't plan on writing any more in this diary, but I saw something in the paper today that made me want to write a bit more.

I suppose I should go back a bit, first. Minerva called us all back to graduate the seventh years on 15. May. She really didn't want to let us go out with a battle instead of the graduation celebration we really needed- she wanted Hogwarts to end on a high note for us.

So I really did graduate. That was nice. Then I went home with Andi to help raise Teddy and try to sort out my own shit. It was going so well until I learned this morning, via the Daily Prophet, that Draco is engaged to Miss Astoria Greengrass. I don't know what to say, other than that I'm pretty crushed. I feel like there's nothing left for me to try to sort out. I mean, sorting out my emotions for Draco was a huge part of what I needed to do at home, and now that's not exactly something I've got the chance to do, is it?

All I've got to say is this:

Bloody wanker'd better have a damned good explanation for this shit.

~El.

 

* * *

**16\. June.**

 

The wanker did send me a letter today. It's a little late for considerations, though- I mean, it would really be nice if I hadn't found out that my...whatever he WAS, is now engaged to someone else.

_L'elly-_

_I hoped to be able to tell you this in person, but I suppose a letter will have to do. The Ministry is putting pressure on the children of Death Eaters to make a good match and settle in with a family in an honest life as quickly as possible. I have been instructed that it would be wise to get married. For this, I have found Astoria Greengrass. She is a year behind us, yes, so our engangement will last until she has graduated from Hogwarts or so._

_I am sorry that I didn't get the opportunity to say this to you face to face._

_Draco._

Well, that's a shitty reason to get married. Apparently marrying the daughter of an Order member isn't getting into a good enough family. What shit.

And I don't go by L'elly anymore. It's Ellen these days.

~El.

 

* * *

**18\. July.**

 

Shit.

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I'm late...you know, biologically late. Then I got myself tested...and I'm pregnant. Holy hell. The baby is Draco's. There's no one else who I've been with, and seeing as it was just that one time, I can be pretty sure...unless this is a Mary/Jesus kind of deal.

I also moved out about two weeks ago and live in a shabby flat in London...it's actually the same flat that Dad lived in back in the day. It's nice to be someplace that is both mine and still feels like home. I'm on my own, I don't want to move back in with Andromeda, and I'm pregnant.

I won't be telling the Malfoy family...or anyone but Andi, until I utterly have to. I guess I have some thinking and planning to do.

You know, I wasn't planning on writing in this after Hogwarts, but I think there are some things that writing just helps to make clearer and easier to deal with. My ex's engagement, getting pregnant...and being out in the world...these things are things I could handle without writing it down, yes, but it's easier to think about when it's on the page.

Maybe I'll write in this again one of these days.

~El.

 

* * *

**14\. September.**

 

Narcissa and Lucius know. I met them in Hyde Park today. I'd been out for a walk and Narcissa spotted me near Albert Memorial. I really do miss her- she was fabulous during the aftermath of the war. She was lovely.

"Lewellyn! Darling, how have you been?" She hugged me. I know she noticed the fact that I've got one heck of a baby bump. I mean, I am four months along and pretty twiggy to begin with. It's kind of hard to hide.

"Hey, Narcissa. Lucius. I'm doing alright, all things considered. What about you?" Notice how I effectively evaded saying anything meaningful at all.

Lucius replied first, "I assume you're aware of Draco's engagement?"

"Ugh. Yeah. I found out from the newspaper."

Awkward pause.

Narcissa spoke first, "He didn't tell you before they published it?"

"No. His letter came the day after. Said it was basically Ministry mandated."

Lucius nodded, "He was under quite a bit of pressure from the Ministry...but he has been handling things quite poorly."

Narcissa sighed, "Can I ask you the obvious question?"

By this time, we had sat down on a bench, "Yeah, sure."

Lucius squirmed uncomfortably, and Narcissa paused before asking, "Is it his?" I nodded; she sighed, "Do you want him to know?"

"No. I'd rather just drop off his radar for now. I feel kind of disposable to him and I'm just going to stay out of his life until he decides to reconnect. I'll write to you when I have the baby."

Lucius smiled, "Thank you, Lewellyn."

After some more chat time, I learned that Narcissa doesn't really like Astoria that much (and she's still in school, so she's leary about all this), and Lucius couldn't care one way or another about her. They both think Draco is kind of stupid to be diving in without questioning the Ministry, but I suppose he's still scared of what they could do to him if he doesn't do what they say.

Draco doesn't have much of a spine, apparently.

I really do like Narcissa and Lucius. Maybe I can manage to keep in touch with them, even if their son is a cad. After all, I am pregnant with their grandson.

~El.

 

* * *

**20\. February.**

 

It's been a while since I wrote anything new. It's 1999. Yesterday, I had a son. His name is Remus George. We're calling him Rem, for short. He's a darling little boy, slender and bright-eyed. He's got sandy hair and his father's eyes. He's beautiful.

I'm exhausted.

~El.

 

* * *

**6\. March, 2000.**

 

It's been over a year since my last entry. Rem is spunky and into everything. He's driving Andi and I crazy, but it's wonderful. We've been bringing Teddy and Rem together for play dates and, even though Teddy is older by nearly a year, the boys get along fabulously and play together well. I even see Don at the flat once in a great while. We've been getting together for coffee every month since last August and our relationship is much different, now that it is adult-to-adult, rather than parent-to-child. He's even met Rem, Teddy, and Andi, and they all get along well.

On another note, I've been getting out of the house at least a few additional days each month because Luna moved into a flat a few streets over. She's been lovely and she does so well with the kids, too, so there are days when Andi and I can leave Rem and Teddy with her and go out for tea together. Occasionally, we all head over to Bill and Fleur's so the boys can play with Victoire, the youngest of all of them- she was born last May.

The children occupy most of our lives and it is wonderful.

I haven't heard anything from Draco. His parents are over every month at least once to see Rem and Teddy. They love playing with the children. Lucius is very good with the boys and Teddy has started to ask for a story from Uncle Luci before they leave each time. It's darling. He sits down in the big armchair by the window and the children crawl up on his lap and he reads from a big book of fairy tales. It's lovely.

I think I'm almost happy.

~El.

 

* * *

**8\. August, 2002.**

 

We all went to Kensington Gardens today- Andi, Rem, Teddy, Narcissa, Lucius, and I. Apparently, Draco isn't married yet. Narcissa explalined that they were going for a long engagement.

She then said something that surprised me a bit, hence the reason for this entry.

"Ellie, I really wish that Draco had come to his senses years ago. That Astoria isn't exactly someone we're too fond of. I...suppose we just wish it was you."

I hugged Narcissa for that. I don't regret much from the past...but the fact that Draco and I never got the chance to have our Muggle party, that still bothers me.

~El.

 

* * *

**7\. January, 2004.**

 

I received an invitation in the mail today.

_Miss Lewellyn Lupin-Black_

_You are cordially invited by Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy to witness the marriage of their son, Draco Malfoy, to Miss Astoria Greengrass on 4. April, 2004, at 3 in the afternoon._

Lovely. I am not going. I know they wish I would. I know they see that I'm family, but I don't feel right being a part of Draco's wedding when I still think about him with fondness. I will write Narcissa a letter to explain why I am not going to be there. I know she'll understand.

~Ellen.

 

* * *

**4\. April.**

 

Andi has Rem today. He's such a spunky young boy. He's started asking questions about his family, just like Teddy has started doing. We had to draw out a chart and it's at Andi's. He points to people on it and asks for stories.

Draco was married about an hour ago. Luna and I are sitting in my living room. I can't stop crying. The fact that I've been drinking a bit probably doesn't help that much.

She is making us popcorn and we're going to watch movies in which things blow up. Hopefully that will take my mind off things.

~Ellen.

 

* * *

**18\. December, 2006.**

 

Draco has a son. His name is Scorpius Hyperion. Lucius had a picture that he brought when he and Narcissa came over to the flat for storytime this evening. Rem is now seven and he's inseparable from Teddy. Those two boys are going to be trouble when they get to Hogwarts...not that they aren't already, but it will be interesting to see what notes we get from teachers about these two.

~Ellen.

 

* * *

**4\. February, 2007.**

 

I realised today how much my eight year old Remus looks like Draco. He's got that defined, intense face...and a mop of shaggy mousy hair over it that he refuses to let me cut. He says he wants to be a rock star, just like Lucius, when he grows up. He saw a picture of one of my favourite 80s bands on an album cover in the flat and he decided that the lead singer looked like Lucius. Let's just say that it's been interesting these past few months while he's held that belief. Lucius has tried to tell him otherwise, but they still do have air guitar contests while I have my record collection out.

Rem may look like his father, but he's got that mischievous glint in his eye that says he's not going to be a spineless git. Teddy looks a LOT like his mother, but with his father's eyes. Both boys look like they're always up to something...which is appropriate, considering they usually are.

They certainly don't let us have a dull day!

~El.

 

* * *

**30\. October, 2009.**

 

It's been two years since I wrote in here. Rem is ten. He'll be starting Hogwarts with Teddy next year. I've had my hands full taking care of Rem! I'm sitting at a sewing machine all evening finishing Hallowe'en costumes for all the kids we're taking out tomorrow night. It will be so much fun!

My boyfriend, Angus (I met him at the art gallery last month), will be coming with us tomorrow night. He is an interesting person- a poet and student at one of the trade schools near here. Rem doesn't really like Angus. Angus doesn't like that I still wear the ring that Draco gave me when we were in school.

Speaking of things Draco gave me, Rem found the locket the other day and recognised his father from the picture- I hadn't told him much about Draco. He knew his father was out of the picture and he knew his grandparents still saw Draco once in a while, but he really didn't ever see much about him or hear much about him. He found the picture and I found him staring at it.

"Mom...I look a lot like Dad, don't I?"

"Yes, honey, you do."

"Why did he leave?"

"He didn't know about you. He had promised to marry someone else."

"Oh. Does he know now?"

"Not that I know of. I don't think he knows very much about us at all. He doesn't talk to Lucius and Narcissa much these days."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. He's made the choices that led him to where he is. You've got a family that loves you, honey. I'm still hoping that he'll want to be a part of that some day."

"Me too. He looks a lot like me."

I toussled his hair. I love my baby.

He asked me later if Draco gave me the ring I wear that Angus doesn't like. I told him yes. Of course, that led to him questioning if I still loved Draco.

I do, somehow.  
Damn it.

~Ellen.

 

* * *

**21\. December, 2010.**

 

The boys came home from Hogwarts. This is their first holiday break, and they are so full of stories! I know, Teddy is my little brother and that makes him Rem's uncle, but this family hasn't ever been really normal...so we just kind of treat the kids all as ours, regardless. It takes a village, you know?

They're so adorable!

And they're going to have more kids around here to play with, soon. I'm going to have twins! They're due next June. Angus isn't as excited as Andi and I are. I told Narcissa and Lucius and they were ecstatic. I think they've decided that, since Astoria refuses to have anything to do with them, I'm their daughter and any kids in my family are automatically grandkids. It's wonderful. We're hosting Christmas dinner together. Astoria doesn't want them around Scorpius. She says they are a bad influence, according to Narcissa.

Oh! I forgot to mention that we're not living in the shoddy flat these days. Rem and I moved in with Lucius and Narcissa. Luna's living in a cottage down the road and there are quite a few visitors around as often as possible. It turns out that it's not too far away from Andi's house, either. Since we're all living near one another, there are visitors crossing between the households on a daily basis and it is absolutely lovely. I think our guest list for the holiday includes the Potter-Weasley-Granger-etc. family all coming over to the large houses here on Christmas Eve so we can all have dinner together on Christmas Day. It is going to be absolutely wonderful!

I have a lot of planning left to do to get things around for the house guests- there are beds to be made and children to keep from entirely trashing this place- good lord, the boys are nuts!

~El.

 

* * *

**8\. June, 2011.**

 

The girls were born a week ago, on the second. Welcome, Nymphadora Sirius (called Dora) and Lucille Andromeda (called Lucy). Angus left us last month. He didn't want to have anything to do with the children.

To hell with him, anyway. Ginny and Neville have been over to the house frequently to see me since he walked out. I think Narcissa went and told the old guard that I was having a tough time of it, especially since I was going to be having twins shortly after.

I love living in Malfoy Manor. I love the fact that Narcissa just has been such a HUGE help with the children and Lucius is in his element as Granddad. The house is always full of laughter. Ginny has been encouraging Hermione and Ron to bring their children over to play as well and we keep having huge play dates where all the families get together on the lawn out back to picnic and just be happy for a day. Narcissa loves hosting these things and Lucius always looks forward to storytime at the end of the day. He'll sit in his huge, overstuffed armchair that came from the apartment with all the kids around him, the littlest ones on his lap, and he'll read them fairy tales or make up his own wacky stories.

If you had asked me a decade ago if I ever thought I would see Lucius Malfoy surrounded by children, laughing, and patiently answering questions about where the dragon came from or how the wicked queen wasn't recognised or why the dwarves worked so far away...I would have said you were utterly nuts.

Life is good, but we do miss Draco. Apparently, Lucius and Narcissa haven't heard from him since Scorpius was born. He never comes around, he doesn't write, and he never sends anything over for the Holidays. I know he loves Astoria, but isn't this a little much? I mean, his parents are family, too!

Gah. Someday, I hope I'll get an explanation, and the chance to smack him upside the head.

In the meantime, I have the twins to get to know. Dora and Lucy are, right now, sleeping, but they'll wake up soon enough and it will be time for food and time for play.

Peace.

~Ellen.

 

* * *

**2\. May, 2013.**

 

It's been 15 years since Voldemort died and the DA coin started vibrating today. I wondered at first if it was broken or something, but then Neville showed up at the door and said something about meeting at the Hog's Head pub in the early evening. I brought along the kids. Everyone else, apparently, had the same idea (as in, bring the family). We were some of the only people in the pub. The twins were actually probably on the best behaviour I've ever seen when they met all of the Army and then sat down to play quietly with the other children. It's been so long since I've seen some of those people- like Cho and Seamus. It was nice to reconnect.

15 years.

God, it doesn't seem like it was that long ago.

~El.

 

* * *

**3\. September.**

 

It is 2016. The boys have started their final year of school. This is it. God, I feel old.

This past summer, Rem did something I didn't really ever expect of him. He really relates to the stories about his grandfathers, Remus and Sirius. He found out that Harry was living in the house of Black and that the only bit of anything that I had of Sirius' was his coat. Of course, that meant that there was still something of Sirius' at the house of Black. I came home from Luna's one day to find Rem sitting in the middle of the hallway with a large trunk and a huge grin on his face.

"Hey, Mom. How was your visit with Aunt Luna?"

"Fine. Where are the girls?"

"Oh, they're out with the grandparents. They decided that it was time for a nature walk or something."

"You look way too proud of yourself to have been just hanging around the house all day. What have you been up to?"

He patted the trunk, "I've been doing some exploring. Guess what I found?"

I sighed, half expecting him to have Teddy trapped in the trunk or something, "What?"

He shoved his long hair back from his face, "Oh, something awesome and glorious and from London. Was easier to get than I thought."

"You didn't steal it, right?"

"No, actually. I asked and was given. You see, I found out where the house of Black actually was. You've mentioned that Harry and Ginny were living there, so there was step one. I popped over to London, knocked on the door, and shook Harry's hand. I told him that I'd come for some of my grandfather's things and I'd really appreciate it if I could take them home with me."

"What?"

"Mom, this trunk is full of Sirius' clothes. Remus must not have been to much into flashy dressing, because there were only a few really moth-eaten suits left in the attic of his, but there were tons of things that Sirius had left. Harry told me that, after he got out of Azkaban, he had people bring him clothes from all over the place in tons of different styles so he could dress with a flair."

I just stared at the trunk for a second, "Wow. Let's get that into your room, alright? We can go through it and I'll tell you stories, if you want me to."

The offer was accepted and we spent the rest of the day sorting clothes. I know he took a lot of what we found back to school with him. He says that a uniform isn't much of a uniform if you can't be crazy after-hours. I think he found a cut back tails coat in there that he's particularly eager to wear with his John Lennon sunglasses and a top hat.

My darling, crazy, Rem...he's got a lot of Sirius' spunk and spontaneity, that's for certain. I know, he's not blood related...but there's something there that he's grown into. I never thought I'd have a son like him- so completely out of the blue, ready to jump into any adventure, and, at the same time, ready to defend what he believes is right in a heartbeat. It makes me wonder if this is something what his father would have been like, were he not squashed so young.

Rem still wants to be a rock star, but now he knows it isn't Lucius that was the rock star of the family, it was Sirius. Rem's got Sirius beat, though, when it comes to the length of hair. Kid's got a ponytail down to the small of his back.

The girls are also doing well. They're five and they both are bundles of energy, just like their brother was at that age. They can't wait to start at Hogwarts and they are both disappointed that they won't be able to accompany their brother to the train next year. Good lord, there are enough kids in this family that they're not going to miss the train! I mean, Harry and Ginny's eldest, James Sirius, just started this year (Teddy and Rem have vowed to teach him everything they know), and Rose Weasley starts next year, along with Albus Severus. They get a year break, then we've got Lily Luna and Hugo off on the train. Three years later, the girls get their own day in the spotlight. There are always reasons to visit 9 3/4!

The twins are ready to head out to the Victoria and Albert museum- we're meeting Luna and Andi there and making a day of exploring the exhibits. It is going to be a lovely day!

~Ellen.

 

* * *

**1\. July, 2017.**

 

Rem and Teddy graduated at the end of last month! Teddy is head over heels with Victoire and I think they're hoping to get married after she graduates- how sweet!

Oh, the family is just always expanding and it's lovely!

~El.

 

* * *

**5\. September.**

 

Teddy and Rem took the twins to 9 3/4 today and brought home news that Draco's son, Scorpius, was there with his parents. Rem says that he waved, but Draco did not recognise him. Teddy was too busy snogging Victoire before she had to board the train to notice much of anything. The younger children in the family are all twittering about that! It's so cute!

I'd write more, but I think I have to go break up an I'll-be-the-flower-girl! fight.

~El.

 

* * *

**2\. May, 2018.**

 

Twenty years and all is well.

~Ellen.

 

* * *

**26\. December.**

 

2021.

I really thought that maybe, after 20 years, I wouldn't be writing in here again. I've gone back and re-read all the earlier entries before writing this one. It seems so long ago that Draco and I were so close. It's been so long- two decades. We're strangers now. I don't know him and he doesn't know me. Some of the things I was so worried about and so defensive of back in the day just seems trivial now. So what if Professor Snape read my diary? These days, I probably would just blow that off as something he did to try to egg me on...then, I fell for the bait, hook, line, and sinker. God, how we've all changed.

I started writing today, not because of the fact that I got nostalgic and wanted to re-read this diary, but because there was an obituary in the paper today that took Narcissa, Lucius, and I by surprise. Astoria died in childbirth on Christmas Eve. The baby died as well. We're all worried about Draco and Scorpius. Narcissa tried to contact him at his last known address and he'd moved out at least five years ago. Lucius is trying to find out where he went. We're all worried.

I know that Draco cutting off ties was probably the most irresponsible and hurtful thing he could have done, but for some reason, I'm still worried. The human brain is a tricky, bitchy thing sometimes.

~Ellen.

 

* * *

**19\. January, 2022.**

 

I got a letter in the post today.

_Ms. Lupin-Black._

_Hello. You don't know me. My name is Scorpius and I am the son of your friend, Draco. Or, better said, a friend of yours from many many years ago._

_My mother and baby sister died last month and we have been having a tough time of it in our household. I think that my father is having a more difficult time than I am, to tell you the truth. He hasn't been eating much, he's looking ill, and he keeps muttering things to himself while wandering around the house in a daze. I know this is difficult for him, but it is also for me and life goes on. It has to, regardless of what else happens around us._

_I am writing to you to ask you a favour. I know you haven't spoken to my father in many years, but he does still speak of you. I ran across a theatre book hidden in his dresser drawer while filching socks and found a note you had written to him tucked inside of it. I asked him about you and he told me how you two had been so very close at Hogwarts and how you had been the single most important person to him while he was in school. He said that you had kept the book for him when he couldn't be caught with it and you had returned it, as well as his wand, after the battle against Voldemort._

_Dad needs someone to encourage him and I'm not able to do it. Could you possibly just write him a letter or something? I don't know how to help him and I thought that maybe hearing from an old friend would do him some good, especially since he believes that you will never forgive him for something (he won't tell me what). If you have any ideas as to how to help, please, let me know. I'm trying so hard to cheer him up, even a little, and I just can't seem to make anything work._

_S.H. Malfoy._

I already wrote back to Scorpius, explaining to him that I would do my best and that of course, I would write to Draco. I told Scorpius that, when I knew his father, one of the things we would do to cheer each other up was to read that book about the technical theatre effects and it was one of the very first things we discovered we had in common.

Here's the first draft of the letter I want to send to Draco. I may revise it a bit as I copy it out onto stationary.

Draco.

I am so sorry for your loss. I know it has been decades since we saw or spoke, but I am very worried about you and I hope that you are holding on. You are still in my thoughts, even after all this time. You may not think that you can get through this, but you are stronger than you ever gave yourself credit for and you will pull through this. Your mother and father both miss you tremendously and they are thinking about you, too. We all love you and we all are here for you when you need us. All you have to do is ask.

Lewellyn.

We'll see how it goes over.

~El.

 

* * *

**1\. September, 2022.**

 

The twins boarded the Hogwarts Express for the first time today. I am so happy to see them excited for Hogwarts and still a little sad to see them go and to know that I won't have them around the house until the winter holidays.

I met Scorpius at 9 3/4 today. His father was not with him. He approached me.

"Excuse me, but you don't happen to be Ms. Lupin-Black?"

"Yes, that's me. You must be Scorpius."

"How do you know?"

I smiled, "You look a lot like your father."

He chuckled, "Ah, yes. I just wanted to thank you before I headed onto the train. Your letter really did help. I know he's stubborn and not likely to ask for help, but it did wonders."

I nodded and then Dora tugged on one sleeve and Lucy on the other and I had to turn my attention to my nervous girls. I reassured them, best I could.

Scorpius smiled at them,, "Would you like me to help you out on the train? You can sit with Lily and I." The girls were happy to go with him, especially when the rest of the Weasley-Potter-Granger-etc. clan showed up. Everyone said their goodbyes and they were off. My little ones are growing up.

Rem and I are headed to the movies this afternoon to try to forget about how quiet the house is going to be. We're going to eat popcorn and watch things blow up. We're trying to pick an older movie so we'll be the only ones in the theatre and we can yell at the screen.

~Ellen.

 

* * *

**2\. May, 2023.**

 

It's been a quarter of a century. It has been a long day and it is late in the evening. Today was a good day.

There was a ceremony/memorial/reunion at Hogwarts for those of us who fought so long ago and our children were allowed to attend. Rem and I entered the Great Hall and mingled with the friends we had kept in touch with over the years. Rem and Teddy spotted each other from across the room and acted like they hadn't seen each other in years...when in truth, they were playing video games at Malfoy Manor last night and woke up Lucius this morning to show him that they had broken his high score. Of course, that meant they had to play for a few hours before doing anything useful because Lucius had to show them that he could still beat them at Halo.

Anyway, we were all milling about in the Great Hall and there is this bar set up so I was sitting at it with Hermione and we were having fountain sodas while the children played and chattered, glad to have a break from studying. Luna joined us with her fiance, Lorcan Lysander, and we pulled up stools to form a little half circle.

Then I hear the following coming from somewhere not too far behind me.

"Draco? Draco Malfoy? I'm Remus George. You're my dad."

Luna paused our conversation, "Well, he certainly doesn't mince words."

I shook my head, "God, no. That man is more to the point than a dagger to the chest."

Draco stammered a reply, "Er...um...really? Who, may I ask, is your mother?"

"Ellen Lupin Black." I held my breath, "She's right over there."

I heard footsteps. Hermione excused herself. Luna and Lorcan wandered off to find the twins. I heard the swish of Rem's trenchcoat and felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Mom?"

I turned on the stool, "Hey, Rem. What's up?"

"I found Dad."

My eyes met Draco's, "Yes. Yes you did."

He stepped back, "Well, you two kids have fun. Teddy and I have to go meet the grandparents at the gate because we promised them we would. We'll be back with Andi, Cissa, and Lucius."

I nodded and he wandered off as Draco settled down uncomfortably on a stool across from me, "So...L'elly..."

"I haven't heard that name in years."

"You don't use it anymore?"

"No. I grew up and started using Ellen. It's alright, though...I like hearing you say it."

He fiddled with the cuff of his jacket, "So...he's my son?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You stopped writing to me and you cut off ties from your parents, to whom I was very close...it didn't feel right to say anything."

More fiddling and a sigh, "Oh." He pointed, "That's my son, Scorpius. Has he ever met his half brother?"

I shook my head, "Probably not. Rem's a bit of a legend, though, in the Potter-Weasley-Granger-etc. family, so I'm sure he's heard of him."

Awkard silence, pt. 1.

"Draco..." I reached out and placed my hand over the one of his that was resting on the bar, "I'm so sorry about Astoria."

He took my hand, "Thank you. I got your letter. How did you know where to write to?"

"Scorpius wrote to me."

"I thought he might have." He paused and glanced at my hand. He brushed his finger over the ring, "You still wear it?"

I nodded, "Every day."

"I'm sorry, Ellen."

I shrugged, "For what?"

He took my other hand, "I left you. The last time we were both in these halls, we were graduating after a war and then I just walked out of your life. I shouldn't have. I loved you. The greatest regret of my life is that I was such a cad after the battle and I walked out."

Heavy. Not what I was expecting to be talking about at this reunion.

My shoulders sagged a bit, "What's done is done."

Awkward silence, pt. 2.

Teddy and Rem entered with Narcissa, Lucius, and Andi. Andi flitted from person to person, hugging and shaking hands. Narcissa and Lucius spotted their son and hurried over to us. Narcissa threw her arms around him and started crying. Lucius waited for his turn to embrace his son and didn't speak. He was trying not to tear up and wasn't succeeding very well. Scorpius came over and Draco introduced him to his grandparents. Everyone hugged some more. Scorpius took his grandparents over to a table to tell them tales of his life, leaving Draco and I alone once again.

"Ellen?"

"You know...you can still call me L'elly, if you want."

He smiled for a brief moment, "L'elly...forgive me?"

I sighed, "It's not like I tried to fight you- I gave up when I shouldn't have. I'm sorry, too...and of course I forgive you. If I didn't, we wouldn't very well be able have that Muggle indulgence night that we planned back in...oh, September of 1997."

"The what?"

"Remember? The things we were going to do when it was all over- get together to listen to music, watch movies, eat junk food, dance like idiots, and play video games. We were also going to throw a first Christmas of freedom bash."

"Oh...yeah. I guess I kind of messed that up, didn't I?"

I squeezed his hands, "Hell, no. Your father has one of the most amazing video game collections I've ever seen and a set-up to match. He and the boys can teach you all they know. We can get together at the Manor for games and fun. Christmas is easy- we do the big family gathering every year. Just start coming to them."

He looked at me, slightly perplexed, "You mean it, don't you? We can just try to start where we left off..."

"Well, not quite. We do both have kids."

Awkward silence, pt. 3.

So things aren't going to be just like they were, but why should that stop us from trying, right? My idea is this- we were so very close and I trusted him with everything I had. I still, somehow, love him. I mean, stomach twitters and everything when I touched his hand...it's all still there. Why should I just throw all that away when I've got one more shot at it, right?

I hopped down and pulled my chair right up next to his so we could sit and watch people and be able to still be close. I angled to him, our knees touching. I smiled and leaned back against the bar. I still have that pixie look, I'm just a slightly weathered pixie. He's aged quite a bit, too, but regally, like his father (damn, that family's got some good genes). I hear Rem laughing as the twins start a tickle war and Teddy, with Scorpius, eggs them on. I finish my drink and stand up.

"Want to go for a walk around the grounds?"

He nodded and followed me. We wandered the grounds, but then it started raining, so we came inside and found our broom closet (it was empty) and then made our way back up to the Astronomy tower. We leaned on the rail and looked out at the rain on the lake.

"L'elly?"

"Yeah?"

"I have a huge favour to ask."

"Ask away."

"Astoria's parents...they don't exactly like me. The house Scorpius grew up in is one of theirs and they aren't too keen on letting me keep it now that Astoria is gone. Is there any way we could move in with you?"

Whoa.

"Well...I live with your parents. You're going to have to ask them. I'm fine with it, so long as they are."

"You live with them?"

"Yeah- the flat wasn't big enough for three kids, the cats, and visitors, so we all moved in with your folks. It's been a blast and the rest of the family is just down the way. If your parents aren't sure, you can always ask Andi. She's got space, even if Victoire moves in with Teddy.

We stayed up in the tower for quite some time in not entirely awkward silence and conversation, remembering all the different things that had happened while we were at Hogwarts, talking about the battle, and dropping in details of our lives apart in the twenty five years since then. As it was starting to get dark, we returned to the Great Hall with the rest of the veterans, had dinner with the students, and then prepared to part ways.

Draco talked to his parents. He and Scorpius move in tomorrow. On his way home tonight, he kissed me on the cheek. I caught him as he was pulling away, darted in, and kissed him on the lips before the family headed home. Lucius and Cissa, of course, teamed up with Rem to tease me about Draco on the way home.

I finally just turned to them, "Oh come on, for hell's sake! You're his parents and you're his son- don't tell me you aren't just as excited to expand this family as I am."

Rem paused and turned to Lucius, "Means we'll have a fourth for game geek night."

Lucius nodded, "You have a point."

Narcissa hugged me, "Of course, Ellie. We're all so happy. Do you think that things are going to work out so you two can finally have your happily ever after?"

I just smiled.

I'm thinking that, from here on out, things are going to be set right in the universe. It's time for some good karma.

~L'elly.

 


End file.
